More reiki

I did a short reiki session on RF yesterday focussing on his back whihc is playing up. I didnt see anything (and RF didn't sense anything - but he didn't first time round) but my hands got very tingly

I did the session upstairs and when I came down Tony asked me what had gone on and if I had sensed anything. I said no - then he said his third eye began tingling while the session was going on - and a name came into his mind. he asked RF if the the name meant anything to him. he said no initally - but then said he had a friend with that name.

Watch this space to see if anything comes of this

RF came round to watch a wrestling ppv.he fell asleep during it. He said he was tired and I am wondering if he was reacting to the reiki

Meditation

I have been having problems with meditation recently. they dont seem to have been productive. And as my other log shows I am in a very dark mood at the moment. I decided this morning to try and meditate about the current situation. Alan and Graham both appeared. I apologised to both of them for my past mistakes. I told Alan I was sorry if I had failed to motivate him to change his life - but that in the end HE was the one who had to decide to change his life - and that I wasn't responsible for his actions.

Graham appearing was a surprise. I apologised if I hurt him and explained that I was too young when we married. I didnt love him - but never imagined NOT being married at that stage of my life. I was living in a faiy tale and didnt have the maturity to make the relationship work.

All tis took place in my glade. then I went to the room in the castle and I couldn't open the door to get in. i didnt feel worthy - bt Jenny opened it and let me in and then hugged me. Elijah was there - and I have realsied he represents my spirit of adventure

I need to be adventurous if I am going to work as a reiki therapist. I think thats why he has appeared now.

Rob has back problems - and has accepted my offer of another reiki treatment.I have to trust that spirit will bring me patients when I am ready for them.

I am in a weird place at the moment. I think it is a combination of things but mainly it is part of the grieving process for Edna. I think i need to sue my meditations to help me work through the issues.

I have also realised I haven't been thinking about the princiapls of reiki. I had almsot forgotten them - and that is not good. I dont think it is coincidence that soon after I was reminded about them by reading the manual that I got an unexpected chance to use reiki.

Reiki is not something you do, it is something you LIVE.

Psychic circle

When Tony meditated he sensed the presence of another spirit guide - but couldn't find out anything about him (or her?) so he asked Sarah if this new gide would reveal himself if he went to the psychic circle and got the answer yes. I am delighted! he is going to come to the circle with me.

After I heard that I decided to meditate and see if I could find out anything about his new guide. As he feels it is a male I wondered if was Elijah. When I got to the room I just sat and relaxed . In fact I prayed in the room. then I got a strange thought - and decided to write a question in the book. The question was . Who is Elijah? Next time I meditate I will see if there is an answer in the book

A bit of a dissappointment with my dowsing pendant today. I sorted out a lot of paper work and found the form for me to pay my registration fees. I then lost it again. I tried to use the pendant to find it - and failed completely. Oh well can't win them all I suppose.

Another tarot reading

I decided to use the tarot cards to see if Chalkies re-apperance is significant for us. I did a 3 card spread

Past was The Sun
Present was the Hierophant
Future was the King of Cups

2 major arcana cards in a 2 card spread.

I have asked for advice on the reading - but my instinct is the answer is an unequivocal 'yes'

2 3 card readings to do with our psychic deveoplment, and 5 major arcana cards. I am almost scared

Probably nothing but......

I went to Lindsey's funeral today. I was sitting close to a friend of mine - Anne - but her companion (who I didn't know) was sitting between us. Before the service started I was sitting with my hands over my face trying not to break down completely and heard someone whisper. 'Are you alright Sally' I looked expecting to be Anne leaning across her companion to talk to me. She wasn't even aware of what I was doing.

Now there was a low buzz of conversation in the church and it is possible I misheard what someone else was saying in the row behind me - but the words were very clear.

I knew the service was going to upset me and I meditated before I went out and asked for al three of my guides to be with me to support me. I imagined them all with their arms round me hugging me.

How stange is this?

I made contact via FB with Chalkie the other day - after a gap of more than 10 years. He came to see us tonight and we had a great chat. It turns out Chalkie is into Wicca. In a really bizarre turn of events it turns out he and his wife used to live at Rose and Dave's old house in Lockton Road.

How odd . I wonder if it means anything? I also wonder if Doug is also going to come back into our orbit again?

Healthy mind in healthy body

I accidently posted my weight loss entry in this blog this morning. Maybe it wasnt such an error. I have realised you need a very healthy mind to explore psychic/ paranormal stuff. I am sure you need a healthy mind to do reiki.

Maybe I made the error because I needed to realise that my workouts are important not just for my physical health but for my mental and spiritual health as well. I do sometimes feel I am trying to juggle too many things. Exercise work meditation psychic development. But they are all part of the same thing

They re all part of the 'whole person' that is Sally. And being whole is important to be able to complete what God wants me to do.

There is something here I need to explore and think about - lets et it right meditate about.

This insight coming so soon after seeing faces is a little frightening. Somehow things are starting to move faster.

Healthy mind in a healthy body

I guess everyone knows the above phrase. For some reason I found myself thinking about it this morning. I found myself wondering did Alans unhealthy mind cause him to neglect his body or did the fact that was was unable to get his body healthy make it impossible for him to deal with the problems in his mind. I decided both are interdependent - and that it is important to work on both. I am quite sure that keeping your body healthy is vital for keeping your mind healthy. So the 30 minutes I devote to my exercise routine is as improtant for my mental health as my physical health.

This mornign I recahed both my time a calorie goals -so I dont need to do anythign tonight. But I will still try to fit in 10 minutes free step. After all what do I have to lose? Weight thats what!

I have made a very healthy start this morning with food as well 2 kiwi fruit on my cereal. Some apple juice on the side and I aslo have a large mug of water. I drank a large mug of coffee during my workout.

Lunch at work went well. One sandwich and a piece of fruit. I didnt eat dinner as slowly as I should. And I did do some biscuit munching late on in the evening - but I was hungry.

I do feel things are improving with food. I do feel I am getting a better understanding of Paul's rules and what they really mean. I just hope I soon start to see a difference in how I look and feel.

Yesterday the wii fit told me my ideal weight was 8 st 7 lbs. All I can say is get real. I got told I looked unhealthy when I weighed a little over 9 stone. If I can get down to 10 st I will be ecstatic!

Meditation

I used Allegra's castle again this morning. Some how that really works for me. The room is still furnished in red and Jonas was still behind the desk. Lindsey was there - and I hugged her and said goodbye. I could open the book - and it was empty but this time I sensed I was ready to write in it - but didnt know what to write uet. Also this time I could see the countryside outside the window and it was rolling green hills.

I feel I have passed some sort milestone. I saw more faces overnight - so the frequency of this happening is increasing. I feel as I am ready now for something new - but at the moment I have no idea what it is . Maybe the fact that I now feel I can write in the book is a sign that I will actually start to be able to really use whatever this is.

Obviously news of Lindsey's death has triggered something in my psyche - thats why she was in the room - but then I know that the psychological vice is a valid tool for 'God' to use to point people in the right direction. God has to work with me as I am . That's why the psychological explanation of the symbols doesnt invalidate the mystical one.

I am still struggling with the gonome tho!

I am not getting my hopes up -all this may be rubbish and in the New Year I may still be stuck in my rut feeling I am getting nowhere. But it feels as if the faces are a sign of something.

seeing things

I 'saw' things again this morning. 2 days in a row is unheard of. This time it was a womans face and then a gnome in a tree. Now this could be an earth reference - or could be influenced by the fact that QI had a question about garden gnomes. But in my defence when my 'dreams' aee influenced by my activities it is normally something I have seen or heard a LOT during the day. And although I used the word dream - I absolutely know I was awake. Oh I also saw writing - but couldn't read it - I think it was just a jumble of letters but it sort of scrolled up before my eyes and it scrolled a bit too fast.

