Swan totem?

Yesterday morning I made a feeble attempt at meditation that got nowhere because I couldn't focus. I ended up juts doing Chris's rose visualisation , closing the curtain on it, then opening it to see what image I got. I got a swan.

I decided to ask on FB if anyone could give me a clue what it meant and got told it might be my totem animal. I also got told swan's can access dreamtime and indicates the ability to predict the future. Now although I would love to have that ability I don't believe it exists. When the psychics on 886 predict important events linked to a certain name )sometimes even a specific day) I am always very sceptical - and I wonder how many recipients of the messages get disappointed if/when they don't happen. But there is also a link to healing so I decided I couldn't dismiss the swan image as one from my imagination. It was nexpected - and for me that is a sign I am not imagining it.

So last night I decided to meditate before I went to sleep and see if I could get any further information about the swan. I was in my forest and found myself sitting by a small river with a swan on the water being very friendly towards me - head butting me like a cat, putting its head in my lap. I then linked the access to dreamtime and the ability to predict the future- and found myself thinking about my waking visions when I see writing.

I predicted to myself that I would have a waking vision and this time I would be able to read the writing. Deep breath - I did and I could. Just one word 'interrupt'

Wow.................................

I am now wondering what (if anything) I can do to make use of this and understand it better. I suspect nothing except create a stronger link so an messages can come through clearer.

Is the swan my totem? I have no idea. Do I have a totem at all? I have no idea. Four animals have appeared in my meditations at different times. Penny, a wolf, a robin, and now a swan. These last two are very recent - within the past week. They could all mean something or nothing - but I suspect they do all have a meaning on some level even if I don't believe in animal guides and/or totems.

Now the odd thing is I have never seen a cat - which is the logical animal for my subconscious to pick since my first close contact with an animal was with a cat (RIP TIddles - our neighbour's cat)

My card this morning was the 7 of pentacles. I used the pendulum to try and work out what it meant and I think it is more to do with Krystal Wolf than it is for me personally. I am going to ask Tony to meditate on it.

I tried to meditate on it - but it didn't go well. I am unbelievably tired after the past couple of days - and I couldn't really focus. I did get an insight tho. The entrance to my safe glade is now through hedge arches with portcullis gates. I have seen the gate coming down on my head as I enter the glade - usually when I am not quite focussing. Today I got the insight that the gate represents my self destructive and self sabotage ability. Something to think about - when I have some energy.

This morning I was guided to use my Angel Therapy deck and to pick the top 3 cards which were Fairies, Indigo Child and Integrity. These puzzled me - but I used the pendulum to answer question and I feel that Indigo Child and Integrity are both telling me about myself. Telling me I am sensitive - and a leader - but need to make sure my actions are aligned with my values. Life coaching 101. Fairies puzzled me because it talks about my purpose being to help nature. With help from the pendulum I decided the best way to solve this was to do Laura Daligan's guided meditation. I was able to be a thinner me in the meditation. The gift I gave to Mab was a walnut, and she gave me a green gem. I was very aware of the green gem hanging on a chain round her neck as I visualised her. I couldn't formulate a coherent question for her.

With part of my mind I was criticising Laura's style and thinking it was a bit too fast paced - and found myself wondering about doing my own guided meditations. After all I will be doing hypnosis tracks for my patients. This fits in with other hints I have had about teaching being in my future.

Teaching and communication were on my list of things I want to do when I did CYLI7D
My cottage was full of books - with books on the coffee table
I can easily identify people I feel would benefit from reiki attunement
Emmeline from ROH has said she would be interested in learning reiki in a couple of years - by which time I will be master level. Its almost as if I have pupils coming forward already.

I need to think about this very carefully.

I also need to think about the walnut and the gem and what they may mean.

Priorities

Today I have a busy day including an afternoon of work - PAID locum work so this morning I am having to prioritise what I do. That means spiriitual work before anything else.

