I haven't done any serious spiritual work for a few days. Although I did do a wonderful meditation On Wednesday or Thursday when I saw Thomas in the cottage. It was decorated for Christmas with a HUGE old fashioned tree. I got the clear message tat Christmas is a time of renewal and I needed to relax and enjoy myself. And I have done. Iwas very chilled on Christmas eve and Christmas day. I didn't stress about the preparations, and the dinner was a triumph with nothing forgotten or burned. This morning I have meditated and tried to a reading about Steve's job prospects. the cards I got were fascinating 6 of swords, 3 of swords, 3 of wands, 9 of swords and King of wands. the feeling I got was that he is in for a rocky ride but things will work out in the end. And I got the number 9. Now there are 4 ways of making the number nine from the cards I got . I was wondering if 9 meant 9 weeks or 9 months before he got a job. If it is a time its 9 months. (4 ways of making 9 = number of weeks in a month) Now that could be about right if the teaching assistant thing is going to work out. But I think he is going to need some support for the next few months as he will either have no job - or unsatisfying jobs. I picked a card for me from Michael - and got explore your options. I meditated and saw the cottage with Thomas, jenny Jonas and Eli. I got the idea of the CKR symbol trying all my possible options together - and got the message the key my spiritual development.

Fire

I have had a lot of fiery images recently. All the wands in Moira's reading. The image of a burnt out landscape with new growth, and this morning I had one of my waking visions. I saw the same image three times, A baby being held by a stylized phoemix. I think all the fire is positive - but it does imply sudden and maybe painful change. But getting that image today is interesting. Steve has an interview today - and this morning Tony has his test reading for 886. I did a pick from my Michael deck and one card fell out. It was all about staying positive and the power of positive thought. I know I can tend to be negative. Today I am going to be as positive as I can be. Whatver the outcome of todays events I am sure great things are in store for our family

For some reason the idea of sitting upstairs and going through my usual routine this morning feels impossible. So I am using the 'blog as meditation' technique. OK lets start with the reiki principles. 'Do not worry' so what am I worried about that I shouldn't be? A number of things spring to mind. Health, money, Steve,work. But the main issue worrying me is can I continue to work as a pharmacist? Do I believe in the drugs I give out any more? I think the answer to that is a qualified yes. I am never going to advise anyone NOT to have chemo, or NOT to take pain killers, antibiotics etc...... the real life changing drugs. But I am fed up with the polypharmacy of the lifestyle drugs. Thinking about the majority of my pharmacy work, it is a lot of painkillers, and life enhancing procedures. Hip replacements , cataract surgery. So I can feel I am doing good at ROH and Little Aston. In a community pharmacy I wouldn't feel that way. 'Do not get angry' The only things I get angry about are when I feel passionate about something. Injustice is my driving force I think. And frustration when I I can't get my point across. Its no contest that pharmacy forums are the biggest source of frustration for me. That is easily solved - don't go on them. "Be honest and hard working' Apparently we all lie several times a day. Maybe today I ought to monitor myself carefully to find out when and why I do. Hard working - I like to think I am - but the pile of unsorted laundry says otherwise. At work I am hard working. 'Be humble and respectful' This can also be interpreted as being grateful. I sometimes think I am not respectful of other peoples views and ideas - but at other times I defer too much - it is easy for me to become a doormat. 'Be compassionate' Thats one I feel I don;t have a problem with. Maybe that means its the one I need to focus on? I am very discontent with my pharmacist role, frustrated because my reiki/hypnotherapy isn't developing. 'Frustrated' does it make me angry? I hadn't considered that before. I think it can make me angry with myself - which is probably the most futile of situations - and is against every reiki principle. It worries me, I haven't been honest about I feel, and is not showing myself compassion. 'Compassion' - it contains the word 'passion' - a word I used earlier when discussing anger. What is 'compassion'? Truly I hadn't seen this train of thought when I suggested I might need to focus on compassion - but I have now come to the same conclusion from a totally different route. Can I find 'compassion' within pharmacy? Am I meant to be still mainly working as a pharmacist? I know my scientific and spiritual sides are necessary for me. The word 'balance' just popped into my head. Clare mentioned 'balance' during my hypnotherapy session. is that the problem? Am I out of balance at the moment? If I am , what do I need to do to 'balance' things and what do I need to balance? Although I am now just finding questions I need to answer I do think this blog entry is helping me. i do seem to be getting somewhere. Do I need to really LIVE and understand the reiki principles before I can build up a practice? Now that IS an interesting thought.

Full of beans?

My card for today is beans and I can't find the deck to look at the interpretation. ut this morning I seem to be full of ideas which I feel probably fits with the meaning of the card. And I was acting on the ideas BEFORE I reminded myself what card I picked for today.

Tuesday 63 Earth Wednesday 6 Thunder Moon Time to follow up on the events of the last couple of days and how the cards fit - or don't. Yesterday (Tuesday) Clare came down and we went round the german market. Then she came back here - had a reading with Tony, and then did some hypnotherapy on me. She had a dreadful cold tho. Earth is feminine - and mother. It is all about life and nurturing. Well I had to look after Clare - and she helped me learn about myself. Earth is also about being the beginning point of shamanic journeys. Well that fits with the hypnotherapy session I had with her Today has been my regular day the hospice. I only ad one patient in the end - but I had a lot of people who asked me for my card when I mentioned the readings/mediumship side of Krystal Wolf. Thunder Moon says 'service to others is emphasised. So that fits.

Bear

That was the card I picked yesterday as part of the 7 day array. So Bear is seen as being Masculine and Fire. Fire again - fits with the wands of my reading on Saturday and my dreams the other night Bear is healing and intuitive, curious and reflective - well that sounds like me . 'By letting me lumber into your life today you are accepting the dynamic power of my medicine. ' Interesting as today I am going for an ultrasound on my bladder I meditated this morning for peace and calm. I walked through my forest and saw a daisy growing among the autumn leaves. I came to a place where the path split and I could chose to go to the temple, the castle or the cottage. I was directed to go to the temple where I just sat. The temple is the most peaceful and calm of my meditation places. I feel peaceful - and despite the upcoming ultrasound with its need for a full bladder (1 litre of fluid in the hour before the scan) I feel quite calm. I saw Archnagel Rahael in the temple. I think its a sign that he is with me today.

Cards for this week

OK I am trying something new. I have done a 7 card array from the Shaman Wisdom Cards deck . Each card represents guidance/wisdom etc for the week ahead. So the cards I pulled - starting for today are Sunday 24 Wolf Monday 21 Bear Tuesday 63 Earth Wednesday 6 Thunder Moon Thursday 33 Beans Friday 10 Long night moon Saturday 57 Jasper I will come back and amend this post each day and try to work out if the card has been apt or not. One thing I will say - The name of the Friday card is apt given that I am meant to be doing Creaky Friday night! Wolf is Masculine and Water - apt since I am a pisces. Wolf is a wise leader, he is loyal and loving. I think Tony needed to be all of those things as he sorted out his inner crisis. And of course he is the Wolf or Krystal Wolf. I guess that just shoes how intertwined we are as a couple and as healers. Wolf is a pathfinder and leads the way - well that fits with my reading . I am the leader in pulling KW along 'I am setting the stage for long term relationships in your life either in your career or you home' Wow - again that fits so well with the reading I had . And I do feel we turned a corner for KW and in our relationship over the past few days - with the crucial day being Sunday - when I drew the cards.

Crunch point?

I feel as if we have passed some kind of crunch point. In the space of about 48 hours Tony has gone from deciding to give up psychic work and trying to fire his guides, to applying to become one the Psychic TV team 0 psychics. 'Turbulent' describes it all quite well. He pulled out the psychic fair we were booked on - no big deal since it was deader than a dodo. I had one customer all day. But I asked the other reader for a reading and it was amazing. It was all about how Tony and I need to develop together. It started of with me as the princess of wands - and ended with me as The Priestess. Overnight I had weird dreams - with a recurring theme of fire. I was facing fire or escaping from fire. I tried to meditate on what they meant this morning. I got the idea that fire burns away deadwood and allows new growth. Thats very simplistic - but I do feel its significant given my first appearance in yesterdays reading as the Princess of wands - and fire is the symbol of wands signifying creativity. Not sure yet where I am going with this. But another thought has occurred to me. My communication with Tony hasn't been as good as it could me - so I am back to the importance of communication.

Listening to the universe

This morning I had an experience that definitely gets filed under 'interesting' I decided to meditate - something I haven't done in a focussed way for some time. So I set my intention as seeking advice and guidance. I 'decided' to go to the room Chris taught me about. It was dusty and dilapidated - but I was able to sweep the coffee table clean with one swipe. Thomas was there and told me I need to visit that room once a week. I got the idea I was very talented - and was reminded about the patients I am treating at the hospice who clearly benefit from my reiki. Before I left I imagined the window opening and a breeze sweeping all the dust away so the room was restored to its proper state. That last image was amazingly reminiscent of one of the images I was taught in my hypnotherapy course - a sort of mental spring clean to get rid of unwanted attitudes, thoughts etc. It was nice to be told I am talented.

Communication with the universe

Some of my friends have been posting about amazing results from putting a problem out to universe. So I decided to think about what I wanted to communicate to the universe. I felt I hadn't been making much progress with building up a practice. I decided I needed to be clearer about what I wanted. So I decided to focus o one thing. I decided I would focus on getting a reiki client I treat up at the salon. To do this I decided at least once a day I would stand in front of a mirror and answer an imaginary phone call from an imaginary client and book an imaginary appointment up at the salon. Why stand in front of a mirror? because if I SEE myself acting as a reiki practitioner I will feel and believe I am a reiki practitioner. That is the message I want to communicate to the universe that I AM a reiki practitioner, and that I want to see my clients at the salon. After all that will help Paula as well. I decided to do it at the start of my spiritual exercises in front of the mirror in the meditation room. I also decided I would do it any other time I had a mirror and some privacy. I even activate the fake call feature on my phone. So I did it Tuesday twice and yesterday just in the morning. I have done it this morning as well. But I have to report something that must get classified under 'interesting' One of my hospice patients, wants to book me for a couple of extra sessions at her home in the full knowledge that she will have to pay me. OK it could be coincidence - probably IS coincidence - but its still interesting............. I am not giving up on this. I am thinking about building a scrap book of pictures. Maybe take one of the salon with something about reiki photoshopped onto the window......................