I meditated with that crystal in my hand again last night and it seemed quite effective. I took myself back to the place Allegra used on Saturday. This time my rom was filled with red furnishings and there was a black bound book in there - but the book was locked. Jonas was sitting behind a desk. I tried to look ot of the window but couldnt see what was out there. I then experimented with automatic writing - but all I got was scribbles.

Psychic circle and other things

I went to the circle yesterday and it was very interesting. Jenny Allegra and Laura (my first reiki patient at Sue's) were there Allegra and Jenny were disappointed Tony didnt go with me. Allegra told me she had been told she would have 8 in her circle including 1 man. She is convinced Tony is the man. Well time will tell. I am still not sure yet I am a permananent member of the circle. It is rather more travelling than I really want to do.

There was much interest in my story about why we ended up buying the cat figurine - and my quicl tarot reading for Tony. All were agreed 3 major arcana cards is a BIG event.

We did a meditation guided by Allegra then basically recounted what we saw and discussed the significance. Compared with the others ,what I saw was as normal pretty unspectacular but I did see a lot of colours - mainly red and I realised this was probably significant. Allegra said she thought it is becasue I am basically an earth person. This would also explain my fascination with crystals. And Penny could be my earth guide. According to Allegra there are elemantal guides as well as spirit guides. Allegra does come out with some stuff that I am not sure about - but she clearly beleives it all and this has come from her own experience of her gift. Even though I have a real porblem beleiving in elemental guides - there could still be some message for me that I need to hear so I am not going to ignore it just becasue her world view is different to mine.

I the discussion afterwards I found I could often add something to what one of the others said. If soneone said something and an idea immediately popped into my mind I decided to speak out. And what I said did seem to hit the mark . I think that may define my role in readings. I will give clarification of what others sense.

During the discussion on my meditation Jenny said she saw me sitting on a rock (and mimicked the pose I use when sitting in my chair) and basically said not to worry too much the messages will come. I lay down during the meditation Allegra guided so Jenny hadn't seen me in my usual pose. I held the white crystal during the meditation and I think that is the right thing for me to. If I am an 'earth' person' that could be why Thomas (my down to earth practical guide' offered me the rock.

Allegra told us about a shadow she has started seeing that she thinks is the same shadow figure she saw when she was a teenager. We discussed it and together advised Allegra that she needs to communicate with this spirit, that it has appeared now because now she CAN communicate with it - but didn't have the skills to do so earlier. Jenny also said it is an ancestor of hers and she needs to put something right.

I decided to meditate about Allegra's shadow and see if my guides could give me any insight. the only thing that happened was I got a pian in my right arm - so I will tell Allegra I think he may have been wounded in a battle in his right arm.

Allegra told me I may ave a fourth guide a victorian American gentleman. She got the name Eli - but said she wasn't sure. Jenny was definite he is Elijah. I will wait with interest to see if he appears.

This morning as I lay trying to snatch a little more sleep - and failing I started seeing things on my eyelids again - only this time it was in shades of grey - but this time I really could see faces. I am positive I was awake but have decided it doesn't matter if it was a dream. I am remembering what I see. I didnt see any faces and think it was one of my guides - but it could have been.

I do regard that as a sign that I am making progress.

Reiki treatment for my son

I discovered it is very inhibiting treating someone when you are very inhibited about touching them in certain places. I felt it would be impossible to touch Steve below the waist. But he remined me about his knee - and as soon as I touched it I felt tingling going on to the back of hand. Memo to self - do NOT let silly things put you off doing what you need to do. I found myself looking at his legs several times - but every time decided I didnt need to work on his legs because I didnt want to touch him.

This was an interesting treatment because I didnt feel I was treating anything physical . His main problem at the moment is stress due to his studies. So I started on his head then moved to his shoulders. This was when the defining aspect of his treatment started - muscle twitching. He is a real fidget naturally anyway - he is never still so I guess this didnt surprise me when I thought about it. Also muscle twitiching is one of the things that happens to me when I am self healing.

Most of the time I was treating him I just had the normal tingle in my hands. The only time this got to the point where it went up the back of my hands was when I was treating his chest, and when I was treating his knee. He has asthma and years ago he hurt his knee and was off school for weeks but no cuase was ever found. Both his chest and knee gave me severe tingling. In the end I decided I needed to concentrate on his head and got his to sit up. I saw red - which eventually chnaged to greeny blue. I took this to mean I had done enough at that time. He reported feeling light headed duirng the treatment and afterwards. I feel he needs regular short sessions while he is so stressed. He is quite happy with that idea because I will just treat his head so it will only take 15 minutes or so.

I have just arranged a session for another friend on Thursday.

Practice practice practice

I really didn't attempt to meditate properly while I was on holiday - and I paid and am paying the price in two ways. First I am very down - far more so than I usually am when a holiday. Second my meditations since I got back have been very difficult.

I have forgotten how to open up properly I think. I also wonder if I am too reliant on the candle and incense ritual. I didnt really try to meditate while I was away because I couldn't have candles and incense. I felt I wouldn't be meditating 'properly' whatever that mean.

I did a short reiki self healing last night - which felt useless. This morning I meditated for 15 minutes - and really saw and felt nothing. However I think that is because I am out of practice with relaxing and opening up. Every psychic development manual recommends daily meditation. I am basically out of practice. I am now re-assured that I will start to feel and see more once I am back into the daily routine. And as Tony has just reminded it is unreasonable to expect thungs to happen every time. Things will happen when it is necessary. And he has NO idea what I am blogging about either!

I have some reiki sessions planned. Steve on Tuesday, Rachel on Thursday. I may offer Tony another session.

Just because I have learned to open up to the unseen things around us I realise that doesn't absolve me of the necessity to work and put in effort in so I can receive and use the messages /help I get. It isnt magic that just happens - it is a skill that needs to be practised.

I also need to remember it comes from within me - and that external things are NOT necessary. Its not just practice I need - its faith that I CAN do it.

I now own

a deck of Tarot cards. And Tony owns a crystal pyramid that we spotted in a shop in St Ives. I also have a white crystal that tugged at me because it reminded me of the rock Thomas gave me. Go figure

I looked through the tarot deck to see if any card jumped out at me - and the 9 of pentacles did. When I read the divination meaning in the book that cam with the deck, it seemed very right for me - and very very positive. So I think I did the right thing buying the cards

One of those 'wow' moments

This morning we had our day more or less planned out. A visit to a maritme museum at a nearby town. For some reason I decided to put my dowsing crystal in my bag .(it had been in the bedside drawer in the hotel since we got down here)

Our plans went totally awry when we found the museum was closed for the season. So we ended up at a large market. One of the stalls was a new age shop which we browsed with enthusiasm. We ledt the shop and went for a cup of coffee. While we were drinking Tony said his hand started tingling while he was looking in a case of egyption type things in the shop. I said there must be something in the cabinet he was emant to have. Then I got my pendant out (why did I have it with me??) and asked if there was something in the cabinet - and got a strong positive response. So we went back. In the cabinet I spotted a garish looking pyrtamid - and reminded Tony his symbol from his guide was a pyramid. So he started browsing other pyramids on a different shelf. Then said he felt drawn to a cat. This cat was next to the garish looking pyramid I had spotted. So he picked the cat up - and his hand stopped tingling. he put the cat BACK and it started tingling again. So he know has the cat. Neither of us have any idea WHY or what it means.

Tony looked at a number of dowsing crystals - but didn't feel drawn to any of them. I wonder if he doesn't need one because I have one.

It was a 'wiow' for both us. Tony for the obvious reason - and me because of that fact I had the pendant with me when it was needed - and got such a clear response

Making sense of the symbols

I only did a short meditation this morning but I feel it was quite productive.

I am now quite sure the rock that Thomas gave me is the same rock I visualize in my grounding /protective meditation.The cloak was always a gift from Jenny. I now link the sword of my grounding/protective visualization to Jonas.

Thomas represents my practical side - hence the link to the grounding symbol.

Jenny represents my healing side - and the cloak is protective against negative energies.

