Yetsreday I was feeling stressed (see Edna blog for why) and I really needed to talk to someone. So I logged into St Pixels and found people I could talk to and was also just in time for a prayer service. To be honest the tone of the service wasn't to my taste - but I was able to increase the prayer circle round Edna. But the most amzing thing was the psalm was psalm 23. That has had a special meaning for me ever since Denise helped me one day when I was really stressed . She said that psalm had come into her mind earlier that day and she hadn't known why until I asked for her help. So something put the psalm into HER mind so she was ready to help ME. These things DO happen.
I can't yet work out the significance of Psalm 23 being used yesterday - but I feel I was meant to be at St Pixels yesterday. I'm not entirely sure why yet - but I will keep my eyes and mind open.
I did self healing last night. I was so stressed it seemed like a good idea. I do feel calmer this morning - but I have yet to confront Edna's problems face to face today. The calm may well shatter very quickly.
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Saturday, 26 September 2009
2nd reiki treatment
This really was an amazing experience. the pateint was a freind of mine - who admitted later he felt sceptical about reiki. But he definitely experienced stuff right from the start - and got quite emotional during the treatment.he also got thirsty and yawned a lot towards the end of the treatment.
I didnt attempt any preparation. I decided to trust my instincts. I started with him face up and while he was face up I actually said I didn't think I would need to do anything below the waist. But when he turned onto his back, I felt I needed to treat his legs.
I was getting feedback all the way through from him, but the following was typed almost from dictation after the session as I wanted to record everything.
Patient experienced
Hand position head - cold/hot tingling. Saw red going to green as it moved to the middle. Like the iris of an eye. Strange itchy feeling on hairline
hands on upper chest - saw white and gold images - beautiful images. felt rubber banfs round chets had been snapped. Took several deep breaths 'becasue he could' Said my hands felt very warm.
hands upper and lower chest - again warm hands and more bands snapped
Head from back got itchy feeling back
Hands on back - thinking of color green when doing report back after session. Felt more bands snapping
Hands on ankle and thigh - foot went numb on both legs (treated legs seperately)
Cried during treatment
Final postiion was head and lower back. I saw black and felt another session would be needed. Patient (at same time )said he would like another session. Felt a force pishing him down (but prob psychosmoatic)
The interesting things are the white a gold he saw - and the blackness I saw. Also the numbness in his feet.
I felt tingling in my hands - quite marked at times - again extending to the back of my hands and the wrists.
I was amazed that just as I found myself thinking he would need another treatment he himself said he would like another treatment.
I am learning to trustt my instincts.
I didnt attempt any preparation. I decided to trust my instincts. I started with him face up and while he was face up I actually said I didn't think I would need to do anything below the waist. But when he turned onto his back, I felt I needed to treat his legs.
I was getting feedback all the way through from him, but the following was typed almost from dictation after the session as I wanted to record everything.
Patient experienced
Hand position head - cold/hot tingling. Saw red going to green as it moved to the middle. Like the iris of an eye. Strange itchy feeling on hairline
hands on upper chest - saw white and gold images - beautiful images. felt rubber banfs round chets had been snapped. Took several deep breaths 'becasue he could' Said my hands felt very warm.
hands upper and lower chest - again warm hands and more bands snapped
Head from back got itchy feeling back
Hands on back - thinking of color green when doing report back after session. Felt more bands snapping
Hands on ankle and thigh - foot went numb on both legs (treated legs seperately)
Cried during treatment
Final postiion was head and lower back. I saw black and felt another session would be needed. Patient (at same time )said he would like another session. Felt a force pishing him down (but prob psychosmoatic)
The interesting things are the white a gold he saw - and the blackness I saw. Also the numbness in his feet.
I felt tingling in my hands - quite marked at times - again extending to the back of my hands and the wrists.
I was amazed that just as I found myself thinking he would need another treatment he himself said he would like another treatment.
I am learning to trustt my instincts.
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
First reiki treatment!!
I have just done my first reiki treatment. My patient has never had reiki and knew little about it. But he was prepared to give it a go. I knew his medical history fairly well but still managed to act on instinct and let myself be guided.
My patient (who is on the sceptical side) reported he felt light headed almost like vertigo when I was working on two areas. His head and his arms. These were also the areas where I felt the strongest sensations. The tingling I always get extended to the back of my hands and my wrists.
Even more interestingly I had no intention of doing anything in his arms. It was just when he was lying down I felt I should treat his arms.
So first treatment has gone well and he is agreeable to another treatment. So far so good.
My patient (who is on the sceptical side) reported he felt light headed almost like vertigo when I was working on two areas. His head and his arms. These were also the areas where I felt the strongest sensations. The tingling I always get extended to the back of my hands and my wrists.
Even more interestingly I had no intention of doing anything in his arms. It was just when he was lying down I felt I should treat his arms.
So first treatment has gone well and he is agreeable to another treatment. So far so good.
Sunday, 20 September 2009
Visions
Something rather amazing happened this morning when I was lying with my eyes closed. I concede it could have been a dream but I am 99% certain I was awake. I am trying to remember if the radio was on and can't .
I have become used to the varying colours and shapes I 'see' sometimes when my eyes are shut. the violet during my attunsment and the red when I was treating Laura were real and not imagined. A lot of the time when I close my eyes I see nothing. But this morning what I saw was bery different to anything I have seen before.
It stated when I saw bright fluorescent yellow which got my attention. then I could see the eye symbol - that I am now convinced represent my third eye. Then in the 'pupil' I could see sillhouttes of things - a spiders web and then people. The thought that came into my mind was 'jungle' A few minutes later I heard an item on the radio about action being taken to close down a refugee camp nearl; Calais which has been called 'the jungle'
If I could remember exactly when I switched the radio on I would be going 'wow' but as it is I could have been asleep and the jungle thought and visions could have been triggered by me hearing the item mentioned before.