Communication

I am being prompted to think about my communication abilities. One the one hand one of my patients at the hospice I felt I was failing with thinks I am quite the best person she deals with at the hospice - so clearly I am communicating something well.On the other hand I now have a 100.00 fine from HMRC because my old accountant and I have appalling communication between. I know I feel he didn't listen to me. I suspect he feels I didn't listen to him. Obviously some of this has been prompted by the reading I have been doing for hypnotherapy.In a way it has also been prompted by the bizarre song Sandeep decided was 'perfect' for me. The image I project is part of my communication. HOW I communicate will affect WHAT I communicate. I am not sure where this is leading me - but it does feel important.

OK how described last nights ghost hunt at The Station Hotel? Tony didn't go in the end so I went on my own. And we both thought it could be useful for me to step out of Tony's shadow and see what I can do on my own. What happened definitely gets filed under 'interesting' I ended up in gorup with Sheena (Mother of the organiser who loves her diwsing rods) and 4 young men friends - who were all 'lovely boys' who had never been on a ghost hunt before. We went to a room in the cellar where I got the name 'Benjamin' who I felt was a 14 year old boy. Deena's dowsing rods confirmed the information I got, and confirmed when I was sure he was standing right behind me. But when one of the guys asked a question I would get an instinctive reaction of 'yes' or 'no' and the rods mainly confirmed my thoughts. This carried on even when we went back to the base room when Deena confirmed he had followed us and I was sure he was standing by me. Now what was REALLY interessting was that there IS a Benjamin among the spirits at the hotel - although the descriptions didn't quite fit. The member of staff described him as a gay ghost (and how intersting that the 4 men were gay) Now while were still in the cellar we got the information that was scared of men. And I made a link to paedophilia. So the information I got wasn't a MILLION miles away from what has been discovered before. I heard Deena describe me as a 'very talented lady' Sadly cystitis attacked me so I ended up leaving early - but I think I made a good impression

I am still trying to take in all the events of last night. Drakelow tunnels is an amazing place - and it was an amazing night. The group high point came in discussion of noses and lights one group saw while some of the others were elsewhere. Since Tony and I were in different groups, we both have trusuted witnesses for what happened. Our group heard what sounded like a scream, and tired to call out to see if the other group were OK. We then kept seeing lights we thought could be them returning. When we finally re-united about 20 minutes later, they had NOT heard the noises we heard and could not have been the source of the lights we saw. They also did not hear us call out for them the first time. However they DID hear when we yelled out for them about 20 minutes later. They said they had not at any time called out. So wtf di our group see and here? Personally it was an amzing night as I was getting names that Chris (the guide) confirmed as correct. I correctly identified the room where she use the table and glass for divination by sense. I led an amazing conversation with one spirit (Mr Edward Mullen - a surgeon that Tony had picked up on earlier in the evening but Chris was unable to confirm our information) This conversation ended up in yet ANOTHER rescue for Tony and I - although the rest of the group joined in to help. I remember when Cal and Jeanagh taught us about lost soul rescue at Hay Castle. I remember thinking 'I don't think I'd ever do this' How wrong I was. To top the evening off I gave three readings - all of which the readers confirmed were accurate, and very helpful, PLus we may have made a useful contact in Chris - the guide at Drakelow. One persistent feeling I had during the evening was either a headache - or that tingling feeling on my head as if I was wearing a hat of some kind. This does fit with a strange image I got when I was telling Tony about the tingling. I got an image of THomas putting his top hat on my head. But what does it MEAN!!! All I can say is yesterday I felt more receptive than I have felt before. Can't WAIT to do Creaky again if I stay this open!!!

I meditated again today - and again got that tingling on the side of my head. Later when I was telling Tony about it I got the image of Thomas putting his top hat on my head. Oh and Tony did a card pick which links into spring - which firs spookily well with the image of me being showered with apple blossom. What is going on I wonder?

Yesterday was iVERY interesting and rewarding - but very tiring. And I now feel rather guilty. Tonight I should be going to do some healing at a cancer support group in Solihull - and I can't face the drive. I have done the trip too and from Solihull every day apart from today so far this week. And last night my journey home was via Balsall Common - 5 miles in the opposite direction! Yet again its the driving thats tiring me. So I am NOT going - and I;'m afraid I am probably not going to go to the training tomorrow. I feel I have a choice - either the course - or Drakelow tunnells - and I know which one is more important. This doesn't fit very well with the precepts about being honest and hard working BUT I need to be honest and admit I overestimated my ability to manage everything this week. And I think I need to show myself some compassion. I know the story about the beggars who paid nothing for their healing not benefit from Usui's treatment isn't really true. - but I do feel there has to be a limit to the amount of 'free' work I do - because it DOES take it out of me. Maybe thats a sign I need to ground myself better. But there does have to be balance. "Giving and receiving' is a card I have picked more than once. I do need to learn to say 'no'. I also need to be honest about my limits. I had an interesting meditation today. I was walking along my normal path then turned off to the left and sat on a wooden bench with Thomas. We got showered with petals from an apple tree that shaded the bench. teh grass was very green and it was obviously spring time. I looked up at the sun - and got the impression of sunlight boring in through my third eye chakra. Then I became aware that both sides of my head were tingling as well as my third eye chakra. I tried to 'see' if anyone was holding my head - but couldn't. I have no idea what it means - but I am wondering if something has been unblocked . Blocks of various sorts have been on my mind lately. Draeklow could be VERY interesting

Yesterday I did a card pick for myself and got Solar Plexus Chakra - with a message all about taking control. It did fit rather well with how I was feeling. Yesterday I got the thought that I need to ask Raphael for hep with my weight and health issues. It something I have done before- with no specific result. But this time I got the thought about asking for him to remove the blocks in my mind that STOP me from losing weight and being healthy. I can't work out what the secondary gain is. So I decided to do picks from the Raphael deck for me this morning. One fell out - second opinion. The two I picked were 'Massage' which is all about recognising I deserve self treatments, and the 3 rd card was - almost inevitably ' Call upon Archangel Raphael. That was a bit of a wow - because as I was shuffling I thought that would be a logical card to pull. Second opinion stumped me a bit. I am being referred for a bladder and kidney ultrasound, but in my other blog I have just speculated about asking Claire to help me with some hypnotherapy. It only occurred to me as I was typing this entry that the second opinion COULD be from her - and having hypnotherapy is the kind of treatment I am being encouraged to accept by the Massage card. This is a classic case of blogging as meditation because these ideas are coming as I type. Wow!!!! Using the word 'logical' about card picks is a bit of an oxymoron - but it would be a logical card for Raphael to direct me to under these circumstances. I AM a logical person - and I long ago realised my that logical side is necessary for me healing skills. So I guess whoever or whatever is communicating with my subconscious when I pick cards knows it has to work with that side of me - which is why I got the 'logical' card about calling on Raphael. The ONLY time Raphael has appeared to ignore my requests is when I ask for my health issues. I have had had positive responses for NON health issues The logical reason for that to happen is because I have blocks that are stopping me from giving permission for my health issues to be sorted out. And clearly I am being told I need help to sort them out..

More an oddity than a wow - but I DO feel this is worth recording. This morning my tarot pick was King of Cups. I decided to try to meditate on it, and tried to 'meet' him . But in a poor attempt to meditate my thoughts were confused and I found myself thinking about Milton Erikson and wondering if I needed to become more confident with Eriksonian , because my current hypnotherapeutic approach hasn't worked well with the two patients I have seen so far at the hospice.

Imagine my amazement when the explanation about the card seemed VERY apt for someone who is a hypnotherapist - and inlcudes the word 'confused' .

In fact during the meditation I got the idea the king WAS Erikson.

I will go back to my Eriksonian notes and write myself an eriksonian induction .

I did 3 card picks this morning. Raphael gave me ' You are a healer' whihc was SO good to get at the start of my day at the hospice.

Fairies gave me 'detoxification' which was what I had already decided I needed to do today. Not a standard detox - but a real attempt to drink LOTS of water - which I do anyway at the hospice . Also keep my food intake simply healthy and as sugar free as possible. I slept badly yesterday and I am sure it was my unusually high chocolate/sugar intake yesterday that was to blame. (caked and biscuits brought in by other staff, a drug lunch, and the remains of the trick or treat bag- it was a lethal combination)

The I got Queen of Pentacles and that was the focus for my meditation. I saw myself sitting in front of her, and she wrapped her scarf - with the roses that mean love - round my neck. I got the message to love myself.

I had an interesting spiritual 'workout' this morning. I drew a card from the Archangel Michael Deck and got Eternal Love - and a reminder that I am amble to give AND receive love.

Then I drew a tarot card to meditate on - and drew 'The Moon' I asked for a card for mediation rather than something relevant to me. In my meditation I saw myself walking in the card. I felt the water and it was war,. i touched the pillars and they were cold. I felt confused. I couldn't get close to the wolf.

When I looked in the book, one of the things it can indicate is 'confusion' But the other things that stood out for me is how the dog (which I hadn't even noticed because it blends into the background) and the wolf represent the conscious and unconscious mind. How apt is THAT for a hypnotherapist?