I got my pendulum repaired yesterday. Since I am going to be using it more I realised it deserved better than the blu-tac repair to keep the chain attached to the crystal. So I took it inot the jeweller where we get out crystals. As I was waiting for him to finish the work I decided to go and look at the oracle cards - and me eye was immediately drawn to Archangel Raphael Healing cards. Elaine prayed to Rahael before my reiki treatment - and the spray she used was green. When I tired to see my aura I saw green. The cards are in a green box. They jumped to my attention - so I bought them.

This morning the pendulum indicated I should pick three cards from it. I got

Easy does it
Yes
Call upon Archangel Raphael for help

I take this is an indication I was right to agree to work this afternoon, but must not push myself. And that Raphael will be there helping me.

I asked the pendulum if I should work tomorrow afternoon as well - and got a negative. I am sure ROH will be disappointed - but they will survive. If I do both afternoons for them they may well expect me to do a lot more next week - and I am not ready for that yet.

Trusting the tools I have

I usd the pendulum to help me pick cards today again. Cumbersome - but I feel it helps attune me to the pendulum and the cards - and gives me confidence in both. I got my usual decks out - and the pendulum rejected them all, so I asked it if I should pick from another deck and it said yes. So I got all the other decks and it indicated I should pick from Universal Love - a deck a feel little affinity for depsite it being vaguely reiki based.

I shuffled and a card dropped out. The pendulum said it was a pick. I then worked out I needed 3 more cards - and used the pendulum to help me pick them. They were

Message from heaven - be who I am meant to be
Love -let love guide me and respond with love rather than fear
Abundance- its coming my way and remember abundance is a state of mind
Meditation (I think this was the one that dropped out) 'Meditate upon a loving thought for it is through love that all becomes clear'

The overall message is I am doing the right things and things are working out.

Yesterday we got a message from The Falstaff asking is anyone wanted to do readings at the street party they are having for the Royal Wedding. We have said we would - so Krystal Wolf gets its first official outing much sooner than we thought. The invitation arrived on the same day our business cards turned up too. Its all coming together suddenly


Later

I meditated and ended up in my cottage room with Peter. The cottage room was full of books - there were even books on the coffee table. The curtains on the right of the room were red and open. the curtains at the left were green and closed.

I set my intention for the mediation as the meaning of the three cards apart from meditation and the message I got was I am EXACTLY as the universe intends me to be, and to stop negative thinking. So the message from 'be who you are meant to be' is 'For goodness sake accept you are who you are meant to be'

And abundance - well my typing of this was interrupted by a call from the agency asking me if I am free to work at ROH tomorrow and Friday. I have said I can do the afternoons only due to appointments at the hospice.

It feels right!

Affirmations

I like the idea of affirmations -and I have realised they are just another way of focussing your thoughts. I am using a 4 part affirmation

I love and approve of myself
I am a reiki practitioner
I am a hypnotherapist
I am a partner in a small business

I used my pendulum today to pick which deck I was going to pick a card from and then to pick that card. I picked Appreciation from the Ask your guides deck.


Having posted my thoughts on The Lords Prayer the discussion turned to Ps 23 so I meditated on that and the card this morning as I felt they may be connected. I realised Ps 23 ia all about how much help we get and need from outside ourselves - while the card told me to recognise and appreciate the help. I think the new forums on FB - especially Litz Butcher's - are going to be a support to me. I also think they may give me a voice - i.e. somewhere I can post my thoughts. It does all rather tie in.

I went to the glade again this morning - still with its hedges and gates. For the first time in ages I saw all my gifts - and I think I need to appreciate the help from guides as well as from networks in the 'real' world. I also saw a new meaning for the handkerchief - it is something I can use if clients get emotional during their healing. I think it means just as I give support to them - so I have support for myself emotionally.