But if it was a dream it was of a very different quality to my normal dream which I never that clear or memorable. And as I sit here now I can clearly recall what I saw - whihc is unusual with dreams. I can sometimes remember themes - but not details.
Whatever the source of this 'vision' it does convince me the eye symbol IS important for me and that I have found my trigger to get a good connection to spirit.
I have become used to the varying colours and shapes I 'see' sometimes when my eyes are shut. the violet during my attunsment and the red when I was treating Laura were real and not imagined. A lot of the time when I close my eyes I see nothing. But this morning what I saw was bery different to anything I have seen before.
It stated when I saw bright fluorescent yellow which got my attention. then I could see the eye symbol - that I am now convinced represent my third eye. Then in the 'pupil' I could see sillhouttes of things - a spiders web and then people. The thought that came into my mind was 'jungle' A few minutes later I heard an item on the radio about action being taken to close down a refugee camp nearl; Calais which has been called 'the jungle'
If I could remember exactly when I switched the radio on I would be going 'wow' but as it is I could have been asleep and the jungle thought and visions could have been triggered by me hearing the item mentioned before.
But if it was a dream it was of a very different quality to my normal dream which I never that clear or memorable. And as I sit here now I can clearly recall what I saw - whihc is unusual with dreams. I can sometimes remember themes - but not details.
Whatever the source of this 'vision' it does convince me the eye symbol IS important for me and that I have found my trigger to get a good connection to spirit.
Doh or wow?
Today was frustrating . I decided I would try to dowse an image representative of the friend I am going to treat on Wednesday and find out where I needed to treat him. I wasn't convinced I was getting real results from the crystal, So I recorded what it told me - but decided I needed to try again.
I felt the problem was I hadn;t really opened up. So I decided I needed to meditate on that to se if I coulf find a way to open up properly. None of the ways other psychics used really suited me, I remembered the Tony Stockwell CD I bought and decided I would use one of his tracks as a guided meditation. So I listened to the meditation designed to help you pick (or receive) a symbol to help you enter the altered state (Mr Stockwells words)
I managed to focus and meditate and tried to let my mind sort out a symbol. My first thought was a cross - I use the symbol during my gronding meditation. But it felt wrong . And suddenly I remembered the symbol that has occurred time and again during my meditations - the blinking eye. I realised this is clearly a symbol of my third eye - which is what I need to open to be open to spirit. It was a bit of a wow moment - but also a Doh moment as I thought how could I have been so thick to not realise I could use it as a symbol.
I tried the dowsing crystal afterwards and got very good repsonses. All I was doing was trying to see if I had got a good connection - and I had, I can try the dowsing again another day now I have a better way to open up to spirit
I felt the problem was I hadn;t really opened up. So I decided I needed to meditate on that to se if I coulf find a way to open up properly. None of the ways other psychics used really suited me, I remembered the Tony Stockwell CD I bought and decided I would use one of his tracks as a guided meditation. So I listened to the meditation designed to help you pick (or receive) a symbol to help you enter the altered state (Mr Stockwells words)
I managed to focus and meditate and tried to let my mind sort out a symbol. My first thought was a cross - I use the symbol during my gronding meditation. But it felt wrong . And suddenly I remembered the symbol that has occurred time and again during my meditations - the blinking eye. I realised this is clearly a symbol of my third eye - which is what I need to open to be open to spirit. It was a bit of a wow moment - but also a Doh moment as I thought how could I have been so thick to not realise I could use it as a symbol.
I tried the dowsing crystal afterwards and got very good repsonses. All I was doing was trying to see if I had got a good connection - and I had, I can try the dowsing again another day now I have a better way to open up to spirit
Saturday, 19 September 2009
21st self hea;ing
I have just done my 21st self healing session - and have now finished the first part of my training. I have been looking back at my other blog to see if I what I recorded about my health at the start of my 21 days is very different to what I feel now.
I was recording a niggling back and niggling IBS. Both symptoms have vanished . And the back has vanished despite me doing more jogging as part of my workout than I was at the start. My throat is still a problem - but it is better. I have deveopled newish problems tho. The mouth ulcers (which started healing almost the moment I became aware of them) and I have noticed a return of my slight incontinence problems and the cystitis type feelings when I wear tight clothing. The two are almots certainly linked.
The thing is when I started the 21 days life was in a routine. Then 5 days in Edna had her fall and my stress levels rocketed into the stratosphere. I always show some physical symptoms whenever Edna has a crisis. So the fact that I am still functioning and still at work is quite an acheivement.
So I can't say my 21 days has produced a dramatic improvement in my health. I wonder how trainee's in perfect health feel after the 21 days?
Tomorrow I will start planning Robert's session.
I was recording a niggling back and niggling IBS. Both symptoms have vanished . And the back has vanished despite me doing more jogging as part of my workout than I was at the start. My throat is still a problem - but it is better. I have deveopled newish problems tho. The mouth ulcers (which started healing almost the moment I became aware of them) and I have noticed a return of my slight incontinence problems and the cystitis type feelings when I wear tight clothing. The two are almots certainly linked.
The thing is when I started the 21 days life was in a routine. Then 5 days in Edna had her fall and my stress levels rocketed into the stratosphere. I always show some physical symptoms whenever Edna has a crisis. So the fact that I am still functioning and still at work is quite an acheivement.
So I can't say my 21 days has produced a dramatic improvement in my health. I wonder how trainee's in perfect health feel after the 21 days?
Tomorrow I will start planning Robert's session.
20th self healing
I did my self healing last night - I just didn't make the entry immediately afterward the way I have tried to do normally.
I was tired when I did the meditation and self healing. I found it difficult to focus and my mind kept wandering. But I did finally get there. I can't feel reiki flow (yet) but it I did finally feel the way I have done in my other self healing sessions - and I even saw the blinking eye a couple of times. No colours though.
It was a shorter session than usual because I was tired.