It also says that when the moon appears ina reading it may indicate the decisions should be deferred. I didnt think about that at the time - but as I was walking home, I realised work had been so dire I was considering whether I wanted to offer ROH ANY days in the new year. I realised the card was possibly also a warning against doing something in haste that I may regret. I don't NEED to decide yet - and shouldn't decide on the basis of one day however bad it was. I need to keep my options open. So I think that card was also for guidance as well as meditation

I had been feeling very down (a quick check on my other blog will show why) ) so I decided to give myself a mental kick up the backside and take positive action. I decided to make proper use of the meditation room. I stared off with a couple of card picks form the dekc sI have been carrying around (but not using)all week. St Micheal and my tarot deck.

Before I picked I actively tried to open up.

The St Michale card took by breath away. Be gentle with yourself" The prayer at the bottom of the card says

'Please guide me in treating myself with gentle nurturing love in everything I think speak and do. help me know that I deserve this compassion, I release any feelings of guilt to you so that I may experience lasting inner peace'

Why am I so troubled by the memories of Alan and Edna? because I feel guilty and feel I let them down. My head knows I am being ridiculous - but my heart and soul clearly don't

I had already had the idea that I should self treat this morning before I got into the meditation room. That card didn't change my mind. I At one point I had my hands near my head. I could feel the energy , but could clearly see in the mirror that my hands were not being touched by my hair - they were too far away. So I really CAN feel the energy I give during a treatment. Today that was very re-assuring.

At one point I had by hand near my throat - and it felt they way it does when there is something round my throat a bit too tight. My throat felt closed off. It stopped when I moved my hands away. It could have been psychosomatic tho. But I got the idea I needed to say something - but I'm not sure what................

I found myself meditating during the treatment - and I saw myself walking round the CKR symbol. Some time ago I had the insight that the straight lines and spiral represent to two sides of me - scientific and spiritual. Today I got a new insight. The right angle in the straight line represents the change in direction in my life. The spiral section represents the 'journey to the centre' The is a concept about spiritual growth in mid life. I am on a journey - and still have way to go yet.

I did a tarot card pick after the reiki and got 'Queen of swords' My immediate thought was 'single minded' reading the blurb I was told this queen represents someone who can rise above troubles (thats me alright!) but may be a bit aloof and distances herself from people' Now that ISN'T me - except I am reluctant to bother my family - or anyone close to me - with my problems. Maybe thats what I need to talk about.

Or maybe not - maybe I'm just chasing rainbows looking for a non existent crock of gold and all this is just pure rubbish....BUT we did get an email yesterday from Delilah who organised the psychic fair we did about a month ago. She wanted to let us know she had some positive feedback about our readings.

Why did I get the idea about 'single mined' I think i got it because I need to focus on getting my HPD diploma and and others things that I need to do to really HAVE a practice to do this stuff. I think its a reminder to me that I need to stay focussed.

A psychic kick up the backside if you like. Well I have received and understood the message

Two very interesting cards today. Ten of swords and from the Law of Attraction deck 'I can reach for a better thought" So I meditated on what thoughts and attitudes I need to change (or am changing?) and got the idea that I must stop self limiting thoughts. But the tarot card indicates this is a pivotal time to make the change - so why now? Maybe because I am on the brink of a new career as a hypnotherapist? With the thoughts I have had about working out of Little Aston since I have the connections there - and the fact that I may have another client from there . Plus the question from another friend about whether hypnotherapy can cure emetophobia it isn't an unreasonable assumption that I may well have the beginning of a client list.

A second attack by the lurgy has meant my spiritual exercises have been nil - but today I intend to correct that. My meditation on Thursday was interesting tho. I was in my glade and Jonas was there. he lead me over to the bench and I got the idea 'You need to take things easy' Later that day I realised I was fighting round 2 with the lurgy and ended up leaving work at lunchtime, and didn't go to work on Friday either. It was only AFTER I got home on Thursday that I remembered my meditation and thought ' Wow - how strange is that?' Did I subconsciously remember the image and decide I 'needed' to be ill to be able to rest? I don't think my work ethic is that poor - but I can't rule it out. But feeling poorly and my early departure DID give me the opening to say to Emmeline - I can't do 4 days a week - end of message.

I have discussed in my other blog what this means for me in practical terms. What does it mean spiritually? I won't be so tired I won't have the energy for meditation and my exercises and that has GOT to be good.

Today I tried to watch and understand some of the Kaballah course I signed up for. I didn't get on very well. But I have had it re-enforced that it is about spiritual development - just like reiki. I was confused by the idea that permission is needed from above to reveal certain wisdom to others. At first that didn't make any sense - but then I thought that if it is about development - the journey to find that wisdom is part of development - so I guess it does. But even the basic stuff is talking about Sefirot and other things I don't understand. So where does this leave me and my quest to understand the Tree of Life? I'm not sure. Maybe its all just a distraction. I need to meditate on it - which is probably what a Rav would suggest I would do ....................

One thing I will say - they are not interested in making any money from the course. Its free and the books are downloadable as free pdfs. OWL charge 40.00 to join - although I think their Kaballah stuff can be downloaded free. I must check that out again. But is David Wells and the OWL a Kaballist that Rav Leitman would approve of ? Hmmmmm

Ok. This morning I got back into the routine of doing my spiritual exercises early. And I decided to use a card pick as part of them. I intended to pick just one card - but ended up picking five - and all I can say is WOW

In order I picked The Hierophant, Strength, Knight of Pentacles, 6 of Pentacles and The World.

As I said WOW. SO many relevant images and ideas. A desire for spiritual development, inner resources available. slow and steady progress, giving and receiving - and completion of something major.

So much of that fits in with Kabbalah ideas - but also with what feels right about where I am at the moment. And with what I am doing. It even fits if read as a horseshoe spread.

As I said .....WOW

I had a good day yesterday. I meditated and used the cards for the first time in a week. I didn't meditate properly - but I did pull 'meditation' as one of my cards. So today I am going to try a proper meditation.

Last night we ended up The Witch at short notice - and it was a VERY interesting evening. Tony saw stuff (something he has been wanting to do for ages) And I ended up giving a message to Emma. She was in contact with her uncle, who had already said he wanted her to talk to his aunt. I sudden;y got the word 'light hearted' come into my head. So I said'; He was a very light hearted person' and Emma said 'yes' I then pieced together everything she had already said' and said' he wants you to tell your aunt he is OK, and that he os OK with the fact that she has just re-married' (Emma had said her aunt had just married last week) I then just went with what I 'felt' was right and said he still loved his wife, but he had had to go and he was pleased she was carrying on with her life..

Now did I get that intuitively from what she had already said? Was I telling her what I THOUGHT her aunt would want to hear? I don't know - but I AM sure that was the message her uncle wanted to get across.

At the end of the evening Karl said people often make the mistake of trying too hard and thats me OK. But what I HAVE realised is just because I don't 'see' or 'hear' things doesn't mean I am NOT getting messages. I have been reading a life coaching book about 'meta models' and I have realised I am a kinaesthetic person. I 'feel' things. So is a great shock that psychically that is how I work? After all I came into psychic development to enhance my intuition - or how I 'feel' things from other people. I have to remember that and trust that when I do get the words or feelings in the right circumstances. And I think the key is recognising the right circumstances.

But for paranormal activity last night was a blast - including myself Emma and Rachel getting names on the ouija board that Carl could relate to that we could not know. Also Karl gave Emma a message about the front wheel on her car not knowing that she has had a recurring problem with the tyre on that wheel. And the table upstairs was moving in an amazing way, while the portal in the cellar was very active.

I have been feeling decidedly 'meh' for a couple of days, so I decided to do some self healing this morning. It was an interesting experience. IAt one point I had my eyes open, and could see my reflection in the mirror. I didn't look like me. It was as if someone else face was impressed on mine. Jenny?

And later on I had my hands on my abdomen - but I could feel reiki going into my head. It started off of one side so I asked Jenny if it was her to move it to the other side ....and it did.

When I first started channeling I had my hands by my head. I could feel the energy leaving my hands - and as normal wondered if it was just my hair tickling my hand - then I realised my hands were well away form my hair.

I felt REALLY thirsty as I was channeling.

All in all it was an interesting experience.

I meditated this morning and asked for any insights about the patient(s) I would be treating today. I got shown a heart and legs.

I had 3 referrals from the ward. One declines, one had a fractured femur - and old fracture so I could have treated her but she was away from the ward when I was free. the third lasy's main complaint was about her legs.

I also did a home treatment today for a carer who when I asked about her mother - who is the patient - commented about her heart disease.

Sometimes it just happens right!

The psychic fayre yesterday was good. I gave some reiki, and I am hoping to get at least one proper paying customer as a result. The readings were not as good, and I have decided to concentrate on tarot since those were the readings that went best. I can offer tarot readings modified by oracle cards or crystals for a small extra fee.

One of my reiki clients felt like an affirmation that I am on the right track. It was a favour for Karl, given free of charge, but it not only used my reiki skills but my hypnotherapy taught counseling skills and life coaching skills and my pharmacy knowledge as she is on anti-depressants. She was adamant that she wants to come and see me again professionally, and insisted I give her one of my cards.

I have also an idea about a circle. Marie wants me to help her with spiritual development - so when she comes round we have a small circle of 3 and we can all work together. That will also enable me to reduce the amount she pays me without her feeling guilty. If we benefit as much from what we do as she does, why should she pay as a massive sum of money? That feels like a 'win-win' to me

We know of other psychic fayres in the area, karl is going to have another one in Alcester in a couple
of months so we seem finally to have got our feet under the table with that.

My next goal MUST be to improve my mediumship so I can try to go for reiki teacher

We are at a psychic fayre today and need to make an early start so the meditation room is bare and doens't feel right. So I am using the blogging technique to clear my thoughts and get some inspiration.

Yesterday we went into S and J jewellers so I could by the Archangel Michael deck. It turned out we had both read for all the staff at the psychic fayre last Sunday. They must have been pleased with the readings because we got discount on the decks we bought. It was an unexpected - but very welcome validation for both of us. If the redaings had been bad, we would have paid full price. Tony had read for the man, and realised he had been spot on when he sensed he was connected with cards but didnt use them.