Jonas represents my spiritual /religious side. The sword is a christian symbol - think of the crusaders - and I have always lnked it to the cross I wear in memory of Mum. The sword protects against evil . The first time I used it was in the guided meditation at Stourbridge. The image Beth used was the shiny blade reflecting away evil. I have always seen the religious symbolism in that - even though Beth is clearly druidic in belief.

'Know thyself' is the core of all major religions. It is also the core of CYLI7D whihc was the real starting point of this journey. I think I need to know - and more importantly accept myself before I can make progress with my psychic development.

I think I need to be practical to make progress - despite the feeling that my practical/logical side is holding me back. I am who I am. If I am to make progress I will only do so when all three aspects of me are balanced.

I am sure it is no coincidence that I feel dissatisfied when my pharmacy work is too much paperwork and not enough patient facing. My healer side isn't being used.

I do feel I have gained useful insights this morning

A message for me??

Are you afraid to try or are you afraid to fail?

A well-lived life is not for the timid. The world was never meant to be approached with extra caution and fear of making mistakes. Kids know that you have to jump in feet first and be willing to take some lumps on the head if you're going to have any fun. When did we stop trying new things? Why did we stop taking risks? In large part, we're afraid of messing up. We've settled into our comfort zones and don't want to look like a fool to ourselves or others. What's the price we pay for our pursuit of perfection? No growth, no sense of discovery, few real experiences. The sacrifice isn't worth it. Are there points in your life that you wish you could have back because you didn't pursue an idea or a new interest? Those chances are gone forever--but you'll have more in the future to take full advantage of. It's been said that most people don't learn much that's new past their 20s. That's an awful long time to stay stagnant. The only mistake you should be afraid to make is not trying.

Meditation

I decided to go back to basics with meditation and I re-read Soraya's exercises. I meditated yetsreday trying hard to focus on my third eye. I still feel what I visualise/imagine during meditation is still driven by my concious brain too much - but yesterday I did get a flash of a very foreign looking building. Middle eatern with a tower on one end. I am positive I didnt put that in conciously. There are other things I have picked up during my meditations that I dont think I conciously put there - the rock for one. And why I should have knelt to Jonas. So I do think I am picking up genuine stuff. I just need to practise.

Very weird

This morning I had a very strange meditation. I grounded, then thought I'd seeif Thomas was aprund. he duly appeared and I asked him where he was from. i got a picture of the tower of london in my mind so I guess the answer is London. i then asked him about Jonas.....and Jonas appeared. In my visualization I then knelt down in front of him. He immediately lifted me back to my feet again - bt I was so surprised I mentally ran away.

I have NO idea about this at all. Answers on a postcard please to............

The monk

Last nights meditation was interesting but difficult. I had to trry and consciously let my mind free. In the end I got the idea that the monk was in the house I visited with my guides - in the room at the end of the corridor. So I went in and as I opened the door he pulled his hood down and I could see he had light hair. I think his name is Jonas - the name just came to me as I was watching TV last night.

I have the idea he is there to help me open up more so I become more receptive and aware of spirit. Why a monk? Well I have always put my psychic work in my religious frame. Also of course one of my favourite characters from fiction is the psychic monk Jon Darrow. Jon ? Jonas? Hmm. I do know Jonas looks nothing like Jon Darrow.

I have the feeling it could be very interesting for Tony and I to meditate together. Tony is prepared to try it so maybe we will do so this weekend.

I found myself thinking about Allegra's tarot reading last night. She predicted that I am going to get help from a man who is ' a bit smitten' with me, but we will be nothing but good friends, a bit geeky, and she saw him wearing a white coat so she thinks it could be one of my work colleagues.

I found myself last night wondering about Rob All rolepayers are a bit geeky. And he DID work at a hospital. And he is a LOT more chatty to me now than he used to be.I do feel he is more of a friend now than I used to. At one time I felt he actively disliked me. And he has this unexpected interest in the paranormal. I dont think he is 'smiten' with me - but probably like all male roleplayers without a girfriend he wishes he could find someone LIKE me to share their interest. I am probably WAY off the mark - but am recording it anyway.

Water!!

I have been very thirsty today. I am wondering if this is a side effect of my reiki session yesterday.

One intersting development is that Tony saw the monk again in his night time meditation. So he asked the monk if he was there for HIM and got the answer 'No' . So tonight I must see if he appears in MY meditation and/or ask Thomas if he knows anything about this monk. Since I haven't yet worked out how to ask questions in my meditation this could be challenging.

Another reiki treatment

I have just given Tony a reiki treatment. I was quite surprised at the results. Initially he didn't seem to be feeling anything but he did report feeling heat on his body and that my hands felt hot. But he started seeing things. A Monk, his spirit guide Sarah, and then a victorian lady with a book, he got the letter J with her so I am wondering if he was seeing Jenny my reiki guide.

I didn't see or sense anything much unusual although I did get extreme tingling in a couple of places. As I know Tony very well I think I know what it was I picking up. And that means I will get some idea if things have changed.

All in all I feel happy with the treatment . I have aslo been giving our cat TC 5 minute treatments (when he will stay still!)

The pendant

I did some succesful exercises with the pendant tonight - although I have realsied I need to be very clear in what I ask the pendant to do. I am getting the confidence to beleive the pendant WILL give me help if I ask in the right way.

I decided to use the pendant to ask about my chakra's Am I surprised at the answer that my third eye and crown chakra's need attention? Not really whihc means the result could be false because I expected that result. I might try asking about Tony's chakra's and see what answer I get

Pendant practise

I got good results yesterday with the pendant including finding the one red card mixed with 9 black ones. It did it at the first attempt! I tried prediting what time Richard would arrive and it didnt work - but to be honest prediction is a dicey business. I dont think I have the pendant to predict things, I think I have the pendant to discover things.

Last night I used the shuffle function to let the iPod pick my meditation track. It chose temple of dreams so my meditation saw my imagining Thomas taking me to temple of dreams on a cloud in the sky and I imagined all my dreams for my future using my abilities. I didnt get any answers or guidance - but maybe I need to be clear about what I really want to DO with my abilities before I can actually make progress. I need to know where I am going before I can start the journey.

Something to think about.

I asked for Thomas to try and enter my dreams. I have the idea that when I am asleep my logical side is shut down and I will be more receptive to hear my guides. I didnt get a message that I am aware of - but an old friend appeared in my dreams - Chris Hirsch who used to work for me years ago, As she is still a pharmacist and still working, and still living in the area it is not impossible I could run across her. I can't think why I should suddenly dream about her. It probably means nothing but I am recording it here 'just in case'

The psychic circle

I made it to the psychic circle today - and so apparently did Thomas! At least the man Allegra described as being with me sounded like Thomas.

It was a good experience. I had a tarot reading - and GAVE a tarot reading. Allegra did my reading and I did a reading for Sue - which she said was quite accurate.

I even picked up some stuff while Allegra was doing a normal reading for Arron.

My reading from Allegra was interesting - the past and present bit was accurate. the future bit was fascinating. Something good could happen at Xmas and it will take me about 6 months to properly develop. But I feel I got confirmation that I AM on the right path

Slow and steady

I still feel dispirited when nothing amazing happens. My meditations are still a bit .............static I think is the word. But I did have a tsrange woman wander into my gorunding meditation yesterday. I wondered if t was Tony's Sarah. I have asked him to ask her.

This morning I did the 5 card excercise with the pendant and it worked. That cheers me up. I am beggining to beleive I can use the pendant reliably. I have to assume when I am confident with it I willl be told clearly what I am supposed to do with it.

I did some self healing this morning. My main problem is my IBS so I concentrated on that then thought I would try and do something with my head to try and lift my mood. So I put one hand on my head. then I realised I was seeing red and decided that was a sign I needed to concentrate on my base chakra. So I moved back to lower abdomen. I ended up with tingling on the back of my hands - and having to shake stuff away through the window.

So practise is helping me and slow and steady is always the best way. I am confident I will have more 'wow' moments

I rang Allegra last night - and Tony seems amenable to the ide of going along on Saturday.