Tonight is the last day of my 21 days - and I am looking forward to it. I always look forward to the opportunity to use candles and incense!
I am also looking forward to planning my first treatment on another person - which will have to be in the sitting posiiton but hey you can't always have the ideal situation.
I was tired when I did the meditation and self healing. I found it difficult to focus and my mind kept wandering. But I did finally get there. I can't feel reiki flow (yet) but it I did finally feel the way I have done in my other self healing sessions - and I even saw the blinking eye a couple of times. No colours though.
It was a shorter session than usual because I was tired.
Tonight is the last day of my 21 days - and I am looking forward to it. I always look forward to the opportunity to use candles and incense!
I am also looking forward to planning my first treatment on another person - which will have to be in the sitting posiiton but hey you can't always have the ideal situation.
Thursday, 17 September 2009
Bad timing
When I went for my first attunement I had no idea how chaotic life was going to get. If I had known I might have cancelled the training 'until a better time'.That would have been a shame and a mistake. At times, like tonight, I have just wanted to fall straight into bed and not bother with the self healing. But I can honestly say I have not missed one day . And I know the meditation and the reiki have strengthened me.
Tonight I concentrated on my mouth and throat again - but I was feeling very down and I also targeted my head/brain in the hope that reiki could help me lift my mood . I suspect it needs a greater understandig of reiki and what it is to deal with non physical issues - but I gave it a go anyway. If nothing else I felt more relaxed after my self healing than I was before.
Tonight I concentrated on my mouth and throat again - but I was feeling very down and I also targeted my head/brain in the hope that reiki could help me lift my mood . I suspect it needs a greater understandig of reiki and what it is to deal with non physical issues - but I gave it a go anyway. If nothing else I felt more relaxed after my self healing than I was before.
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
Back to self healing
A very positive self healing session tonight. Last night I used reiki on the mouth ulcers that broke out due to the stress of Edna's state. This morning I realised they had NOT developed in the way they normally would and were less painful. So I used reiki on them again tonight (literally placed my hands on my cheeks) and I am hoping to feel an improvement tomorrow.
I felt lots today. Tingling in my hands and feet and some muscle twitchng in my legs. I almost felt I could feel reiki flowing from my hands - but if I did it was pretty nebulous and I would take some convincing it wasn't just my imagination/ wishful thinking.
But I feel the self healing went well. Neither my back nor my IBS have been troublesome for more than a week now - and they were the problems I concentrated on in my first few sessions.
I will be treating my first real patient next Wednesday . I need to plan how to approach treatments in a consistent way . I am looking forward to it - but I am also nervous
I felt lots today. Tingling in my hands and feet and some muscle twitchng in my legs. I almost felt I could feel reiki flowing from my hands - but if I did it was pretty nebulous and I would take some convincing it wasn't just my imagination/ wishful thinking.
But I feel the self healing went well. Neither my back nor my IBS have been troublesome for more than a week now - and they were the problems I concentrated on in my first few sessions.
I will be treating my first real patient next Wednesday . I need to plan how to approach treatments in a consistent way . I am looking forward to it - but I am also nervous
A guardian angel?
Today has amzingly worked out very well for me - and it feels as if something or someone was guidine various decisions I made over the last few days.
Today began with a lot of worry becasue of Edna's state yesterday evening. I didnt know what to do about work and felt I was reallys truggling to juggle all my responsibilites.
I decide I would work this morning - but offerred to work over the lunch hourt and leave at 2 if it would help. It tunred out to be JUST waht was needed so work were happy and I ended up witha free afternoon - but onyl losing 90 minutes pay instead of the 2 and half hours I would normally lose with a half day.
Because I went to see Edna this afternoon I managed to be with her when she was transferred to the rehab hospital.
And I have been contacted a firm who can hep with the finance as a pharmacy locum - and it turns out if I earn moneu from no pharmacy sources e.g. as a reiki therapist it removes ANY query about my status as a limited company and my IR35 status
Did I have some sixth sense about what would happen to make so many good calls in one day?
Today began with a lot of worry becasue of Edna's state yesterday evening. I didnt know what to do about work and felt I was reallys truggling to juggle all my responsibilites.
I decide I would work this morning - but offerred to work over the lunch hourt and leave at 2 if it would help. It tunred out to be JUST waht was needed so work were happy and I ended up witha free afternoon - but onyl losing 90 minutes pay instead of the 2 and half hours I would normally lose with a half day.
Because I went to see Edna this afternoon I managed to be with her when she was transferred to the rehab hospital.
And I have been contacted a firm who can hep with the finance as a pharmacy locum - and it turns out if I earn moneu from no pharmacy sources e.g. as a reiki therapist it removes ANY query about my status as a limited company and my IR35 status
Did I have some sixth sense about what would happen to make so many good calls in one day?
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
A difficult self healing session
The visit to Edna today was very stressful and I was much later home than I planned. So by the time I came to bed I was very tired, feeling the effects of a medicinal glass of wine to calm myself down and in some discomfort from the two mouth ulcers that developed as I drove home. anyne who says stress does not have physical effects is a total idiot.
So I freally needed the self healing - but getting in the right frame of mind was not easy. I did my best. I decided my best bet was to make my intention clear and trust to spirit and reiki to do what was needed.
15 minutes later I feel some satisfaction that I gave it a good shot, and pleased I didnt let the discipline slip.
I felt /saw/heard/sensed nothigng whatsoever - but am not concerned. I am trying honestly - and that is all I can do
So I freally needed the self healing - but getting in the right frame of mind was not easy. I did my best. I decided my best bet was to make my intention clear and trust to spirit and reiki to do what was needed.
15 minutes later I feel some satisfaction that I gave it a good shot, and pleased I didnt let the discipline slip.