There has been a lot of talk about 2012 on one forum. Karen Handford told me it is all to do with the planets aligning next year (I can check if that is a fact) and energy gates opening up. Hmmmm. I can accept that a planetary alignment may change the gravitational pull - and gravity is a form of energy. But on the whole 2012 is way too fanciful for me - there is nothing factual I can really get my head round. And I have no idea where to get credible information

The amazing power of walking - and a new view of The Lords Prayer

I have been for a walk this morning round the lake - the first time I have done it for weeks. I intended to listen to some music but found I had taken the wrong headphones with me so I ended up listening to the birds - and doing some interesting thinking.

I made lots of positive affirmations. I can do these with any sort of exercise. That provides a solution to the 'how do I find time to do all this' conundrum. I am a woman - and I multitask

But the most interesting musing (meditation?) was about the Lords prayer and how it also encompasses positive thought. Its the order in which it is said. It start with praising God and aligning us with him (Thy will be done on earth as it is heaven) Then the next bit is 'give us this day our daily bread' A demand with no please in front of it - because we have the right to expect that - because that is what the universe (God) expects to do. Then and ONLY then ( and by no means conditional) does it come to the part about sin and forgiveness. In other words the daily bread is NOT conditional on the forgiveness. The forgiveness is necessary for our spiritual growth. We need to forgive ourselves (positive thought, loving ourselves) BEFORE we can forgive others.

I haven't quite assimilated all this yet - but I am certain it is important - and that I have something to learn from this.

A spiritual routine

I have recognised the need to have a spiritual routine - not just doing some stuff when I have the time. I have been meditating every day for s few days now, but last night something made me look at Pendulum magic - which Simon returned to me last Wednesday. I went to the last 2 chapters and discovered that contrary to my thoughts the book was basically practical it does touch on the spiritual as well. I realised I need to use my pendulum more. So this morning I did my regular recitation of the reiki principals followed by my prayers then I used my pendulum. I got very strong responses. So I decided to use it to ask about Neal and Lou's baby. It will be born healthy, but after the due date of April 23rd. I asked if it would be born on April 28th - which was Dad's birthday and it said yes.

My meditation was interesting. I walked through the normal forest to my safe glade but this time there was a hedged archway that I walked through. When I went through it a portcullis gate came down behind me and I could see a second archway out of the glade which also had a portcullis gate shutting it. I walked round the glade and saw it had a privet hedge round it now like the one we used to have in Marlow. I realised No-one can come in unless I invite them. I raised the gates and waited to see who would come in - but O am not sure what happened. I got the thought that I need to do some gestalt work with Claire of Sally to talk to Mum and Dad. U sat down on the bench that now exists under the tree and I imagine my feet going into a fish tank like the one at feet retreat. I then did the inner smile but it stopped at my brain as I realised positive thoughts release good feelings all over your body. I visualised myself with gold light spreading through me from top to toe.

I then decided to pull cards - one from each deck. I got 9 of swords, Inner Power,Steady progress and Throat Chakra.

To me this means I need to stop worrying about the future, I need to trust in my inner power - which is greater than I think it is, I am making steady progress in the right direction and my throat is chakra is fine - my throat is healing OK. The words in that card are The angels are helping you lovingly speak your truth - not the truth but YOUR (i.e. my) truth. The book talks about admitting my true feelings

Also steady progress the text reads 'We acknowledge you for the progress you have made in remembering love in your daily activities. I have had a lot of thoughts about the necessity of loving
myself and my body lately. Hmm

Inner power talks about not being able to abuse your power and talks about my guides bringing me opportunities.

As I was picking up the Angel deck book I managed to displace the cards and 2 fell on the floor. Joy and Be honest with yourself My power comes from staygn centered in a feeling of joy Steady progress talks about being to hard on myself and that I need to stay focused ib how far I have come already. being honest with myself talks about me hiding my feelings and needing to talk. That ties in with Throat chakra in a way.

And the 9 of swords explanation speaks about fears being more to do with thoughts than feelings. This what I have been focussing lately - and clearly this card is to tell me I am on the right track



I got up ay 7 and it is now 10.30 and I haven't had breakfast yet. I guess my spiritual tasks have taken about an hour - including making this entry - which is part of the process. I think that is about the right time to spend on this.