The cosmos speaks

Believing In Yourself

Limitations can either define us or give us a challenge to outwit. When you look at your abilities, do you see boundaries and limits, or do you see possibilities and potential? Obsessing about weaknesses can blind us to the untapped abilities we already have. You have talent. Everyone does. The secret to success is to find that talent, develop it and push it as far as you can. Grandma Moses might have been a lousy bowler, Einstein probably couldn't sing a lick, Michelangelo could've been unable to speak well in public. So what? They knew what they were good at and rode that pony. Your talent might be right in front of you: where do you get the most compliments? What seems to come easily to you? What do people ask your advice for? Live there. Don't let the rest get in the way.


and I am listening! I WILL practise with my pendant and believe I have it for a reason

Pendulum practice

I tried 2 experiments today.

In the first one I had 5 random cards looked at the bottom one (and ONLY the bottom one) and named it (Ace of spades) as my card. I then laid the 5 cards out in a circle and asked the pendulum to give me a positive repsonse over my card. Basiclly I put it over every card and asked 'is this the ace of spades?'

I got a strong positive response on my third card but carried on and tested the other 2, then went BACK to the third card and asked again. I got another srong positive response.

Imagine my feelings when I turned it over and found I had found the Ace of Spades.

In my second experiment I picked one card and asked is this card black ? then is this card red?

I decided it was black so then narrowed it down to clubs by the same technique

Then I asked was it a court card and got a yes.

Then a randomly asked 'is this 9 diamonds' and got a no.

I a sked if it was the Ace of clubs and gt a yes.

So I turned it over and discovered it was the Ace of hearts. = but I still feel I was succesful to identify the value of the card even though I got the suit and colour wrong.

20 minutes is about as long as you can usefully practice so that was it - but I am impressed - and have my faith in the pendant back.

Tony had a very impressive meditation session last night - and when he told me about it I got both jealous and frsutrated because my meditation visions are NEVER clear - and half the time I think I am am imagining everything. but then I realised imagination can be prompted by your subconcious or the 'universal mind'

Anyway I went off and meditated (in a fit of pique if I am honest) In my imagination I saw Thomas handin me the book on Pendulum magic - as if saying 'you've got it now go and use it'

I tried to let my mind wander after that and strated seeing patterns on my eyelids. For a brief moment I saw a patter that looked amazingly like a mans face. It was almost as if having decided to be sensible and practice with the pendulum, I was being rewarded with a glimpse of Thomas's face.
Fanciful I know - but it COULD be true

Next Saturday Allegra's cricle will be sitting. i am going to ring her up and ask if I can go. I hope Tony will come as well if she doesn't mind 2 strangers turning up .

A book

I b ought a book called 'Pendulum Magic for begginers' I have skimmed through it and it talks about using the pendant in healing and homeopathy - and even gave me a new insight on chakras.

It also talks about practicing with the pendant so I have decided to do the 20 minutes a day it recommends.

I have resisted using it because I was disappointed when it didn't seem to work - and also because I didnt want to use it for trivial things. But practice isn't trivialising it and it means I will have confidence in it when I really need it.

MHL

8 nights of MHL and we are going to be glued to the tv every night!! Early on I got the name George. Although the team didn't come out with that name, apparently a lot of other viewers did because it was one of the names Julian mentioned in his end of show summary.

Interesting - and I am half counting it as a hit.

What is a stone?

OK the stone that Thomas gave me as a gift is still intriguing me. Latest idea to flash into my mind is that of a whetstone to sharpen the sword I visualise during my grounding meditation.

So it could represent a
-an egg (birth of new life)
- the stone I visualise in my grounding meditation keeping my feet on the ground
- a tool to smash down bariers
- a whetstone to sharpen my defenses against evil

Ideas on a post card to ..................

This mornings meditation

I mediated without any music this morning - mainly because I let my iPod downstairs and couldn't be bothered to go down and get it.

I did my grounding meditation and sudden;y had an insight. In my grounding I visualise roots wrapping themselves round a rock. I realised the rock is VERY similar to the one Thomas gave me. I suddenly wondered if that was a sign that Thomas is there to help me keep my feet on the ground. And suddenly he was by the bench with me and nodding. He passed me the sword I visualise, and Jenny was there as well to put my cloak on.

Interesting - and my thumbs were very much affected again just like last night - again interesting

Communication with guides

Having decided I needed some guidance last night when I meditated I faced the problem of HOW to communicate.

I experineced some interesting sensations during the meditation. Both my thumbs had extreme sensations - uch more than the normal tingling I get in my hands. Also I experienced some very vivid pattern images - its the first time I have experienced that during meditation. At least I know I was awake. Other occurrences have been when I was lying trying to doze in the morning.

So something happened in the meditation - but I am not sure what. I hope Thomas and Jenny are patient. I really AM trying.

Anyway I got the ide that maybe I woudl do better when I can really let my mind wander so I decided to listen to the 'Secret Universal Mind' track. I am not sure what I was expecting to happen - apart from the fact that it was as ever very good at getting me off to sleep. But I think my subconcious picked up the messages I needed to hear and made sure I consciously heard them. There were two bits that struck a chord.

I am paraphrasing this very badly but one message is that our physical bodies are vessels for our spirits which are in turn part of the universal spirit. That universal spirit is perfect, so therefore MY SPIRIT AND MY BODY ARE ALSO BE PERFECT. This resonated with a previous insiight that I need to be happy with who I am and how I came to be who I am before I can move on. My body perfect? Its a laugh isnt it. I have heard that message before - but somehow it had more impact last night.

The other message was about getting answers when the time is right. In other words I dont have to worry about the questions I raised yesterday. I will finds the answers when I need to.

Does that also apply to to the 'problem' of me communicating with Thomas and Jenny?

Intuition working overtime?

I MUST mention the ridiculous situation I am in with my agency. They have requested my degree certificate. and I dont have a clue where it is. At the moment I dont have the energy to try and find it - although maybe the sorting out I will do to find it will be useful. I am so angry about it becasue it is a piece of bureaucratic nonsense. The only way to be registered with the RPSGB is to have passed a degree. Why the f**k do the agency need to see my degree certificate? I suppose I can understand why in one way - but it doesn't say a lot for their opinion of the Pharm Socs processes. Last nght my FP status ranted about this and said if they insisted I woull be happy to leave the agency and look for other work streams. The thought hadn't been in my mind before that - and it was a bit of bravado on my part. I am now wondering if there is a grain of truth in it and maybe at the time of HUGE change I am being given a sign that my time with the agency is over. Yesterday I also found myself wondering if my mobile contract was a waste now I no longer have to ring Edna or ring people on her behalf. The thought came to me that I may need it for business purposes. I saw myself ringing local community pharmacies to see if they want a locum. And that was before my FB rant. I need to think and meditate

I posted the above in CL&T - but as I typed I decided it also deserved a place here. I got manouvered into my carer postion with Edna and it led me almost directly down the path to reiki. I could be being manouvered away from the agency.

It seems odd this has happened just as I am setting up the company ,and just as I am free to look at other opportunities. I really DO need to meditate on this. I also feel I need for Tony's input on this so I will ask him to meditate as well and see if Sarah has any thoughts about our future.

Rational vs mystical

There is no doubt I have 2 distinct sides to me. Last night I didnt do a full on meditation but I listened to some nice music and just sta and thought about my 'spirit guides' I came to the conclusion I have 2 guide 'figures' because I have 2 sides to me. The rational practical side that keeps me working as a pharmacist because we need a roof over our heads and the mystical side that wants to throw it all up and work as a therapist in a patient facing role.

I think Thomas is a rational practical person. I connect him with railways (Thomas the tank engine??? and his top hat reminds me of the Fat Controller!!) or some other sort of engineering job. I have already said that I think Jenny was a healer of some sort.