And yesterday I also got my certificates from Nick so I can officially advertise and charge for hypnotherapy. I was on cloud 9 when I got them,

Today is the all day fayre followed by a ghost hunt as part of the Alcester Ghost festival. Everyhting is all packed up. The KW sign is attached to some hardoard. and I am both excited and worried.

But I know I need to just relax and trust spirit to come through with the message. I am offering crystal readings again - I boght some new crystals yesterday - so I am hopeful they will be a draw. I am also offering reiki - and I really hope I get some takers for that. I am sure I need to give more reiki before I will be allowed to progress to teach.

I have just had a clear thought that I need to soem self healing before I go down. So I must stop this, have some breakfast (I am really hungry) and go and do just that

I was faced with a block yesterday. I asked Sue if I could substitute Caz for Tony in the deal she made me. Draw up a reiki 1 manual, teach Tony, and she would do the attunement free, She has refused for reasons I can understand. She was pretty sure Tony wouldn't actually take it beyond level one - and she is right. her concern is that if her name is on the lineage of someone who turns into a rogue healer, it looks bad on her.

However of course she then asked me if I am making any progress towards sensing the energy better. And I am not I don't think. I have told her I need to give more reiki and work on my meditation. I am wondering what her reply will be.

I feel very down that I am making so little progress with the reiki. I haven't given any reiki for over 2 weeks and I can always find reasons why I haven't got time to self heal.

I need to meditate on this - and will do so later today. I can't do it this morning becasue Steve is coming round for some life coaching - and it could be as early as 9 knowing him - and its already 8.10.

I must remember the quiet times devoid of wow moments are when we are learning. If I meant to teach reiki, I will get there.

Today Krystal Wolf had its first proper outing at a psychic fayre. At the third attempt (1 with no customers and one that got cancelled) we had a very successful time at a psychic fayre. We were both busy most of the afternoon and I had some real wow moments with reactions to my readings. I was doing a crystal reading for one lady and correctly told her that she had been a mother figure to her younger sisters since their mother dies when the lady was 16. She look amazed ( and so was I)

It was a wonderful afternoon and I learned a lot from it. Next Saturday we have another psychic fayre as part of the Alcester Ghost Festival and I am looking forward to it already

I did my spiritual exercises before I did anything else today (well once cat feeding etc was done)

I did a pick from the tarot deck and got the 5 of pentacles. The text in the book talks about this card meaning loss of self worth and self esteem. very apt after my post investigation feelings,

I realised that when I am praying I do get totally lost in the activity. In a way I am in a trance. Maybe when my thoughts wander they are tasking me to useful places.

I haven't actively meditated - I am using this blog as a sort of meditation. What did the 5 of pentacles tell me? I have a lot more than I realise. The 5 indicates tension and anxiety - spot on. I have self esteem problems - no **** sherlock. The beggar on the card stays out in the snow even though he could go into the church behind. It is his choice to stay out because he believes he isn't worthy. This has a horribly familiar ring to it.

But I got an interesting thought while I was upstairs, I do no-one any service at all by underestimating my abilities - ;east of all those who could benefit from my work. If I don't have confidence in myself - why should they?

I feel I am being given a firm but gentle spiritual kick up the backside!

Lets be honest. Last nights investigation left me feeling jealous and insecure. In a location that promised a lot, it all went very flat for our group while the group Tony was in had lots of activity. And Tony himself did his best David Wells/ David Acorah impression by talking to a spirit that tried to actually channel through him. And the information he got was confirmed as accurate. I was left feeling very down and thinking 'why can't I do that'

Actually the question should be 'why do I want to do that?' And the answer sadly is that type of mediumship is so much more impressive than than anything I can do. Knowing I can do hypnotherapy and reiki when Tony can't is very little consolation when I am having problems finding me who want to sue those skills.

I was too tired to meditate this morning but I did do some card picks. AYG gave me exhaustion, deprivation and business. I decided to make a pick from Law f Attraction and got ' I am not here to create sameness'

So what can I take from this.

1) I am not meant to do the same as Tony, I do what I do as well as he does what he does.
2) I am trying too hard
3) I am being unfair and mean by resenting his abilities
4) Together our relationship will build a successful business

Last night we did enough readings to pay back the cost of one of the tickets. Next weekend we have a psychic fayre and the following weekend is the Alcester Ghost festival when we will be doing MORE readings

Things are really going quite for BOTH of use - and I have no reason to be down

I have had odd dreams the past few nights. Most fade quickly but one has stuck with me so I feel it is significant. I was pulling some black plastic taps out of my mouth. It was long and was obviously a long way down in my insides. Sometimes it was all tangles up an knotted. I woke before I pulled it all out.

My meditation this morning was interesting. I ended up at the castle. Eli was waiting for me outside the room. I went in and looked rouns the room and it was full of books. I went o look through a large window on the right hand wall. It looked over a hilly landscape.

I was amazed by how many books in the room. Peter was behind the desk (in its usual place in fron of the window on the left hand wall. I sat down and I saw a quill pen.

I have been reading the book I got on scrying. It is a strange mix of the philosophical and psychological. He accepts that the messages received may be from our subconcious - but talks quite happily about magic rituals. he does give soem helpful exercises to help you get the right focus in your mind when you are scrying. The first one is to visualise a simple object in your third eye. I have already been doing this by using the image of my moonstone as pasrt of my preparation to clear my mind. I cna fele my third eye tingle the moment I close my eyes and see that image so I knwo I am on the right track. he also talks about an astral space mirroring the physical space. So this morning I 'saw' my chair and alter in another space rather like Karl's white room exercise. And I just mentally asked for help over the way I found myself thinking about phoning in sick. I got the helpful thoguth that my self image is limiting me. Not that is definitely something to think about

I had a waking vision over night again. +VERY different to my normal ones. I could see orangy/goldy blocks in a hexogal pattern - with letters on the blocks. Not words though. It didn't last very long. Again is the coincidence it has happened after working with energy? I did a lot of healing yesterday

GREAT day at the hospice. I treated 4 patients - and one of them may just come back to me as a private patient.

I concentrated on feeling the energy and also visualised some colours when I drew the symbols. For some reason I got a string feeling of gold with DKM on 2 patients today. Something to think about

I had weird dreams last night. In one I drove (or walked) into something that then wasnt there - and woke myelf up. In another I was suddenly bleeding very heavily for no reason - and woke myself up. It was VERY disturbing. I am left pondering if they have any message for me psychological or psychic. Probably not - but I don't normally have experiences like that.

But I did do some distance healing last for someone who posted an appeal on on of the FB groups. I told her what time I would be sending - but set the intention that it should arrive when it was convenient for her. I used a uccly toy as the focus and the energy felt odd somehow. I know I need to understand the feel the energy more to become a better healer, so I wonder if that is why I was moved to respond to Lotte's appeal in tat way. I have never done so before. And I wonder if the energy was in some way responsible for the weird dreams. I have in the past linked my waking bisions to working with energy.

Very strange

Tony looked at my crystrals last night - and the red crystal Sam chose is coming to pieces. I wonder why I bought it and do I need another piece of it?

Crystal readings

I went to see Sam and Graeme yesterday. I did a crystal reading for and was amazed at how accurate she found it. Obviously I know Sam so some bias may have come in - but I read things I didn't know about her.

I do feel I am meant to use the crystals. The reading went so well and so easily.

Crystals

I went to a workshop at Harborne healing centre last night. It was all about crystals. And basically I have learned a new way to give readings using crystals. I can't wait to try it out. I also feel I have found out why I have been so drawn to crystals. It also gives me an excuse to buy some more.

That is the second workshop I have been to at the Healing centre. And the second one Tony has not gone to. Third time lucky I hope. The medium at their meeting next Wednesday is someone I know through FB. I want to go and I am hoping Tony will go with me.

I have discovered a new way of giving readings using crystals - and I know feel the urge to go and buy some more. Any excuse!! I do now feel I know why I have been drawn to buy crystals. I may even use some in healing with or without reiki. The guide who helped me last night with my crystal work was Jonas who I have always felt was a reiki guide. Maybe he is my crystal guide.

I am making blogging a daily exercise again. I have fallen out of the habit and need to get back in the habit if I am to make progress.

I went upstairs to self heal - but decided to try and use the reiki to help me meditate. It was very interesting. I used all the symbols and as I drew them I stated what I wanted them to do. So DKM was to heighten my spiritual awarmess. , HSZSN was to improve my connection to spirit and my past and future self. SKK was to heighten my enlightenment and CKR was the foundation for all of them

I saw myself walking and climbing on the symbols. I kept finding myself getting distracted by mundane things (like how I am going to pick up my car) so I tired to actively slow my brain waves dowm. I saw myself swimming under water - and ended up at the cottage that was the focu of Chris's teaching sessions.

Inside I saw a book on the coffee table, and got the idea that the books in the meditation room was a good idea. The window had thick red velvet curtains.

In the mirror I saw myself wearing the victorian nurses uniform.

Jonas was sitting in the chair by the fire. He told me I need to connect to him better and I got the ide that it will take me 6 months to improve my connection and to be reading for master teacher attunement. (At least I hope it was 6 months not 6 years!)

I also got the message to just keep using the meditation room . Practice make perfect

I've just done my self healing and meditated on SHK. I feel it links to the head and the chown/brow chakras. I stepped inside a large 3D symbol . I felt it protected my head - but left my crown chakra free to receive the reiki.

Then I found myself thinking about Hszsn. Now this I suddenly saw as a tree with the different bits of it spinning in opposite directions. If there were 6 patys to it I would say 'chakras' but there are only 5. So I am not sure what that means.