I felt /saw/heard/sensed nothigng whatsoever - but am not concerned. I am trying honestly - and that is all I can do
Monday, 14 September 2009
Lights and letters
This didn't happen during a meditation but I think it worth recording. I was in bed trying to get to sleep. I suddenly saw the little mosaic lights I have mentioned before. This time they clearly formed the letter S then vanished. A very short time later I saw them again and they seemed to be trying to form definite letter shapes again - maybe an O - but it was not as clear.
Day 16 of self healing
16 days down - and 5 days to go to complete the 21 days. I was quite tired tonight when I did my meditation - but it still went fairly smoothly.
I have been concentrating on my throat area to try and deal with my annoying cough - I think it IS better - but admit I am influenced y Sue's comments on Saturday. But I am much less aware of the problem than I used to be - so I do beleive there os a genuine improvement.
I tried arcing reiki between my hands tonight. I had one hand near my throat and the other at the base of my abdomen. I tried to feel the reiki flow between my hands but couldn't. I did have strange sensations IN my hands tho - and again at one point got muscle twitch.
Apart from that nothing spectacular to note tonight.
I have been concentrating on my throat area to try and deal with my annoying cough - I think it IS better - but admit I am influenced y Sue's comments on Saturday. But I am much less aware of the problem than I used to be - so I do beleive there os a genuine improvement.
I tried arcing reiki between my hands tonight. I had one hand near my throat and the other at the base of my abdomen. I tried to feel the reiki flow between my hands but couldn't. I did have strange sensations IN my hands tho - and again at one point got muscle twitch.
Apart from that nothing spectacular to note tonight.
Sunday, 13 September 2009
The next steps on my journey
It was back to normal today after yesterday. This morning I meditated, grounded, protected . Tonight I meditated grounded, protected opened up, and did my self healing. I alos recited the 5 pricniples of reiki in my mind during both meditations sessions.
After yesterday and all the messages I got, I don't feel despondent that nothign spectacular happened. I did self healing and as I made my intent clear to spirit, I am sure I channeled reiki even though I couldn't feel anything - apart from the regualr tingling in my hands.
One odd thing was that initally I onlt felt the tingling in my left hand when I started the meditation.
I am tired - and have had a couple of glasses of wine. I suspect that could reduce my ability to sense anything.
After yesterday and all the messages I got, I don't feel despondent that nothign spectacular happened. I did self healing and as I made my intent clear to spirit, I am sure I channeled reiki even though I couldn't feel anything - apart from the regualr tingling in my hands.
One odd thing was that initally I onlt felt the tingling in my left hand when I started the meditation.
I am tired - and have had a couple of glasses of wine. I suspect that could reduce my ability to sense anything.
Reflection
Its Sunday and I am having a lazy morning inclduig breakfast in bed. I have been thinking about things practical mundane and psychic. Reflection is a good thing to do from time to time - and certainly yesterday gave me a lot to think about. I dread to think what Sue will make of the entry I made on returning home yesterday. I am tempted to delete it - but if this journal is going to be honest I must leave in the entries I later have doubts about. Just as I must rceord the things that go wrong.
I am now ina much calmer more rfelctive frame of mind - and also a more practical frame of mind and hopefully I can put down in a more coherent way what I learned yesterday and decide how I am going to put those lessons to good use.
I learned that I am expecting too much too soon, that being 'psychic' whatever that means doesn't mean you always get things right.( I accept that I was probably influencing the pendant with my experiment the other day. )
I have also realised practice is the key. I need to practise meditation and self healing, and healing others. I need to learn to open myself up propeprly so I can access whatever information is out there. I need a routine for openig up and a symbol I am happy with. This will happen with practice.
This such basic McKenna stuff I can't believe I didn't truly understand it until now. And talking about McKenna I ought to record here that when I was doing self healing the McKenna way I always did out my hands on the bit of me I was having a problem with.
I hope I get the chance to practise healing on someone else soon - but I am not going to worry about it. When I am ready I will get the chance to use my new skills. In the meantime I need to re-read the manual.
I just spotted this from sparkpeople
Setting a plan in motion
Short of winning the lottery, the idea of coming into wealth or power overnight is nearly impossible. Not that it is impossible to be successful, but it involves a lot of hard work, time, overcoming of obstacles, and dedication to achieve. You can't expect success to just fall into your lap. Often, you have to pour time and tears into reaching it. Set your goals, formulate a plan for getting from point A to point B (and C, D, E and F), and go for it! Let your perseverance and drive be the foundation for achievement.
The cosmos is certainly trying to make sure I have got this particular message isn't it.!! But when you get the same message from so many different sources - it is confirmation you are doing the right thing otherwise why bother to make sure the got the information you needed.
And I have my first volunteer patient. :-)
I am now ina much calmer more rfelctive frame of mind - and also a more practical frame of mind and hopefully I can put down in a more coherent way what I learned yesterday and decide how I am going to put those lessons to good use.
I learned that I am expecting too much too soon, that being 'psychic' whatever that means doesn't mean you always get things right.( I accept that I was probably influencing the pendant with my experiment the other day. )
I have also realised practice is the key. I need to practise meditation and self healing, and healing others. I need to learn to open myself up propeprly so I can access whatever information is out there. I need a routine for openig up and a symbol I am happy with. This will happen with practice.
This such basic McKenna stuff I can't believe I didn't truly understand it until now. And talking about McKenna I ought to record here that when I was doing self healing the McKenna way I always did out my hands on the bit of me I was having a problem with.
I hope I get the chance to practise healing on someone else soon - but I am not going to worry about it. When I am ready I will get the chance to use my new skills. In the meantime I need to re-read the manual.
I just spotted this from sparkpeople
 |
Setting a plan in motion
Short of winning the lottery, the idea of coming into wealth or power overnight is nearly impossible. Not that it is impossible to be successful, but it involves a lot of hard work, time, overcoming of obstacles, and dedication to achieve. You can't expect success to just fall into your lap. Often, you have to pour time and tears into reaching it. Set your goals, formulate a plan for getting from point A to point B (and C, D, E and F), and go for it! Let your perseverance and drive be the foundation for achievement.