My feeling that I need to be comfortable with who I am before I can move forward seems much more logical now. I think I NEED both sides of me to be successful in the path I am on. My thought that Thomas will only go into rooms on the left of the corridor and Jenny only into rooms on the right fits with that. It also makes me wonder what I might find in a room at the end of the corridor. I am aso wondering what I will find in the room Thomas took me too that I decided represented me as I am.

I was far too roired to meditate properly last night. I am excited about tonights meditation already! And yet again this blog has been a useful tool in my meditation.

A good meditation session

I woke feeling very positive this morning and having motivated myself to do some mundane stuff I decided I felt very motivated to try seriously with some meditation. So I did my normal gronding meditation and prayer session. The I decided to do the shorter of the Tony Stockwell spirit guide meditations.

I have realised that just because I dont find myself lost in picture perfect visions with amazing clarity it does NOT mean my meditation has failed. I am basically a rational person and I have realised that if the image seems right to me it is probably correct. So do I beleive that I have 2 guides named Jenny and Thomas? I am not sure. But what I am sure about is that my psyche can accept those names and images as acceptable symbols. So they are perfectly valid.

I saw the corridor Tony mentions very clearly. The room (which only Thomas went into) was on the left hand side of the corridor and was mediu size pure white with no furnishings. I decided it needed some decoration so I put up pictures of Edna and Alan. Why them?

Well I beleive that room is a symbol of who I am and they have played a huge part in making who I am today. I beleive I have to be fully aware of who I am before i can move forward. Essentially I have to beleive in myself before I can beleive in the new life that is beckoning to me as I explore my spiritual side.

Meditation doesn't HAVE to be mystical. It can be rational. Rational works for me. I trust it more.

Spirit guides

Last night I attempted to meditate just to communicate with my supposed 'spirit guides' I can't say it was a fantastic success. I was controlling it. I wasn't able to just let my mind wander free. I am hoping blogging will unlock a few more ideas.

I have come to the conclusion that Jenny is my reiki guide. The idea that she had worked in some sort of healing capacity in her life popped into my mind.

Thomas remains a mystery- as much of a mystery as the rock that was his gift to me. Jenny's gift of the protective cloak makes perfect sense. If I work as a healer I will need protection from negative energies generated by my clients. But a rock? It is a whiteish grey smooth rock rather egg shaped.

Maybe it is linked to the gull I saw? The gull is meant to represent how I appear in the 'spirit world' So what does the gull mean to me? Freedom I suppose. But any bird could represent that. What makes the gull special. The sound of the gull is one that evokes happy memories of childhood holidays for me. Gulls live at the borders. They are at home on sea and on land. I feel quite at home both in the scientific world of pharmacy and the spiritual world of reiki and the paranormal.

To be honest one idea has been hammering at my brain since I wrote the comment about the rock being egg shaped. The image of the egg is obvious - new life. My new life as I explore and use my psychic abilities. Tony's and my new life as we work together .

But why do I see it as a rock? Maybe because its going to be tough going to open my psychic abilities. But also the rock is tough and can be used to crack things if used in the right way. Maybe I am being given a tool to help me unlock my abilities.

I think I now know why I have been guided to blog so much. Blogging opens up my mind. In a way it is part of the meditation process for me. What a fusion of science and spirituality! The world wide web as a meditation tool. OK I could do it just using a word processor package - but I know I wouldn't do it as regularly. there is something about blogging that really appeals to me.

Next step is to work out how to use the rock I have been given.

Meditation to meet my spirit guide?

I decided to use Tony Stockwell's rack tonight for my meditation. Anthony has used it quite a lot and I thought I would give it a try.

The canoe was bright yellow with red cushions. I couldn't see ay patterns on the cushions.

The flame on the candle in the cave was red. I have no idea what this means that I need - but according to Mr S the colour the flame changes to is the colour I need.

To my surprise when the meditation got to the point where I met my guide, he was a man in a top hat. The name 'Thomas' popped into my mind. He was wearing a top hat and my feeling was that he was victorian. I seem to have a thing about Victorians because Jenny is also victorian. So do I have 2 guides? Or is one of them my reiki guide and the other my normal spirit guide? Or am I subconciously remembering Upstairs Downtairs and pciking Thomas becasue it fits with Anthony's guide who he beleives is called Sarah?

The gift Thomas gave me was a rock. Go figure what THAT means. It was a very smooth large whiteish grey rock - sort of egg shaped. All this is very different to the meditation in Stourbridge. I am confused

All of the above could be just me and my imagination.

The one thing I AM sure about is the bird that appare tly represents me as I am now. I saw a sea gull.

I need a book to look up the meaning s of all these images and see if I can make sense of them.

Do I REALLY believe I have a spirit guide? I am still not sure - but I am not ruling it out as a possibility

Self Healing again

I was feeling totally awful this afternoon. I was tired and stressed because I had lost an important set of keys which I knew were in the house somewhere.

I decided I needed to do a self healing session. So I went upstairs and decided I would go the whole hog light a candle, burn incense and do a reasonable meditation. So I closed the curtains and in so doing I kicked a bag that was in the way - and heard the welcome rattle of my keys in the bottom of the bag (which was full of stuff I had retrieved from Edna's flat)

I had a succesful meditation and self healing. I saw colours as I was channeling reiki. Mainly red and purple. I felt very tingly and had some muscle twitching in my legs. I felt much better once I finished the session

Free to continue my journey?

This is my first entry in this blog since Edna died - and the first since we went on the workshop at Hay Castle.

I think I now know the sigificance on Psalm 23. Edna died the following day. 'Yea tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death'

The workshop was awesome. I realised that I pick up on emotions. Quite early on we were doing a walk round ourside and everyone else (including Tony) was picking up on things - and I wasn't .I felt so frustrated I could have cried. then I thought about it logically and realised I wasn't THAT stupod so announced I was picking up sadness from somewhere.

Then a bit later on we moved into a room in the castle, I was qorried becasue I couldn't see Tony and wasn't sure he was there. I was feeling agitated. It was only later the penny dropped that the sensitives in that rom were reporting that whatever was in there was very agitated.

So am I empathic? I think I may be.

Also from nowhere I got the name James. A bit later on another person picked up the same name. On cjecking the history I foind there WAS a James closely involved with the building.

Part of the workshop was an energy attunement (a bit like a reiki attunement) This morning I woke early and tried to get back to sleep. When I closed my eyes I started seeing thigns similar to my 'jungle' visions. But this time it was kind of like a skull pattern overlaid by a moving orange patern (flames???) This time I KNOW 100% I was awake. I opened my eyes checked the time closed my eyes again and conciosuly tried NOT to see the same thing again - and saw the same thing again.

I think it must be something to do with the energy (EAP??) that we all got.

I got another impromptu reading from Carolyn during a break. Edna (apparently) came through basically to say Thank you and she knew she had been a thorn in my side and could be a bit diffcult. She aso said she got very frustrated (which I knew) and mentioned problems with her watch and dentures not fitting as some of evidence. She aso said she hadn't yet found Alan but knew he was nearby. I can be sceptical and say most of what I heard was what I wanted to hear and that Carolyn picked up on it becasue of what she already knew from me, and guessed from my body language. Based on what I learned on the workshop I have a theory about mediums possibly picking thoughts from the client as energy . In essence the client hears what they want to hear/expect to hear. Mind you that means telepathy is real which is still pretty mind blowing. But I neither wanted nor expected to hear Edna was finding Alan. I was hoping his brother or her husband might get mentioned. So was Carolyn talking to Edna? I dont know. I believe Carolyn believes she was talking to Edna.

Edna's death has released me from a huge commitment. I now have tims (and hopefully more energy) to see where I can go with this psychic exloration. It feels as if having been forced on to the path, I am now committed to it so no longer need to be forced.

The journey goes on. And it is more exiting now because I have a fellow traveller in Tony.

Meant to happen?