So over the 24 hours between us we have taken 80.00 in payment for our services. This feels good on several levels. And Paula is going to let me put a flyer up about the psychic fayre in the salon. I must contact Sarah tomorrow and see if I can put one in S a S as well. And that gives me an excuse to contact her and see if the idea of me hiring the room to do reiki is on or not.

I had a good life coaching session with Paula today. But I really feel I want to try some reiki and see if that can kick start her motivation in the same way it did for Martin. In fact typing that has helped e understand WHY I felt I needed to give Paula reiki.

I went to Aurora Therapy today to give them the deposit for the tables for the psychic fayre. They seem very nice people. I hope the fayre goes well.

I feel good about things at the moment. The meditation room has a wonderful atmosphere. I am using it regularly, so is Tony and that can only help both of us. I even feel my self healing is going better because I am doing it in such a wonderful atmosphere.

It all feels as if things are going well.

Is there such a thing as coincidence? Yesterday I finally got the meditation room sorted out - mianly because I had a hypnotherapy patient tonight. This morning we got a phone call out of the blue from a woman who had found our card and wanted a reading. Because we had the room ready I was able to say 'yes' with no hesitation. But I never intended to work from home or do readings here. I think the universe has a different plan.

I also asked the angels to get her to chose Tony to do the reading - and she did. So he now feels good - and has some money.

Thank you universe, and angels,

I haven't blogged for a few days - but it doesn't mean I haven't been doing self healing and all the other things.

I have made a major step forward today. I have finally got Steve's old bedroom sorted out as a meditation /hypnotherapy room. I have equipped it with a cd player that can play iPods, and there is storage in there for cards, crystals, incense, candles etc.


I drew an interesting card on of the fractal art apps on FB. It was all about helaing being a spiral. Hmmm. Symbol 1 anyone??

I have another week of self healing to go. I need to put some more effort into the symbols, what they mean to me, how the feel and what the energy feels like.

I did a pick from my tarot card today and got The Tower. That feels like a good card today. Getting that room set up IS important I am sure

I did a meditation on CKR today - and got all sorts of things. It represents a journey of discovery - and a maze. I found myself standing in front of a HUGE symbol - and felt comforted by it. I also got the idea that the other symbols sort of 'hang' on it. (Imagine it turned horizontal so things could hook over the spirals)

I found I couldn't give it a colour tho/

My self healing tonight I used DKM .....often. I saw it written in fore above my crown chakra. The energy felt good. Not too much, not the 'electtric' feeling - but calmer - a sort of 'just enough' feeling.

I self healed - and meditated on HSZSN. It was quite an experience. This symbol is all about connections. That is why it used for distance healing. But it is also about connections between this world and the spirit world, connections between past and future.

I used the symbol. then DKM. Then I visualised the symbol actally coming into me. The energy levels were really amazing. And at one point I felt a breeze - or maybe a breath on my face. Was I sensing a spirit with me?

I think tomorrow nights investigation could be very interesting for me

My self healing last night was very interesting. I focussed on SHK and its meaning, and I used the symbol. I felt electric. I could feel my energy expanding. I felt as f I was surrounded by electricity. Today I was focus on HSZSN.

I now realise that you need to progress spiritually to make the best use of your healing abilities. On one level I always knew that. But on a deeper level I now FEEL that.

I did a couple of card readings today and had my cards read by Beverly - one of the admin staff at Little Aston. She is about to have her first reiki attunement. She used an Angel Therapy deck but does it in a very different way to me. She doesn't let anyone else touch her cards - and she pulls 3 cards One for who you are/your past (Solar Plexus Chakra) one for the issue you need to address (mediumship) and the third for how to address it (Visualisation) Well THAT message is clear enough. Tony has just pulled a card form the Angel Therapy deck - and guess what he picked? Yup 'Mediumship! Someone is telling us something - or rather shouting at us.

I have been looking more deeply at the reiki symbols. I am sure that understanding them is the key to progressing with my reiki. No startling insights yet - but I have only read - rather than meditated.

On Monday I asked the angles to help me with my pharmacy CPD. With three days work this week I thought it would be reasonable for me to get at least one patient /request that triggered some CPD for me. All I can say is 'wow' Not one but FOUR over two days. And I still have one more day at work.

I feel I need to make an affirmation - a statement of intent to the universe.

I AM A MEDIUM

Today has been an interesting day spiritually. I sent a reading into to site that was advertising for psychics. The organiser said to do a general reading for him and if it was ok, he'd get back to me with a question. Well I did the reading - and never heard anything. I assumed I'd got it all wrong and he was too polite to tell me I was rubbish. However today he replied saying it was pretty good, and asking for a fairy reading. I will start off on the free readings forum - but would move on to other forums where I would get paid. I am going to send Tony the link so he can try too,

I also found a site the published reiki symbols - and saw DKM written in a way that wasn't even close. I asked Sue - and she has asked if I can see why that symbol is ALSO DKM. I need to meditate on all the reiki symbols and what they mean - and why they work - and what they do. This site gave me a new symbol I have never heard of before. I intend to experiment with it on myself

Self healing went ok. I can feel the energy much better now. I also think I could see someone elses aura/energy wile I was talking to her today. She is about to have her reiki one training so Julie suggested she talk to me. She is going to do an angel reading for me tomorrow if she remember her cards

I feel I am on the verge of a breakthrough - and suspect it is not coincidence it is happening while I am busy and don't really have the time to spend on meditation.

Maybe I need to remember Sue's mantra in the early days' Don't overthink it

This morning my first dilemma was whether I felt up to working at the hospice. The second was what to do about Marion's treatment on Thursday.

I decided to do a proper meditation and see what insights I got. I saw Eli, Thomas and Jenny. I saw Eli and Thomas standing very close together and got the idea of them together supporting the two sides of me. I also worked out how I could treat Marion by getting most of the medical information in advance. It all sort of worked itself out step by step. I then saw a shiny blue orb in my glade and got told to walk into it to energise myself for the hospice.

I only did 2 treatments at the hospital. One treatment was a repeat. The other was a new lady. I got moved to do DKM over her crown chakra. It turns out she she had 3 brain tumours, which have now reduced down to 1 for no apparent reason. But the treatment of these , ended up causing a grand mal fit. I immediately made the leap to Marion. I have been concerned about the effect of reiki on her epilepsy ( for no logical reason) and I think this was conformation that I made the right decision in going ahread with her treatment.

Today I went to see Clare and I did a tarot reading for her . I told Clare to pick 10 - 20 cards. I found it quite easy to read for her. I deliberatley asked her to pick a larger number of cards to see how I would get on. I also picked tarot because I suspected it would force me to connect with Eli. I felt a long time ago that Eli is my 'mediumship' guide.

I had an imnteresting meditation on the way home. Clare gave me some therapy - and we ended up discussing spiritual Sally and scientific Sally. I got the idea that Thomas is there for scientific Sally ( I feel he is an engineer) and Eli is there for spiritual Sally. That gives a new spin on the rock to diamond issue.

I have been reading the Angel Therapy book Marie gave me. It is typical Dooren Virtue - but there are some things in that speak to me - especially when she talks about self doubt and skepticism.

Do I beleive everything Doreen Virtue writes? Well I believe she believes what she writes is the truth. But I do find it difficult to accept people seeing Angels physically.

I di my self healing on the train going up to Clare's. You eally can heal anywhere . I don't think anyone noticed me sketching CKR and DKM. Well if they did - no-one asked me what I was doing. probably thought I was barmy!!

I am debating what to do about Marion's reiki on Thursday. With Andy being in hospital - I thought the wedding would be off. But she contacted me today to ask if it was still on. But she wants me to treat her at 9.00 - which meansd I won't get home till gone 10 - and its too late for me.

Is this a signal I shouldn't treat her? I need to give her an answer tomorrow if I am to be fair to her.

Good day today. Marie came for her hypnotherapy and is going to have another session with me. Tony gave her a reading as well. I will have to be very careful how I handle her. I think there are lots more things going on than she is telling me. I may be wrong - but I think she may be in an abusive relationship NOW. I already know I must take care not to step over the line professionally and keep personal contact to a minimum at the moment.

My self healing went well.

Its been an interesting day today. I met Marie - and she is clearly a rather troubled young woman. She is coming tomorrow to have hypnotherapy.

She is in a relatonship with a man 40 years older than her - and on the basis of what she told me today she feels trapped. She also told me she has problems to deal with from her past. That is what she wants to sort out with hypnotherapy. She is also VERY anxious to learn reiki.

I decided to do a reading for her to find out about her development potential the cards were pretty clear

Clear yourself, Past Life Issues, Archangel Raphael , Third Eye Chakra and Shield Yourself.

Clearly she has potential - if she can deal with these issues from her past. I think her hypnotherapy might be interesting.

My self healing today was a bit flat compared with my previous ones. I still felt the energy flowing though. I used CKR SHK and DKM. I DO like DKM.

I feel a bit 'meh' today. Not sure why. It could be because I haven't meditated.

I have just done 30 minutes of self healing. I used all the symbols and it was amazing. I could feel such a strong energy flow from my hands and all through my body. I really CAN feel the energy especially in my chakras. And I can almost SEE the energy from my hands. It is a very very faint shimmer - like a heat haze. But is really there.

I meditated this morning and saw Eli. There was no special message - just general encouragement

I had a phone call tonight . One of my hospice patients asked if he could have my number to give to his father's girlfriend. Well she rang tonight to ask if I could teach her reiki. I am SO frustrated that I had to say no. But I am meeting her for coffee tomorrow so we can at least talk. She and her boyfriend feel the reiki has done Stephen a lot of good. He is now in a care home - and I have said if the care home don;t object I am happy to continue to treat him . Marie thought it was a great idea even though it won't be free anymore!.