The cosmos is certainly trying to make sure I have got this particular message isn't it.!! But when you get the same message from so many different sources - it is confirmation you are doing the right thing otherwise why bother to make sure the got the information you needed.
And I have my first volunteer patient. :-)
Saturday, 12 September 2009
Meditation for meditations sake
After my rather euphoric post earlier I need to set down some more coherent thoughts about what happened today. The main thing was of course actually using reiki on someone else. The maon thing I noticed about that was that I could feel something in my hands. The wierdest feeling was when I was doing th back of Laura's head when my hands suddenly started to feel numb. I always place more credence on an experience if I wasn't expecting it. I was NOT expecting that. The other thig I wasn't expecting was to see red when I closed my eyes during the healing when I was working on Laura's feet. The fact tat that is the colour of the base chakra - the closest chakra to me - is certainly thought provoking.
I haven't done delf healing tonight - but I have meditated just to see what I would see. I ended up in a room filled with light. There were pictures on the walls - all f them just silhouettes. I couldn;t make out what they were. Doug (Edna's hsband) was there as was a herat shaped brooch. It was gold bent into the shape of a heart with ruby's set into the gold. It is not a piece of jewellery I recognise. I dont think I have ever seen it anywhere.
I ended the meditation when I suddenly felt a huge twitch and started to see the mosaic tile effect. It felt like cause and effect. Something caused the twitch - and that started me seeing the mosaic pattern. It was slughtly disquieting.
I haven't done delf healing tonight - but I have meditated just to see what I would see. I ended up in a room filled with light. There were pictures on the walls - all f them just silhouettes. I couldn;t make out what they were. Doug (Edna's hsband) was there as was a herat shaped brooch. It was gold bent into the shape of a heart with ruby's set into the gold. It is not a piece of jewellery I recognise. I dont think I have ever seen it anywhere.
I ended the meditation when I suddenly felt a huge twitch and started to see the mosaic tile effect. It felt like cause and effect. Something caused the twitch - and that started me seeing the mosaic pattern. It was slughtly disquieting.
What a difference a day made
Just back from my second training day - and after my agonies of doubt this morning I am back full of energy and enthusiasm. I actually did my first healing on Laura - and I really felt stuff. Laur saw things like a beetle, an elephants eye ad other stuff. When Sue looked up what the animals stood for it was full of thigns like persistence, removing obstacles which were SO relevant to the very long discussion we had at the start of the day after Sue read that blog entry.
I am totally motivated to carry on with my slelf healing and an amxious for my first chance to treat someone on my own
I am totally motivated to carry on with my slelf healing and an amxious for my first chance to treat someone on my own
Self belief
I have realised my self image has taken a hammering over the past week or so; events have conspired to dent my belief in myself. That raises the intersting question am I doing reiki and all this psychic stuff because I am trying to bolster my self belief?
Even more interesting is the question is my lack of belief in myself hindering progress with reiki? Do I need to believe in myself as well as in reiki before it will work? Is my scepticism about the existence of spirits who can guide us going to prevent me making progress?
I am absolutely sure about a few things. My 'ghost' in York was real not imagination or fraud. The movement of the dowsing crystal in Stourbridge was also not imagination or fraud. And I am positive Carolyn was not using cold reading techniques or making lucky guesses when she told me all about Penny. Those are the three signpsots that have led me on this journey
I know a number of people who claim to sense things and I know they are all sincere in their beleif and are genuinely nice people - and since Tony is one of them and I lvie with him I know him better than almost anyone else. He has no reason to put on an act for me. And I dont suspect Carolyn Beth or Sue of trying in any way to defraud me by faking things.
But because my self belief has been knocked ,I am doubting the wisdom of my decision to see if I am psychic and to investigate these sorts of things. Steve thinks people are 'trading on my good nature' - a polite way of saying he is worried I am being gullible.
Unfortunately that is my fear . I have always had a problem with my faith on my decsions. I have always expected my decsions will turn out badly because I AM guillible. The onyl way to counter that is to have maximum scepticism. But that could work against me in this situation.
I am sure this internal debate is going on now for a reason. I AM sure I will get some answers today - and I am thoroughly looking forward to it
Even more interesting is the question is my lack of belief in myself hindering progress with reiki? Do I need to believe in myself as well as in reiki before it will work? Is my scepticism about the existence of spirits who can guide us going to prevent me making progress?
I am absolutely sure about a few things. My 'ghost' in York was real not imagination or fraud. The movement of the dowsing crystal in Stourbridge was also not imagination or fraud. And I am positive Carolyn was not using cold reading techniques or making lucky guesses when she told me all about Penny. Those are the three signpsots that have led me on this journey
I know a number of people who claim to sense things and I know they are all sincere in their beleif and are genuinely nice people - and since Tony is one of them and I lvie with him I know him better than almost anyone else. He has no reason to put on an act for me. And I dont suspect Carolyn Beth or Sue of trying in any way to defraud me by faking things.
But because my self belief has been knocked ,I am doubting the wisdom of my decision to see if I am psychic and to investigate these sorts of things. Steve thinks people are 'trading on my good nature' - a polite way of saying he is worried I am being gullible.
Unfortunately that is my fear . I have always had a problem with my faith on my decsions. I have always expected my decsions will turn out badly because I AM guillible. The onyl way to counter that is to have maximum scepticism. But that could work against me in this situation.
I am sure this internal debate is going on now for a reason. I AM sure I will get some answers today - and I am thoroughly looking forward to it
Friday, 11 September 2009
The dowsing pendant
Although I have been meticolous about doing the meditation and self healing in the evenings, ny norning meditatin has been a bit skimped. In fact yesterday I forgot to do it. I decided to use the dowsing pendant to see if I could get some guidance about Edna's future. So I did a proper meditation with incentive and a candle this morning. I grounded, pryaed then asked for spirit to guide me.