Yetsreday I was feeling stressed (see Edna blog for why) and I really needed to talk to someone. So I logged into St Pixels and found people I could talk to and was also just in time for a prayer service. To be honest the tone of the service wasn't to my taste - but I was able to increase the prayer circle round Edna. But the most amzing thing was the psalm was psalm 23. That has had a special meaning for me ever since Denise helped me one day when I was really stressed . She said that psalm had come into her mind earlier that day and she hadn't known why until I asked for her help. So something put the psalm into HER mind so she was ready to help ME. These things DO happen.

I can't yet work out the significance of Psalm 23 being used yesterday - but I feel I was meant to be at St Pixels yesterday. I'm not entirely sure why yet - but I will keep my eyes and mind open.

I did self healing last night. I was so stressed it seemed like a good idea. I do feel calmer this morning - but I have yet to confront Edna's problems face to face today. The calm may well shatter very quickly.

2nd reiki treatment

This really was an amazing experience. the pateint was a freind of mine - who admitted later he felt sceptical about reiki. But he definitely experienced stuff right from the start - and got quite emotional during the treatment.he also got thirsty and yawned a lot towards the end of the treatment.

I didnt attempt any preparation. I decided to trust my instincts. I started with him face up and while he was face up I actually said I didn't think I would need to do anything below the waist. But when he turned onto his back, I felt I needed to treat his legs.

I was getting feedback all the way through from him, but the following was typed almost from dictation after the session as I wanted to record everything.

Patient experienced
Hand position head - cold/hot tingling. Saw red going to green as it moved to the middle. Like the iris of an eye. Strange itchy feeling on hairline

hands on upper chest - saw white and gold images - beautiful images. felt rubber banfs round chets had been snapped. Took several deep breaths 'becasue he could' Said my hands felt very warm.

hands upper and lower chest - again warm hands and more bands snapped


Head from back got itchy feeling back

Hands on back - thinking of color green when doing report back after session. Felt more bands snapping

Hands on ankle and thigh - foot went numb on both legs (treated legs seperately)

Cried during treatment

Final postiion was head and lower back. I saw black and felt another session would be needed. Patient (at same time )said he would like another session. Felt a force pishing him down (but prob psychosmoatic)

The interesting things are the white a gold he saw - and the blackness I saw. Also the numbness in his feet.

I felt tingling in my hands - quite marked at times - again extending to the back of my hands and the wrists.

I was amazed that just as I found myself thinking he would need another treatment he himself said he would like another treatment.

I am learning to trustt my instincts.

First reiki treatment!!

I have just done my first reiki treatment. My patient has never had reiki and knew little about it. But he was prepared to give it a go. I knew his medical history fairly well but still managed to act on instinct and let myself be guided.

My patient (who is on the sceptical side) reported he felt light headed almost like vertigo when I was working on two areas. His head and his arms. These were also the areas where I felt the strongest sensations. The tingling I always get extended to the back of my hands and my wrists.

Even more interestingly I had no intention of doing anything in his arms. It was just when he was lying down I felt I should treat his arms.

So first treatment has gone well and he is agreeable to another treatment. So far so good.

Visions

Something rather amazing happened this morning when I was lying with my eyes closed. I concede it could have been a dream but I am 99% certain I was awake. I am trying to remember if the radio was on and can't .

I have become used to the varying colours and shapes I 'see' sometimes when my eyes are shut. the violet during my attunsment and the red when I was treating Laura were real and not imagined. A lot of the time when I close my eyes I see nothing. But this morning what I saw was bery different to anything I have seen before.

It stated when I saw bright fluorescent yellow which got my attention. then I could see the eye symbol - that I am now convinced represent my third eye. Then in the 'pupil' I could see sillhouttes of things - a spiders web and then people. The thought that came into my mind was 'jungle' A few minutes later I heard an item on the radio about action being taken to close down a refugee camp nearl; Calais which has been called 'the jungle'

If I could remember exactly when I switched the radio on I would be going 'wow' but as it is I could have been asleep and the jungle thought and visions could have been triggered by me hearing the item mentioned before.

But if it was a dream it was of a very different quality to my normal dream which I never that clear or memorable. And as I sit here now I can clearly recall what I saw - whihc is unusual with dreams. I can sometimes remember themes - but not details.

Whatever the source of this 'vision' it does convince me the eye symbol IS important for me and that I have found my trigger to get a good connection to spirit.

Doh or wow?

Today was frustrating . I decided I would try to dowse an image representative of the friend I am going to treat on Wednesday and find out where I needed to treat him. I wasn't convinced I was getting real results from the crystal, So I recorded what it told me - but decided I needed to try again.

I felt the problem was I hadn;t really opened up. So I decided I needed to meditate on that to se if I coulf find a way to open up properly. None of the ways other psychics used really suited me, I remembered the Tony Stockwell CD I bought and decided I would use one of his tracks as a guided meditation. So I listened to the meditation designed to help you pick (or receive) a symbol to help you enter the altered state (Mr Stockwells words)

I managed to focus and meditate and tried to let my mind sort out a symbol. My first thought was a cross - I use the symbol during my gronding meditation. But it felt wrong . And suddenly I remembered the symbol that has occurred time and again during my meditations - the blinking eye. I realised this is clearly a symbol of my third eye - which is what I need to open to be open to spirit. It was a bit of a wow moment - but also a Doh moment as I thought how could I have been so thick to not realise I could use it as a symbol.

I tried the dowsing crystal afterwards and got very good repsonses. All I was doing was trying to see if I had got a good connection - and I had, I can try the dowsing again another day now I have a better way to open up to spirit

21st self hea;ing

I have just done my 21st self healing session - and have now finished the first part of my training. I have been looking back at my other blog to see if I what I recorded about my health at the start of my 21 days is very different to what I feel now.

I was recording a niggling back and niggling IBS. Both symptoms have vanished . And the back has vanished despite me doing more jogging as part of my workout than I was at the start. My throat is still a problem - but it is better. I have deveopled newish problems tho. The mouth ulcers (which started healing almost the moment I became aware of them) and I have noticed a return of my slight incontinence problems and the cystitis type feelings when I wear tight clothing. The two are almots certainly linked.

The thing is when I started the 21 days life was in a routine. Then 5 days in Edna had her fall and my stress levels rocketed into the stratosphere. I always show some physical symptoms whenever Edna has a crisis. So the fact that I am still functioning and still at work is quite an acheivement.

So I can't say my 21 days has produced a dramatic improvement in my health. I wonder how trainee's in perfect health feel after the 21 days?

Tomorrow I will start planning Robert's session.

20th self healing

I did my self healing last night - I just didn't make the entry immediately afterward the way I have tried to do normally.

I was tired when I did the meditation and self healing. I found it difficult to focus and my mind kept wandering. But I did finally get there. I can't feel reiki flow (yet) but it I did finally feel the way I have done in my other self healing sessions - and I even saw the blinking eye a couple of times. No colours though.

It was a shorter session than usual because I was tired.

Tonight is the last day of my 21 days - and I am looking forward to it. I always look forward to the opportunity to use candles and incense!

I am also looking forward to planning my first treatment on another person - which will have to be in the sitting posiiton but hey you can't always have the ideal situation.

Bad timing

When I went for my first attunement I had no idea how chaotic life was going to get. If I had known I might have cancelled the training 'until a better time'.That would have been a shame and a mistake. At times, like tonight, I have just wanted to fall straight into bed and not bother with the self healing. But I can honestly say I have not missed one day . And I know the meditation and the reiki have strengthened me.

Tonight I concentrated on my mouth and throat again - but I was feeling very down and I also targeted my head/brain in the hope that reiki could help me lift my mood . I suspect it needs a greater understandig of reiki and what it is to deal with non physical issues - but I gave it a go anyway. If nothing else I felt more relaxed after my self healing than I was before.

Back to self healing

A very positive self healing session tonight. Last night I used reiki on the mouth ulcers that broke out due to the stress of Edna's state. This morning I realised they had NOT developed in the way they normally would and were less painful. So I used reiki on them again tonight (literally placed my hands on my cheeks) and I am hoping to feel an improvement tomorrow.