I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

I had a bit of a downer yesterday. My healing at the hospice wasn't sensational - good but not a wow really. Howere there were some interesting things. One lady I treated last week had died. When I treated her I used HSZSN to send healing 'for her net procedure' - an impulse I didn't understand. I now wonder if I sent healing to ease her dying. The second thing was when I was healing a youngish man, I got an image of a young girl with dark auburn hair. Because he is open to all aspects of my healing, I mentioned this and he said his daughter has died her hair dark auburn - and he is anxious because he wants to see her but she is reluctant . As he is moving to a care home today, I suggested she may well be more comfortable coming to see him there. I hope that was a mediumistic message - not just me trying to cheer him up.

I have done self healing and meditation this morning. I tried to sit in the power - and it felt OK. Not as good as when Sue is talking me through it - but OK. The healing was OK. I used CKR, SHK and DKM. I could feel energy coming up from my feet - and got the thought that I needed that to heal and help ground me as well.

I healed for about 15 minutes I suppose.

I meditated after healing and got some interesting thoughts. I have a friend coming for his second life coaching session today - and I was wondering whether to use reiki or hypnotherapy as well. Eli clearly said 'Let him decide what he needs' I also saw Dad - who told me he loved me - and I got the message I need to shine like the diamond I am.

Was that me getting messages from spirit? Or me saying what I wanted to hear. The idea of me shining like a diamond is NOT a natural one for me. I beleive that was mediumistic. I always got reminded I need to practice. It is only the 3 rd day since I was taught to propely sit in the power and connect. I need to work on it.

21 days of self healing

I have just done my first self healing session using the new symbol I have been taught. I consciously tried to sit in the power and expand my aura to get myself into a state where I should be able to hear Jenny. As I did the healing downstairs in the room with Tony, I also tried to expand my energy into his to see if he picked anything up from me - or me from him. I don't think that worked.

Anyway I did 15 to 20 minutes of self healing, utilising all three symbols. I don't normally use any symbols when self healing - apart from CKR to start the flow. However I used all 4 on me. When I used CKR I really felt the energy When I used DKM it intensified and I felt a bit wobbly in the stomach.

I was in a meditative state as I treated myself, and I saw Eli.I was (and am) worried about how well my mediumship WILL be and whether I will develop as Sue clearly thinks I will. Eli told me I will be OK - I just need to practice.

I still have a LONG way to go - but that is why I have to do these 21 days.

I am not sure if I am pleased or disappointed that yesterday didn't go as originally planned. I am a master practitioner - but not a master teacher. The reason was very simple. I am not ready - which I can agree with. But also that I need to see where they are with their energy. Sue assures me I will get there. I am not so sure. But when I first started this the concept of feeling the energy flow would have seemed impossible. Instead I was given a day's intense mediumship training to strengthen my link with my guides. So I was taken into a guided meditation and actually taught to 'sit in the power' (one of the things Tony Stockwell tried to teach on his CD) and it did feel amazing. It helped me feel Jenny and Eli (where was Thomas?) and I even spoke for them. Eli was the most amazing. He has always been there, he knew Dad, When Sue asked him if he could show me his calling card he showed me exactly that - a pack of cards. And suddenly something clicked in my mind about the card Thomas showed me me in meditation a few days ago, and the rock that was his original gift to me. I found myself saying something abut a rock becoming a diamond when it is polished. Amazing. They certainly are not the sorts of things i would normally say. I even told Sue she would learn by teaching me. Sue video'd it and it did seem as if I could see the energy round me - and chnages in my face as a guide came in - but it was dark and pixelation/matrixing do strange things - so I amot sure about that.

I did two treatments one on jason and another one on Jo. For both Itried acyively to link to jeny AND to expand my energy to the person I was treating. Treating Jason Jenny reminded me about his elbow problem, so I went to his right elbow - and felt nothing. I went to his left elbow and energy flowed - but he wears his watch on his left hand as if he was right handed. Turns out he shoots left handed. My second treatment on Jo was much better than the first one. I did picke things up more accurately.

Anyway I have a 6 month plan for my development - and reiki is all about personal development more so than healing.

It will be interesting to see how things go on out next paranormal event. Will I see hear and feel more?

Reiki level 3 - day one

Today was absolutely amazing. It started with a discussion of brain waves - alpha theta and delta and where I am when I work. I should be working in theta - but am mainly in alpha - at the moment. I am sure that will change.

Sue then led me in a guided meditation to help me feel and expand my energy and an exploration of why I find it hard to hard to open up. I expanded my energy by visualising my heart chakra I saw it as spinning pink.Sue asked me to expand my energy and I saw that as a shaft of green light coming out of the centre and filling the room. I thensaw energy coming in from my crown chakra and the green became flecked with white, gold and purple I really could feel the atmosphere almost crackling

I then explored various things by seeing my heart chakra as a pick rosebud. I had to explore why it wasn't open - and it got quite emotional as my relationship with Mum and Dad, my issues over my weight and even the hurt inflicted by Alan all surfaced. I had gestalt conversations (and spirit communication?) with Mum and Dad. I saw the rose as open - but this time it was yellow - and I remembered the masquerade roses dad had in the front garden.

I linked the yellow with the solar plexus chakra and got told that all my chakra's work to balance each other and support each other. I briefly visualised my throat chakra as a blur flecked crystal.


When Sue told me to come back to the room I had to count myself back - just as I would count back when bringing a client out of trance. I realise now that I was guided to learn about hypnotherapy so I could actually understand about depth of trance and brain waves and utilise them to good advantage.

We alos discussed the responsibilities of a reiki practitoner - and tomorrow I know we will discuss the repsonsibilities of a master teacher.

I learned a new symbol DKM which gives soul/spiritual healing. Having learned it and what it does,. Sue then got me to give a treatment to one of her friends (Jo) using the symbol -even tho I had not at that been attuned. The treatment went OK - but when I used DKM I really felt the power - and almost felt sick- and did feel quite wobbly. Jo said she felt very light - if hot' after the treatment. I really chanel heat!!

After the tretament Sue then did the attunement. Before she started Sue said there were other people there - and said Sandy wanted to be recognised.

I closed my eyes and relaxed and felt someone was in front of me - but Sue was behind me. Someone touched my left arm, I felt breath on my face when Sue was behind me, and I got this horrible pain in my right arm just below the shoulder. When the attunement was finished, Sue told me take time to meet new guides, and I got this picture of Sandy as a grizzled highlander with shaggy red hair, a shaggy red berard wearing a kilt. I got the ide that he was putting the pain in my arm becasue he had a sword injury in his arm. I asked him ot take it off me - and he did. I need to learn who he is and what he does

Eli was also around for the first time in a LONG time. Sue described him very well. I always felt he was my guide for mediumship - and there is no doubt this attunement has opened me up and will improve my medium abilities.

Tomorrow I will learn how to attune then practice on Sam (Sue's dog) and then on Jo.

I feel tired, have one hell of a headache but am also exited by events and really looking forward to tomorrow

The pamper party on Saturday went really well. No-one wanted reiki but Sarah had said she thought only 3 or 4 people would want oracle readings. In the end Tony and I were working for two and half hours solid. I think everyone had a reading and one girl had one from each of us. As well as being profitable financially it taught us both a lesson. We were both exhausted afterwards. I was better because I am used to working with spirit. Tony isn't.

He has now realised he needs to give more time to things like meditation, protection and grounding.

Sarah was pleased with how things went and she will be contacting me later this week about using her room at the salon to give reiki and a more permanent link with her businesses. I would say its coincidence how all this is happening now - except I know it isn't

Today is the first day of my reiki level 3. I am nervous. So I decided to ask Raphael for some advice. The card I got was 'have faith' That is a good message on so many levels. I need to have faith in myself, faith in my reiki and faith the Raphael will be with me helping me today

We went to The Witch last night. Apart from feeling as if someone poked me in the back, nothing much happened for me. Tony had an interesting time tho. He ended up chanelling someone and getting loads of information that can be checked up on. On the way home e discussed the possibility that none of it was correct - and why that would be. I guess last night had me thinking about what 'spirit' is. Certainly my sceptical side was well to the fore.

I did give some reiki last night as well. One of the guests has sever osteoarthritis in her right knee. Tracy ( who has trained with Sue) tried giving some reiki into the knee and said it wouldn't go in. I decided to help her and the energy flow was nil - until I did CKR over her knee and drew the symbol several times. THEN I could feel something going in. She has been told she needs knee replacement and I am guessing thats why the energy wouldn't in at first. Repair isn't possible and thats what reiki mainly does.

I am using the blog as meditation tool this morning. I feel very unfocussed. I am not sure what to do. I am having hair extensions put in today and I am not sure if it os going to be a disastrous waste of 40,00, or a huge boost to my self esteem that will enable me to move forward with the changes I think I need to make.

My self esteem DOES need a boost. I always feel a bit down after an evening when everyone else has 'seen' and heard' things from spirit, and I feel blind and deaf. Reminding myself we all have out different talents doesn't help. Part of me WANTS to give a message from a departed loved one to someone who really needs to hear it. Part of me feels that the healing I do is nowhere near as glamorous as traditional mediumship. Why does that matter?

Is it because I feel I am settling for second best? as if that is all I DESERVE to be able to do? Its certainly typical of my thinking. Thats why I settled for such bad relationships in the past. And to be honest there is still part of my that feels I don't deserve Tony - but now I also know he is lucky to have me - something I can never remember feeling in my other relationships.

So I do recognise I have a lot to offer. So is my frustration born of envy, or because I am not fulfilling my full potential. Will doing my level three help unlock my potential? Probably not. The only person who can expand my potential is me by practicing.

But I do need to be sure I am practicing the right things. So I need to ask spirit what my next move should be for development.

I used my Angel guidance deck and pulled 5 cards. I am not sure what the message is. I got

Ground yourself - always good advice
Giving and receiving - I do find it difficult to receive.
Play - maybe as sign I need to relax a bit about it all. Don;t over think things as Sue would say
Perfect timing - so it is the right time for reiki three and the other changes I need to make
Be honest with yourself. I want to have more mediumship ability - so I need to practice.