I asked the crytsal to show me yes and no and after a hesitatnt start it di. I then asked it to stop the pendant - and it did.
I then asked if Edna was going to die in the next two weeks - and got a strong posistive response. I am now reflecting on what I think about what has happened and why I wanted to use the pendant in the first place.
I needed some kind of external re-assurance that I am right in what I tell the staff about Edna and her treatment. My clincial knowledge , my intuition and now the pendant all tell me the same thing. It gives me confidence that I am doing the right thing by NOT trying to bully her to eat and drink.
It has also restored my faith in things psychic. The positive response wasn't as extreme as when I found the brooch in Sourbridge - but pretty close. It has also restored my faith in MY ability to top into spirit/sixth sense/paranormal powers - which yesterdays self healing entry showed I needed.
I asked the crytsal to show me yes and no and after a hesitatnt start it di. I then asked it to stop the pendant - and it did.
I then asked if Edna was going to die in the next two weeks - and got a strong posistive response. I am now reflecting on what I think about what has happened and why I wanted to use the pendant in the first place.
I needed some kind of external re-assurance that I am right in what I tell the staff about Edna and her treatment. My clincial knowledge , my intuition and now the pendant all tell me the same thing. It gives me confidence that I am doing the right thing by NOT trying to bully her to eat and drink.
It has also restored my faith in things psychic. The positive response wasn't as extreme as when I found the brooch in Sourbridge - but pretty close. It has also restored my faith in MY ability to top into spirit/sixth sense/paranormal powers - which yesterdays self healing entry showed I needed.
Thursday, 10 September 2009
reporting on nothing
Thats what todays entry feels like. Because nothing seemed to happen during the self healing . I saw felt and experienced nothing. It feels as if I am doing it wrong - but I suspect the real problem is I am trying too hard and expecting too much.
I feel because I can't see chakra's and aura's - or sense spirit in any way - that the training will just be a waste of time. How can a reiki guide I can't sense in any way be able to help me?
But I have commented so many times over the past few months that I need to have faith - and I knwo this is one of those times. This feels SO right. There is a purpose in my doing this training - I just have to be patient and it will become clear.
I feel downhearted tonight - a combination of frustration over the apparent lack of progress in reiki and Edna's situation. Hopefully tomorrow will be better
I feel because I can't see chakra's and aura's - or sense spirit in any way - that the training will just be a waste of time. How can a reiki guide I can't sense in any way be able to help me?
But I have commented so many times over the past few months that I need to have faith - and I knwo this is one of those times. This feels SO right. There is a purpose in my doing this training - I just have to be patient and it will become clear.
I feel downhearted tonight - a combination of frustration over the apparent lack of progress in reiki and Edna's situation. Hopefully tomorrow will be better
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
Half way point
I make tonight my 11th day since attunement - so this is the half way point in my 21 self healing discipline.
I started by mentally reciting the 5 principles. I am trying to use them night and morning during my meditations.
I didnt see anything spectacular during the healing -but I definitely felt twitchy again. And it was much stronger than last night.In fact it was almost as strong as the self healing I did on my first attunement day .
I think the fact that I am still fiunctioning normally, able to go to work, and able to focus for any sort of meditation is a triumph for reiki under the circumstances.
I started by mentally reciting the 5 principles. I am trying to use them night and morning during my meditations.
I didnt see anything spectacular during the healing -but I definitely felt twitchy again. And it was much stronger than last night.In fact it was almost as strong as the self healing I did on my first attunement day .
I think the fact that I am still fiunctioning normally, able to go to work, and able to focus for any sort of meditation is a triumph for reiki under the circumstances.
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
meditation on the 5 principles
I ttreid consciously to include the 5 principles in my mediation today. In fact I started my self healing by a mental recitation of the 5 principles before I tried to activate the reiki flow. I did see colours today little speckles like tiny mosaic tiles in blue and green. And later on during the self healing I saw an expanse of blue/green. I alos felt twitchy - the way i was on my first training day when I did my first self healing.
I didnt apply reki to any particular part of me . My main need is for energy and endorphins so I just let it flow where it wished.
I'm worried this journal will be a bit short - but I can't record things that haven't happened. And I have rceorded all my experiences as honestly as possible.
I think keeping this journal and the self healing up over the past few days has been one of the hardest things I have done
I didnt apply reki to any particular part of me . My main need is for energy and endorphins so I just let it flow where it wished.
I'm worried this journal will be a bit short - but I can't record things that haven't happened. And I have rceorded all my experiences as honestly as possible.
I think keeping this journal and the self healing up over the past few days has been one of the hardest things I have done
Monday, 7 September 2009
Self healing and the 5 principles
The self healing session was totally mediocre. I managed to meditate farily well despite Edna's situation. I didnt see anythign special. I didn't feelanything special = but I did have some interesting insights about the 5 principles.
I tried to apply thwm to my situation with Edna.
For today do not worry - that gives me a fairly clear message.
For tiday do not be angry - it would be easy to be angry with lots of people including Edna. But I need to turn the anger into a more positive emotion - and a force for change. Anger can be a good emotion if it is a catalyst for change and imrpovement. So I have contgacted the amu;ance PALS to find out why the ambulance took so long to get to Edna on Thursday. It wont chnage Edna's situation - but may improve things for another patient.
Honour your parents and teacher. I have realised Edna is teaching me a lot. How to lsiten effectively, how to put yourself in someone elses position, how frightening it is to have power over someone else. I knwo these are useful lessons. I am honouring her by trying ti be her advocate and her voice when others need to know what she wants and she can't express it.
Earn your living honestly. I must be honest in all my dealing s with Edna . I also need to get myself back to work as soon as possible.
Be garteful for all living creatures. That is a hard one. But havig worked out what I am gaining from this situation I can feel grateful I am learning these things
I tried to apply thwm to my situation with Edna.