I felt lots today. Tingling in my hands and feet and some muscle twitchng in my legs. I almost felt I could feel reiki flowing from my hands - but if I did it was pretty nebulous and I would take some convincing it wasn't just my imagination/ wishful thinking.

But I feel the self healing went well. Neither my back nor my IBS have been troublesome for more than a week now - and they were the problems I concentrated on in my first few sessions.

I will be treating my first real patient next Wednesday . I need to plan how to approach treatments in a consistent way . I am looking forward to it - but I am also nervous

A guardian angel?

Today has amzingly worked out very well for me - and it feels as if something or someone was guidine various decisions I made over the last few days.

Today began with a lot of worry becasue of Edna's state yesterday evening. I didnt know what to do about work and felt I was reallys truggling to juggle all my responsibilites.

I decide I would work this morning - but offerred to work over the lunch hourt and leave at 2 if it would help. It tunred out to be JUST waht was needed so work were happy and I ended up witha free afternoon - but onyl losing 90 minutes pay instead of the 2 and half hours I would normally lose with a half day.

Because I went to see Edna this afternoon I managed to be with her when she was transferred to the rehab hospital.

And I have been contacted a firm who can hep with the finance as a pharmacy locum - and it turns out if I earn moneu from no pharmacy sources e.g. as a reiki therapist it removes ANY query about my status as a limited company and my IR35 status

Did I have some sixth sense about what would happen to make so many good calls in one day?

A difficult self healing session

The visit to Edna today was very stressful and I was much later home than I planned. So by the time I came to bed I was very tired, feeling the effects of a medicinal glass of wine to calm myself down and in some discomfort from the two mouth ulcers that developed as I drove home. anyne who says stress does not have physical effects is a total idiot.

So I freally needed the self healing - but getting in the right frame of mind was not easy. I did my best. I decided my best bet was to make my intention clear and trust to spirit and reiki to do what was needed.

15 minutes later I feel some satisfaction that I gave it a good shot, and pleased I didnt let the discipline slip.

I felt /saw/heard/sensed nothigng whatsoever - but am not concerned. I am trying honestly - and that is all I can do

Lights and letters

This didn't happen during a meditation but I think it worth recording. I was in bed trying to get to sleep. I suddenly saw the little mosaic lights I have mentioned before. This time they clearly formed the letter S then vanished. A very short time later I saw them again and they seemed to be trying to form definite letter shapes again - maybe an O - but it was not as clear.

Day 16 of self healing

16 days down - and 5 days to go to complete the 21 days. I was quite tired tonight when I did my meditation - but it still went fairly smoothly.

I have been concentrating on my throat area to try and deal with my annoying cough - I think it IS better - but admit I am influenced y Sue's comments on Saturday. But I am much less aware of the problem than I used to be - so I do beleive there os a genuine improvement.

I tried arcing reiki between my hands tonight. I had one hand near my throat and the other at the base of my abdomen. I tried to feel the reiki flow between my hands but couldn't. I did have strange sensations IN my hands tho - and again at one point got muscle twitch.

Apart from that nothing spectacular to note tonight.

The next steps on my journey

It was back to normal today after yesterday. This morning I meditated, grounded, protected . Tonight I meditated grounded, protected opened up, and did my self healing. I alos recited the 5 pricniples of reiki in my mind during both meditations sessions.

After yesterday and all the messages I got, I don't feel despondent that nothign spectacular happened. I did self healing and as I made my intent clear to spirit, I am sure I channeled reiki even though I couldn't feel anything - apart from the regualr tingling in my hands.

One odd thing was that initally I onlt felt the tingling in my left hand when I started the meditation.

I am tired - and have had a couple of glasses of wine. I suspect that could reduce my ability to sense anything.

Reflection

Its Sunday and I am having a lazy morning inclduig breakfast in bed. I have been thinking about things practical mundane and psychic. Reflection is a good thing to do from time to time - and certainly yesterday gave me a lot to think about. I dread to think what Sue will make of the entry I made on returning home yesterday. I am tempted to delete it - but if this journal is going to be honest I must leave in the entries I later have doubts about. Just as I must rceord the things that go wrong.

I am now ina much calmer more rfelctive frame of mind - and also a more practical frame of mind and hopefully I can put down in a more coherent way what I learned yesterday and decide how I am going to put those lessons to good use.

I learned that I am expecting too much too soon, that being 'psychic' whatever that means doesn't mean you always get things right.( I accept that I was probably influencing the pendant with my experiment the other day. )

I have also realised practice is the key. I need to practise meditation and self healing, and healing others. I need to learn to open myself up propeprly so I can access whatever information is out there. I need a routine for openig up and a symbol I am happy with. This will happen with practice.

This such basic McKenna stuff I can't believe I didn't truly understand it until now. And talking about McKenna I ought to record here that when I was doing self healing the McKenna way I always did out my hands on the bit of me I was having a problem with.

I hope I get the chance to practise healing on someone else soon - but I am not going to worry about it. When I am ready I will get the chance to use my new skills. In the meantime I need to re-read the manual.


I just spotted this from sparkpeople

It takes twenty years to become an overnight success. - Eddie Cantor

Setting a plan in motion

Short of winning the lottery, the idea of coming into wealth or power overnight is nearly impossible. Not that it is impossible to be successful, but it involves a lot of hard work, time, overcoming of obstacles, and dedication to achieve. You can't expect success to just fall into your lap. Often, you have to pour time and tears into reaching it. Set your goals, formulate a plan for getting from point A to point B (and C, D, E and F), and go for it! Let your perseverance and drive be the foundation for achievement.


The cosmos is certainly trying to make sure I have got this particular message isn't it.!! But when you get the same message from so many different sources - it is confirmation you are doing the right thing otherwise why bother to make sure the got the information you needed.

And I have my first volunteer patient. :-)

Meditation for meditations sake

After my rather euphoric post earlier I need to set down some more coherent thoughts about what happened today. The main thing was of course actually using reiki on someone else. The maon thing I noticed about that was that I could feel something in my hands. The wierdest feeling was when I was doing th back of Laura's head when my hands suddenly started to feel numb. I always place more credence on an experience if I wasn't expecting it. I was NOT expecting that. The other thig I wasn't expecting was to see red when I closed my eyes during the healing when I was working on Laura's feet. The fact tat that is the colour of the base chakra - the closest chakra to me - is certainly thought provoking.

I haven't done delf healing tonight - but I have meditated just to see what I would see. I ended up in a room filled with light. There were pictures on the walls - all f them just silhouettes. I couldn;t make out what they were. Doug (Edna's hsband) was there as was a herat shaped brooch. It was gold bent into the shape of a heart with ruby's set into the gold. It is not a piece of jewellery I recognise. I dont think I have ever seen it anywhere.

I ended the meditation when I suddenly felt a huge twitch and started to see the mosaic tile effect. It felt like cause and effect. Something caused the twitch - and that started me seeing the mosaic pattern. It was slughtly disquieting.

What a difference a day made

Just back from my second training day - and after my agonies of doubt this morning I am back full of energy and enthusiasm. I actually did my first healing on Laura - and I really felt stuff. Laur saw things like a beetle, an elephants eye ad other stuff. When Sue looked up what the animals stood for it was full of thigns like persistence, removing obstacles which were SO relevant to the very long discussion we had at the start of the day after Sue read that blog entry.

I am totally motivated to carry on with my slelf healing and an amxious for my first chance to treat someone on my own

Self belief

I have realised my self image has taken a hammering over the past week or so; events have conspired to dent my belief in myself. That raises the intersting question am I doing reiki and all this psychic stuff because I am trying to bolster my self belief?

Even more interesting is the question is my lack of belief in myself hindering progress with reiki? Do I need to believe in myself as well as in reiki before it will work? Is my scepticism about the existence of spirits who can guide us going to prevent me making progress?

