O wow..............

My studies of the Tree of life have been rather interrupted by pharmacy work - and driving. I have done a couple of chapters - but I haven't always had internet access so I recorded them off line. However this entry isn't really part of that. I have been wondering for about a week now about whether I should come off the register of the GPhC. My feeling is I don't do that much pharmacy work any more and it is debatable whether its worth the money for the registration. I also feel that I will make more progress with my spiritual work if I no longer depend on my pharmacy work. I decided I needed to meditate about it. I saw myself going to my castle room. I walked up the spiral staircase - and counted the steps. Normally its ten. Today it was 15 - and I got the idea I needed to check what no 15 of the major arcana is. And I thought 'wouldn't it be aodd if it was 'The Devil' which is all about repression. I then took only 8 steps instead of ten to get to the door. I decided to check what the 8th card was as well. On opening the door it was totally black. I wasn't afraid - just puzzled. Then I saw a light and eventually realised it was Thomas holding a railway lantern. Then I got the clear message its not my pharmacy work holding me back - but me holding me back. I also got the idea that somehow HSZSN relates to the Tree of Life. Anyway I came down to make this entry and of course checked to see what numbers 8 and 15 are in the major arcane. 8 is Justice ........but the wow is that 15 IS the Devil. This so fits with the idea that I am holding myself back. I am not sure why the room was dark - but in typing this I am wondering if the darkness symbolises my inability to see things clearly. This was a surprising meditation full of unexpected things - the sort that I feel was genuinely meaningful.