For today do not worry - that gives me a fairly clear message.
For tiday do not be angry - it would be easy to be angry with lots of people including Edna. But I need to turn the anger into a more positive emotion - and a force for change. Anger can be a good emotion if it is a catalyst for change and imrpovement. So I have contgacted the amu;ance PALS to find out why the ambulance took so long to get to Edna on Thursday. It wont chnage Edna's situation - but may improve things for another patient.
Honour your parents and teacher. I have realised Edna is teaching me a lot. How to lsiten effectively, how to put yourself in someone elses position, how frightening it is to have power over someone else. I knwo these are useful lessons. I am honouring her by trying ti be her advocate and her voice when others need to know what she wants and she can't express it.
Earn your living honestly. I must be honest in all my dealing s with Edna . I also need to get myself back to work as soon as possible.
Be garteful for all living creatures. That is a hard one. But havig worked out what I am gaining from this situation I can feel grateful I am learning these things
Self healing experiences
I haven't made a journal entry for a couple of days. I have done my self healing every day . As I do it just before I go to bed, te past couple of nights I have been too tired to do anything apart form fall into bed afterward.
I am convinced the reiki is helping me to cope with the situation I am in at the moment. being blunt I beleive Edna is dying. I feel tat from both my clinical knowledge, and my intuition. I am so tempted to use the dowing crystal to try and find out - but I feel that would be an abuse of whatever power moves the crystal. If I meant to know facts I will be told them. I also feel the crystal hasn't been given to me to use for selfish purposes. And I still have a degree of scepticism that the crytsal really works anyway. And if I didnt get a clear response my faith in myself and the journey I am on would be shattered - and at the moment it is what is keeping me going.
Nothing spectacular happened during either of self healing eseeionsI haven't yet made entries for. I am still mystified by why I 'saw' such brilliant colours during the attunment - but dont see colours now. I guess I am worried I am doing something wrong. But as I said in my last entry - anything worth achieving needs practice. And I am not giving up.
I have found myself thinking about the principles - ad how they can be applied in my situation. I am not worried - I am scared which is different. I am trying not to get angry - but I do sometimes get irritated with the systems at the hospital which make it so hard to get meaningful information. I am doing what I can to honour Edna by being there for her - whether se is aware of me or not. I am not earning a living at the moment - I have told work to take me off the rota for this week. But when I do work I always try to give my very very best. Showing gratitude for every living thing is a tough one. Can I really genuinely I feel gratitude for Edna? Or Alan?. This is where we get onto very dark territory. And this is probably what I need to explore and meditate on.
I am convinced the reiki is helping me to cope with the situation I am in at the moment. being blunt I beleive Edna is dying. I feel tat from both my clinical knowledge, and my intuition. I am so tempted to use the dowing crystal to try and find out - but I feel that would be an abuse of whatever power moves the crystal. If I meant to know facts I will be told them. I also feel the crystal hasn't been given to me to use for selfish purposes. And I still have a degree of scepticism that the crytsal really works anyway. And if I didnt get a clear response my faith in myself and the journey I am on would be shattered - and at the moment it is what is keeping me going.
Nothing spectacular happened during either of self healing eseeionsI haven't yet made entries for. I am still mystified by why I 'saw' such brilliant colours during the attunment - but dont see colours now. I guess I am worried I am doing something wrong. But as I said in my last entry - anything worth achieving needs practice. And I am not giving up.
I have found myself thinking about the principles - ad how they can be applied in my situation. I am not worried - I am scared which is different. I am trying not to get angry - but I do sometimes get irritated with the systems at the hospital which make it so hard to get meaningful information. I am doing what I can to honour Edna by being there for her - whether se is aware of me or not. I am not earning a living at the moment - I have told work to take me off the rota for this week. But when I do work I always try to give my very very best. Showing gratitude for every living thing is a tough one. Can I really genuinely I feel gratitude for Edna? Or Alan?. This is where we get onto very dark territory. And this is probably what I need to explore and meditate on.
Friday, 4 September 2009
21 days of self healing
I have discovered (I think) a more mundane reason for the 21 days self healing that is part of the training. Nothing to do with time spent on the mountain or cycling reki through your chakra's. It is a much more Mckenna'ish tennet of 'practice'
If you practice doing something often enough it becomes easier - and if it is part of your daily routine you eventually reach a tipping point where it is easier to do it than not do it.Inevitably at first you will make mistakes in what you are ding but the main thing is not to give up - keep focused on your goal.
I did my self healing last night (just didnt make the journal entry) The meditation was very difficult with my concerns about Edna and clearing my mind was almost impossible. In fact I couldn't totally clear my mind. But every time 'monkey brain' cut in and I found myself imagining the surgery and its possib;e consequences I took myself back to my 'safe place'
I spent about 1o minutes on the meditation and healing - and a further 5 in prayerful meditation after I had thanked my reiki guide (who I still haven't sensed, felt, or got a clue about a name for)
As I got the tingling in my hands and feet I presume I did something right.
I have been surprised by how calm I am over Edna's accident and current situation. I am 100% positive that the meditation disciplines I am practicing are being a huge help to me.
If you practice doing something often enough it becomes easier - and if it is part of your daily routine you eventually reach a tipping point where it is easier to do it than not do it.Inevitably at first you will make mistakes in what you are ding but the main thing is not to give up - keep focused on your goal.
I did my self healing last night (just didnt make the journal entry) The meditation was very difficult with my concerns about Edna and clearing my mind was almost impossible. In fact I couldn't totally clear my mind. But every time 'monkey brain' cut in and I found myself imagining the surgery and its possib;e consequences I took myself back to my 'safe place'
I spent about 1o minutes on the meditation and healing - and a further 5 in prayerful meditation after I had thanked my reiki guide (who I still haven't sensed, felt, or got a clue about a name for)
As I got the tingling in my hands and feet I presume I did something right.