I woke up feeling rather cr@p this morning. I have not been sleeping well lately (due to too high thyroxine levels - my dose has been reduced) do I am tired. I ache, and I have a horrendous headache. Also overnight I had a bout of my' almost but not quite cystitis' I think (maybe wrongly) that dehydration could be a factor in the cystits and the headache. So I found myself thinking about having a detox day .

I decided to use my Raphael deck and asked what I should do to get myself into the best of health.

The answer was Diet is important here, Laughter is the best medicine and Exercise is the key. I was sort of expecting to get the Detoxification card.

I decided to use my Fairy deck for clarification and got Beauty, Trust your intuition, and Visualization.

OK so what do I take from that. I DO need to drink more water but my intention was JUST to drink today and that clearly is bad. I need to eat a good diet, I need to visualise myself healthy - and see my beauty . And I also need to stop taking things so seriously and have some fun. All good health advice - and it placing the responsibility firmly on my shoulders to make the right choices.

We are going to The Witch tonight for the first time on ages. I think it could be a good evening.

I had an amzing experience at the hospice today. I only had one patient, and contrary to usual I hadn't read her notes before I treated her. This was because Jean and I had to tout for patients today. Jean took verbal consent, then left to do the paperwork while I got on with treatment.

She was obviously quite poorly and I felt 20 minutes would be as much as she could take. The only problem she mentioned to me was her stomach which was very distended and she said she needed her stoma to start working. When I was working on her stomach I kept my hands moving - sort of massaging her with reiki. I felt a lot of energy going into her legs which I didnt understand. And I also felt I needed to 'massage' her legs with reiki (something I have never done before) In the back of my mind I got the idea of keeping the blood in her legs moving. I know she is at risk of DVT due to immobility and underlying disease - and I thought that was what I was dealing with.

At the end of the session her first comment was that her feet felt warm for the first time in a long term. I later found out she has Raynauds disease. I should add from the gurgling noises we heard during treatment her stoma was starting to work

Yesterday was really interesting. I was seeing a friend to do some life coaching. I decided to do a reading for him using Ask Your Guides before he turned up. I wanted to see if I get some kind of idea about what he needed to concentrate on. I did - but I didn't realise it until we were well into the session. Then later he asked for a tarot reading and that built nicely on the session.

I didnt do any self healing yesterday. I must do some today.

My meditation today was interesting. I had intended to meditate on what compassion is. But I ended up doing protection and grounding mainly. I was very aware of energy and my chakra's. I felt I had too much energy and needed to ground.

When I grounded I saw Jenny and she put the purple cloak around my shoulders again. Not sure what it meant though.

I did 15 minutes of self healing this morning. I started off with ms gave me y normal hand position at the base of the abdomen then moved to various split hand positions on my body and specifically on my head. I also treated my knees. I could generally feel the flow in the nearest chakra to my hands. When I treated my knees I could feel energy in my legs. I also felt very hot again part way through the session.

I decided to use my Angel Therapy and Ask Your Guides decks together with three cards from each. Angel Therapy gave me Singing and Dancing, If you get nervous focus on service, and Cancel Clear Delete. Ask Your Guide gave me Self Esteem, Devotion and Shame. Certainly singing and dancing and having fun are good for self esteem. Focussing on service certainly requires Devotion. Cancel Clear delete and Shame feel as if they go together. It isn't the first time I have picked Shame recently. Does this refer to my relationship with jane? Or is it about my failure to lose weight?

Something to meditate on I think - and that will be my next move, And maybe It would help if I meditated on what the 5 the reiki principle means. What is compassion and how can I show it?

This morning I have done 10 minutes of self healing - downstairs while watching the news. About 5 minutes in I suddenly felt really hot and sweaty for about a minute then it faded away. I could feel the energy flowing all the time . I just kept my hands on my sacral chakra. This was partly for comfort but also because my cystitis issue seems to be making a comeback. I am actually going to look and see what bladder issues could be a sign of in my wider life. I do not subscribe to the belief that some spiritual healers have that EVERY disease in a certain part of the body is linked to the same sort of life issue. But I am totally prepared to look at a psychological cause for physical problems which seem to be recurrent. And lets face it I have had bladder problems since I was 11!! So a bit of reading later.

I went to church this morning. It was interesting that the vestments were green - the colour associated with Raphael - and the bit of the service that hit me like an arrow was the prayer that talked about serving in newness of life - and I found myself thinking that my master training does mark a very pivotal new beginning for me. Message for me?

Why do I feel the need to go to church? I always feel a little uncomfortable because I know a majority of church members and clergy wouldn't exactly approve of my activities and my beliefs. I certainly don't normally stop to talk to anyone. And I got to the 8.00 am said communion so I don't have to suffer the moment in the normal family communion when the congregation is invited to offer one another the sign of peace. Considering I am a very tactile person, love giving and receiving hugs why do I feel so uncomfortable when everyone wanders round and shakes hands? Why do I put myself in an environment that makes me uncomfortable?


Anyway I did a meditation and my normal intercessions before the service - including my recitation of the reiki principles. And no I didn't feel it was inappropriate to do that in that environment. I feel the reiki principles are totally compatible with Christian beliefs, indeed the beliefs of all major religions.

I am preparing for my reiki level 3 attunement in just over a week. I am preparing a long entry about all sorts of things to do with this, but one of my decisions was that in the run up I meditate on things to do with reiki and do self healing every day.

Today I grabbed my sodalite crystal for the meditation and remembered that it has significance for melding the logical with the spiritual. At times I feel my reiki benefits from the logical side. At other times I feel my logical side blocks me from doing the more spiritual things like seeing auras, seeing spirit, getting clear messages from spirit etc.

I settled in to do my meditation and concentrated on my breathing , then I did my normal recitation of the Lord's Prayer and tried to feel the energy in my chakras. After my normal intercession prayer for everyone on my prayer list, I then decided to meditate on the CKR symbol. And I saw that the symbol with its straight lines and curves is just like me. The straight lines are my logical side, the curves are my spiritual side. Now CKR is the CORNERSTONE of reiki. What does that mean for me?

I then did about 10 minutes of self healing. Again I tired to really FEEL the energy flow - and I did.

With a visit to the doctor due to day, I have been focussing on my health issues especially my weight. Today I realised that I had forgotten one large factor that could be responsible for my weight gain over the last year - a massive reduction the amount of days I am working. However this doesn't make me feel any better about my weight and general appearance

I decided to pull a card from 'Ask your guides' this morning . Shame (Divine Healers) fell out almost as soon as I started to shuffle. The message of this card is about boosting self esteem and how the universe supports us -even when we feel the rest of the world is against us. Its the fact that the card is a healer card that is significant too - on a day when my health is uppermost in my mind.

Archangel raphael gave me 'fresh air' so I think I had better get moving if I I am to WALK to the surgery rather than drive!!

I decided to use Ask your guides and Angel Therapy together today - 3 cards from each plus 1 each from Raphael and Fairies

Ask your Guides gave me Self Control Appreciation and Compromise
Angel Therapy gave me Emotional Sensitivity, Fairies and Power Animal.

Fairies and Power Animal both suggest getting into the fresh air - so I wasn't too surprised when Raphael gave me Fresh Air. Fairies gave me vacation

Self control and Emotional sensitivity do go together. I need to use my sensitivity but keep it in check. Yesterday I pulled Temperance from my tarot deck which is also about emotional balance.

Appreciation and Fairies don't seem to fit - unless I need to acknowledge that I get help from ...no I can't say Fairies I dont believe in them - but nature spirits? Could this be linked with my quest for a new lapel badge with a cornish pixie on????

Compromise and Power animal seem totally unrelated.

I was considering taking a walk in the park even before I drew these cards. I will definitely do so. Good exercise for body and mind. I can meditate as I walk.

I feel really fed up this morning - and I am wondering if I need to make an entry in my other blog since a lot of the issues going round in my head are lifestyle related. But I decided to do some cards and picked one each from Raphael, Daily Guidance and Fairy decks

The message was quite cohesive

Acceptance - accepting that everything is going in the right direction is what is on the card - but when I pulled it I THOUGHT I read it was about acceptance of what is going on. Maybe that should also be acceptance of what HAS gone on i.e. my thyroid issues

Honouring your true feelings - because I still DON'T accept what has gone on

Innocence - and the text on the card includes the words 'Give us your feelings of heaviness'

Well heavy sums up how I feel this morning.

The message I take from these is that I have to honour the way I feel, learn from it, accept what has happened - and also accept myself as I am. That idea has literally juts come to me. Blogging as a form of meditation strikes again.

Today started well. I did a good 30 minutes on the wii fir, had a healthy breakfast and was feeling really upbeat and in control. Then I went to meet Margaret and Sheila at Feet Retreat and it all came crumbling down because they wouldn't treat me due to a small crack in the skin on one foot. This really upset me - almost certainly out of all proportion to the actual event.

However there is still one thing on the plus side. Today we are meeting the ownere of the SaS Co hair salon in Bournville. They are interested in both my reiki and Tony's oracle cards for their pamper parties and I am almost certanly going to book a room one day a week at their other salon to give reiki. I have even ordered a portable trartment table and rolling stool!!

I pulled some cards. I ended up pulling 8 tarot cards. Well to be honest I went for one and the other 7 came with it. WHAT a selection!

The Tower
9 of Cups
10 of Pentacles
Ace of Cups
King of Pentacles
8 of wands
8 of pentacles
Ace of Pentacles

Tower = change, 9 of Pentacles - the wish card, 10 of Pentacles - making something concrete for the future, Ace of Cups -well aces are always good. I presume in this case the relationship is between us and Sarah . King of Pentacles - need ambition and determination, 8 wands end to delays - fortune is on your side, 8 pentacles - new direction in career, Ace of Pentacles - invest energy and drive in a new business

2 8's in the selection and I drew 8 cards - and 8 is the number of regeneration

How many good omens can there BE for the meeting??