I have been surprised by how calm I am over Edna's accident and current situation. I am 100% positive that the meditation disciplines I am practicing are being a huge help to me.
Thursday, 3 September 2009
Well I tried
I spent this evening at the hospital with Edna who it turns out has fractured her femur. I cant even begin to think through the ramifications of this yet. I got home just after 11.00pm - having left home at 9.00 am to go to work/ I was knackered.
I didnt go to meditate until midnight - but I did meditate and try self healing. It was not the most succesful meditation I have done, but I did it. I found it very hard to clear my mind - but I tried.
I did get strong tingling in my hands and feet during the meditation. I felt something was going right even though I aws too tired and stressed to really focus. I felt something (someone) was listening to me and helping me.
I didnt go to meditate until midnight - but I did meditate and try self healing. It was not the most succesful meditation I have done, but I did it. I found it very hard to clear my mind - but I tried.
I did get strong tingling in my hands and feet during the meditation. I felt something was going right even though I aws too tired and stressed to really focus. I felt something (someone) was listening to me and helping me.
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
Eureka
Just a very quick entry to record a real eureka moment. Sometimes I am so thick I scare myself.
I have been vaguely disappointed by the continuing niggling pains in my back. I have been placing my hands on my lower stomach concentrating the healing on my IBS and back. But Sue said the reki will go where it is needed.
What did I REALLY need at the moment? More energy to cope with what I need to do. What have been saying for the past two days? How I feel motivated and energised. As Homer Simpson would say Doh!!!!
For the recod my IBS is better and my back is much less troublesome than it was. Certainly I am coping with a more vigorous exercise routine including jogging without upsetting my back.
I have been vaguely disappointed by the continuing niggling pains in my back. I have been placing my hands on my lower stomach concentrating the healing on my IBS and back. But Sue said the reki will go where it is needed.
What did I REALLY need at the moment? More energy to cope with what I need to do. What have been saying for the past two days? How I feel motivated and energised. As Homer Simpson would say Doh!!!!
For the recod my IBS is better and my back is much less troublesome than it was. Certainly I am coping with a more vigorous exercise routine including jogging without upsetting my back.
My self healing ritual
I work best in a structured framework. I need routine for important issues. So I have set times and places for my meditations. In the morning I ground myself, protect myself, and pray. I normally do tat downstairs as I am the only one up.
I do my self healing upstairs in the bedroom before I got to bed. Itake off all my jewelry, light a candle, burn some incense, turn out the light, turn on some suitable music then meditate and self heal for about 10 to 15 minutes. Once I have thanked my guide I go into a short time of prayer.
This is what works for me.
Tonights session went well - apart from one of the cats jumping on my lap part of the way through. Memo to self - must shut the door next time!
I seem to have much more tingling in my hands and feet than I have had before. I was also able to just play music and not listen to my home made guided meditation.
One non reiki thing I want to record is that I attempted again to send Penny to Edna.
I do my self healing upstairs in the bedroom before I got to bed. Itake off all my jewelry, light a candle, burn some incense, turn out the light, turn on some suitable music then meditate and self heal for about 10 to 15 minutes. Once I have thanked my guide I go into a short time of prayer.
This is what works for me.
Tonights session went well - apart from one of the cats jumping on my lap part of the way through. Memo to self - must shut the door next time!
I seem to have much more tingling in my hands and feet than I have had before. I was also able to just play music and not listen to my home made guided meditation.
One non reiki thing I want to record is that I attempted again to send Penny to Edna.
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
Self healing report
I have just done my third independent self healing session. Now I have got into a routine its going much better.
I still haven't got the home made guided meditation track quite right - but the meditation and self healing session went OK.
I saw some red today - not much though. That could have been because I turned the light off and onlt had the candle as light. I can't turn off my rational brain! But I did sort of see some shapes. None as clear as when I saw the outline of a figure on Saturday but I felt something was trying to appear.
I didnt know what to expect when I started the self healing. I suppose I hoped I would see a sudden and obviosu improvment in my back or my IBS. Ib fact both are better - but still niggling at me.What I did NOT expect was to feel as energietc and motivated as I was this morning. I accidentally did nearly 40 minutes on the Wii fit this morning - and felt great. I havent used the wii fit for several days and normally just getting to 20 minutes would have been a triumph. I have also noticed I feel much calmer. I dont feel overwhelmed by Edna's problems - and I was a;so quite calm at work today even though it got fairly busy.
I also slept better last night than I had done for some days.
I am so convinced this is a result of the reiki that I was quite impatient to do tonights session. I have decided to do it before I go to bed - and decided NOT to rush upstairs and do it early in a fit of enthusiasm. Routine works for me.
Heres hoping I feel as good tomorrow as I did today
I still haven't got the home made guided meditation track quite right - but the meditation and self healing session went OK.
I saw some red today - not much though. That could have been because I turned the light off and onlt had the candle as light. I can't turn off my rational brain! But I did sort of see some shapes. None as clear as when I saw the outline of a figure on Saturday but I felt something was trying to appear.
I didnt know what to expect when I started the self healing. I suppose I hoped I would see a sudden and obviosu improvment in my back or my IBS. Ib fact both are better - but still niggling at me.What I did NOT expect was to feel as energietc and motivated as I was this morning. I accidentally did nearly 40 minutes on the Wii fit this morning - and felt great. I havent used the wii fit for several days and normally just getting to 20 minutes would have been a triumph. I have also noticed I feel much calmer. I dont feel overwhelmed by Edna's problems - and I was a;so quite calm at work today even though it got fairly busy.
I also slept better last night than I had done for some days.
I am so convinced this is a result of the reiki that I was quite impatient to do tonights session. I have decided to do it before I go to bed - and decided NOT to rush upstairs and do it early in a fit of enthusiasm. Routine works for me.
Heres hoping I feel as good tomorrow as I did today
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