But I must NOT get complacent. It still needs work and and dedication. It will only happen if we put the time and energy into it

I didn't meditate last night. By the time I got to bed I was too tired. Today however I am up early and will have time to do my spiritual exercises before I go out.

Today the things on my mind are the meeting that I am having this morning with the beauty salon down the road about offering reiki to their clients, exercise, and healthy eating . I am meeting Magie later to go swimming. It will be the first time we have met since the holiday and the row over NOT meeting for a drink while we were both down in Cornwall My weight is out of control at the moment and I need to get BACK in control.

Yesterday I found myself wondering if my habit of throwing dried fruit on my breakfast was as healthy as it could be. It is probably quite high in calories. So this morning I decided to have fresh fruit with plain yoghurt. Yet again I pulled Detoxification from the Raphael deck. That feels like a supportive card for that decision.

Because of a tight schedule - Salon at 9, swimming at 10.30 - although I should walk to the salon I was toying with the idea of using the car just to make sure I am not late for swimming. I do feel the Environmental Awareness card I got from the Fairy deck is a nudge to make sure I walk.

I decided to pull a card from Daily Guidance from your Angels and got Innocence. Does this refer to the spat with Maggie?

Tarot gave me The Lovers - and card that indicates a choice or maybe a partner. Does this COULD this be a good omen for the meeting at the salon?

Or am I just reaching to make the cards fit what is going on?

Sometimes things just happen.

Thats how it feels today. I got an unexpected call from HMP Birmingham asking about my availability for work. It looks as if they have some dates for me in July. Suddenly I have enough work for the whole of July - having had NO offers while I was having my operation and treatment. I think I was on the wrong track before. I was thinking I needed to stop working as a pharmacist. I think what I needed to stop was WORRYING about how much work I would get.

I haven't mediated yet today although I have prayed and done my reiki principles. I got the idea that I should meditate tonight. Because of a trip to the doctor I didn't get round to my meditation etc until quite late in the day.

My cards are very interesting.

3 of Pentacles - again - from my Tarot deck

Awakening your true self and Honouring your true feelings from my Fairy deck

Jesus the Divine Healer and Forgiveness Heals from my Raphael deck

So the 3 of Pentacles is confirming the foundations are complete - but there is still more to do . No problem with that

The cards from the Fairy deck I think are telling me I need to be myself.

The Raphel cards have me thinking - and I think I need to meditate on then - whihc is probably why I got the idea about meditating later on. They could be confirming I am on the right path, that Jesus is with me in my healing work, but I think the healng is aimed at me - and I think I need to forgive someone but I am not sure who. Or it could be I need to ASK for forgiveness from someone - and I am not sure who.

An amazing day

Today I was doing my volunteering at the hospice. I only did 3 treatments but they were all amazing. My first patient was incredibly spiritual, using cards (archangel raphael cards!) and meditation cds - although he said he was having problems meditating since coming into the hospice. His father's girlfriend had given him spiritual healing in the past, and during the treatment he started rummaging around in his bag for a crystal he suddenly felt an urge to hold. Because he was so open I was able to be more openly spiritual than I normally am. He reacted when I started treating his throat, and at the end of the treatment I decided he was so open to things psychic that I could risk telling him that I felt he had something that he needed to tell someone - and that it was important he did so. I wasn't totally on the mark - but he did say he needed to talk to the police about something and that it would help to clear someone's name - but at the moment he couldn't talk to the police.

My second patient was a home treatment (first of many I hope) She was pragmatic, not religous but spiritual in her own way. She ended up in tears at one point - and personally I think she got more benefit from the talking than form the reiki - but that is still part of my healing work.

My third patient was an out patient who had had reaiki before but over a year ago. During the treatment I sensed more energy going into her right leg than her left so at the end of the session I asked if she was having problems with her leg and she said it had started aching. Based on her medical history I suggested it was probably nothing but that to be on the safe side she should mention it to her GP. During the treatment I also found myself usign a very unusual hand positon - one hand on either side of her lower abdomen. It turns out she is seeing a gynaecologist with a view to having a hysterectomy.

I always find it very humbling when I pick up things during a treatment like that.

Both the patients I treated at the hopsice want treatmentsts next week

Building a new life

I have had my operation, I have had my radio-iodine treatment, and we have been away on holiday. So now I am at the start of a new era in my life - and hopefully I can move on with things. Trouble is I am unsure what to focus on. Up till now I have always felt my spiritual work was something to do in my spare time. I was focussing on finding enough pharmacy work to keep me going financially while I dabbled in reiki and hypnotherapy. But I am no longer sure that is the best way. My meditation yesterday gave me the idea that keeping on with pharmacy is keeping me on the autumn side of the path.

Yesterday I did a tarot reading for myself asking for a reading if I stopped working as a pharmacist. I also asked Tony to do a reading using his goddess cards asking the same question. Both seemed positive - and the cards that Tony got indicated I needed to keep up with this blog (Tony I hope you are reading this!!!)

I decided to pull some cards for guidance - and decided to turn the tv off and put some nice music on while I did the cards. I used three decks. Raphael, Fairy and Tarot

One card fell out of the Raphael deck so I took that as my pick - and it was 'exercise' As I gad already done 30 minutes on the wii-fit this morning I took that as endorsement of my decision that I need to exercise more. In fact before I got up this morning I found myself thinking about going for a walk in the park. So I am guessing I had those thoughts in response to some gentle spiritual prompting

The Fairy deck gave me 'Make Music' That I am taking as endorsement of my decision to play some music. I bought a new CD called 'sound massage' while we were on holiday and that is what I am playing as I type this. I also wonder if I am being told to use music more with my healing.

My tarot cards were

The Devil
3 of Wands
3 or Pentacles

So something has come to an iniital completion - but thee is more to do. I don;t find that frustrating - I just want to be sure I am doing the right things. And that does feel like a reasonable description of how I feel at the moment.

Wands is creativity - and that backs up one of the cards Tony got during my reading yesterday. Pentacles is finances - and certainly finance is a critical factor in my decisions. Financially do I NEED to continue working as a pharmacist? But it is The Devil that has me fascinated. What am I repressing? What do I need to explore about my inner self? Is it telling me working as a pharmacist is repressing my spiritual work?

I need to meditate on that.

Later

I have meditated on that card. I found myself flying and able to see how all the 'places' I use in my meditations fit together. Basically the path runs from my 'safe glade' to my 'castle room' then branches one way goes to my 'moroccan house' and the other goes to my 'temple of dreams' I got the idea that my dreams are key to my role as a healer. I also got the idea that I am repressing my dreamer side and that this could be hindering my work as a healer. The Moroccan house is where I often see my reiki guide and where I tend to get my best info on patients - this is why I feel it represents my work as a healer.

So is my practical side - the one that feels I need to keep working as a pharmacist - actually hindering my healer side?

One of the cards Tony pulled for me yesterday was about taking risks. Is that the risk I have to take?

I had an amazing half hour of prayer meditation and reiki self healing this morning. In my meditation this time I went on to the autumn side of the path. Penny was there with me - then suddenly the fire elemental I saw yesterday was there and all the leaves were burning up - in fact the whole landscape burned up - tore a whole in the view and through it I could see my temple of dreams.

I went in - and the image on the stained glass window was of Christ standing with his arms open welcoming me. The pews were full. Normally I walk up to the front but something kept me at the back and I decided to do some reiki self healing. My thoughts kept wandering during the reiki - but when I had finished I went back to the temple and I was still standing at the back. I turned and walked out - with the clear idea that all that was waiting for me in the temple will still be there for me once I am over my treatment. But I know my creativity will be needed in some way. I just have to work out how

Elements

I wasn't planning on a long meditation today - and it wasn't but I did get some surprising images. I was going to my safe place and while walking through the forest I saw a stylised flame that came onto my hand for a moment then danced away. I entered my safe glade and the portcullis came down behind me. I looked round the glade and saw the hedge. the path and the other gate - which closed as I looked at it. I also saw a fountain (the green fountain from FV!!) and went over to have a drink. I realised it was emerald green - and thought Raphael. Then I felt a breeze and realised I was standing on the earth and saw I had all four elements present. I went and sat down on the bench and grounded myself and almost turned into a tree and got the idea that even a gale couldn't blow me over.

I wonder why the fire was outside the glade? I am not sure what this meditation means . Does it mean I have balance or need balance? I am sure I was being told I am strong enough to cope as long as I am balanced.

This needs more thought

Its all in the cards

The other day I did a meditation and it was very interesting. I was walking through my forest, and realised on the left of the path it was autumn leaves while on the right it was spring grass. I decided to see what I would find on the spring side and ended up walking down some steps into a hollow with a stream running through it and a bed by the stream. I lay down and the top of the hollow got covered over by bushes. I got up and had to pull myself up a rope ladder to get out.

I aske don one the FB groups for some advice and got told it could be a new beginning which is probably true. However I realised I had the feeling of choice. I chose to explore the spring side. I decided I needed to re-visit the meditation again. However I also decided to ask Tony for a reading. One of the cards that came out was 'meditate' and another was 'write' He also pulled 'prioritise' . His reading was that I need to decide what my priorities and concentrate on them. He also pointed out I hadn't made a blog entry for some time.

I tried to reviist the meditation again this morning and this time took the path ahead. It wasn't a clear meditation but I found myself running and leaping a gate, but then it all went unclear and I couldn't get any clear images except maybe standing on a cliff. Hmm But trying that meditation on a morning when I am rushing to get out wasn't the best idea really was it.

I really do need to get back to blogging again. I haven't done much in either blog for ages. Bloging is a sign of discipline and I think that is what I lack sometimes