I am absolutely sure about a few things. My 'ghost' in York was real not imagination or fraud. The movement of the dowsing crystal in Stourbridge was also not imagination or fraud. And I am positive Carolyn was not using cold reading techniques or making lucky guesses when she told me all about Penny. Those are the three signpsots that have led me on this journey

I know a number of people who claim to sense things and I know they are all sincere in their beleif and are genuinely nice people - and since Tony is one of them and I lvie with him I know him better than almost anyone else. He has no reason to put on an act for me. And I dont suspect Carolyn Beth or Sue of trying in any way to defraud me by faking things.

But because my self belief has been knocked ,I am doubting the wisdom of my decision to see if I am psychic and to investigate these sorts of things. Steve thinks people are 'trading on my good nature' - a polite way of saying he is worried I am being gullible.

Unfortunately that is my fear . I have always had a problem with my faith on my decsions. I have always expected my decsions will turn out badly because I AM guillible. The onyl way to counter that is to have maximum scepticism. But that could work against me in this situation.

I am sure this internal debate is going on now for a reason. I AM sure I will get some answers today - and I am thoroughly looking forward to it

The dowsing pendant

Although I have been meticolous about doing the meditation and self healing in the evenings, ny norning meditatin has been a bit skimped. In fact yesterday I forgot to do it. I decided to use the dowsing pendant to see if I could get some guidance about Edna's future. So I did a proper meditation with incentive and a candle this morning. I grounded, pryaed then asked for spirit to guide me.

I asked the crytsal to show me yes and no and after a hesitatnt start it di. I then asked it to stop the pendant - and it did.

I then asked if Edna was going to die in the next two weeks - and got a strong posistive response. I am now reflecting on what I think about what has happened and why I wanted to use the pendant in the first place.

I needed some kind of external re-assurance that I am right in what I tell the staff about Edna and her treatment. My clincial knowledge , my intuition and now the pendant all tell me the same thing. It gives me confidence that I am doing the right thing by NOT trying to bully her to eat and drink.

It has also restored my faith in things psychic. The positive response wasn't as extreme as when I found the brooch in Sourbridge - but pretty close. It has also restored my faith in MY ability to top into spirit/sixth sense/paranormal powers - which yesterdays self healing entry showed I needed.

reporting on nothing

Thats what todays entry feels like. Because nothing seemed to happen during the self healing . I saw felt and experienced nothing. It feels as if I am doing it wrong - but I suspect the real problem is I am trying too hard and expecting too much.

I feel because I can't see chakra's and aura's - or sense spirit in any way - that the training will just be a waste of time. How can a reiki guide I can't sense in any way be able to help me?

But I have commented so many times over the past few months that I need to have faith - and I knwo this is one of those times. This feels SO right. There is a purpose in my doing this training - I just have to be patient and it will become clear.

I feel downhearted tonight - a combination of frustration over the apparent lack of progress in reiki and Edna's situation. Hopefully tomorrow will be better

Half way point

I make tonight my 11th day since attunement - so this is the half way point in my 21 self healing discipline.

I started by mentally reciting the 5 principles. I am trying to use them night and morning during my meditations.

I didnt see anything spectacular during the healing -but I definitely felt twitchy again. And it was much stronger than last night.In fact it was almost as strong as the self healing I did on my first attunement day .

I think the fact that I am still fiunctioning normally, able to go to work, and able to focus for any sort of meditation is a triumph for reiki under the circumstances.

meditation on the 5 principles

I ttreid consciously to include the 5 principles in my mediation today. In fact I started my self healing by a mental recitation of the 5 principles before I tried to activate the reiki flow. I did see colours today little speckles like tiny mosaic tiles in blue and green. And later on during the self healing I saw an expanse of blue/green. I alos felt twitchy - the way i was on my first training day when I did my first self healing.

I didnt apply reki to any particular part of me . My main need is for energy and endorphins so I just let it flow where it wished.

I'm worried this journal will be a bit short - but I can't record things that haven't happened. And I have rceorded all my experiences as honestly as possible.

I think keeping this journal and the self healing up over the past few days has been one of the hardest things I have done

Self healing and the 5 principles

The self healing session was totally mediocre. I managed to meditate farily well despite Edna's situation. I didnt see anythign special. I didn't feelanything special = but I did have some interesting insights about the 5 principles.

I tried to apply thwm to my situation with Edna.

For today do not worry - that gives me a fairly clear message.
For tiday do not be angry - it would be easy to be angry with lots of people including Edna. But I need to turn the anger into a more positive emotion - and a force for change. Anger can be a good emotion if it is a catalyst for change and imrpovement. So I have contgacted the amu;ance PALS to find out why the ambulance took so long to get to Edna on Thursday. It wont chnage Edna's situation - but may improve things for another patient.

Honour your parents and teacher. I have realised Edna is teaching me a lot. How to lsiten effectively, how to put yourself in someone elses position, how frightening it is to have power over someone else. I knwo these are useful lessons. I am honouring her by trying ti be her advocate and her voice when others need to know what she wants and she can't express it.

Earn your living honestly. I must be honest in all my dealing s with Edna . I also need to get myself back to work as soon as possible.

Be garteful for all living creatures. That is a hard one. But havig worked out what I am gaining from this situation I can feel grateful I am learning these things

Self healing experiences

I haven't made a journal entry for a couple of days. I have done my self healing every day . As I do it just before I go to bed, te past couple of nights I have been too tired to do anything apart form fall into bed afterward.

I am convinced the reiki is helping me to cope with the situation I am in at the moment. being blunt I beleive Edna is dying. I feel tat from both my clinical knowledge, and my intuition. I am so tempted to use the dowing crystal to try and find out - but I feel that would be an abuse of whatever power moves the crystal. If I meant to know facts I will be told them. I also feel the crystal hasn't been given to me to use for selfish purposes. And I still have a degree of scepticism that the crytsal really works anyway. And if I didnt get a clear response my faith in myself and the journey I am on would be shattered - and at the moment it is what is keeping me going.

Nothing spectacular happened during either of self healing eseeionsI haven't yet made entries for. I am still mystified by why I 'saw' such brilliant colours during the attunment - but dont see colours now. I guess I am worried I am doing something wrong. But as I said in my last entry - anything worth achieving needs practice. And I am not giving up.

I have found myself thinking about the principles - ad how they can be applied in my situation. I am not worried - I am scared which is different. I am trying not to get angry - but I do sometimes get irritated with the systems at the hospital which make it so hard to get meaningful information. I am doing what I can to honour Edna by being there for her - whether se is aware of me or not. I am not earning a living at the moment - I have told work to take me off the rota for this week. But when I do work I always try to give my very very best. Showing gratitude for every living thing is a tough one. Can I really genuinely I feel gratitude for Edna? Or Alan?. This is where we get onto very dark territory. And this is probably what I need to explore and meditate on.

21 days of self healing

I have discovered (I think) a more mundane reason for the 21 days self healing that is part of the training. Nothing to do with time spent on the mountain or cycling reki through your chakra's. It is a much more Mckenna'ish tennet of 'practice'

If you practice doing something often enough it becomes easier - and if it is part of your daily routine you eventually reach a tipping point where it is easier to do it than not do it.Inevitably at first you will make mistakes in what you are ding but the main thing is not to give up - keep focused on your goal.

I did my self healing last night (just didnt make the journal entry) The meditation was very difficult with my concerns about Edna and clearing my mind was almost impossible. In fact I couldn't totally clear my mind. But every time 'monkey brain' cut in and I found myself imagining the surgery and its possib;e consequences I took myself back to my 'safe place'

I spent about 1o minutes on the meditation and healing - and a further 5 in prayerful meditation after I had thanked my reiki guide (who I still haven't sensed, felt, or got a clue about a name for)

As I got the tingling in my hands and feet I presume I did something right.

I have been surprised by how calm I am over Edna's accident and current situation. I am 100% positive that the meditation disciplines I am practicing are being a huge help to me.

Well I tried

I spent this evening at the hospital with Edna who it turns out has fractured her femur. I cant even begin to think through the ramifications of this yet. I got home just after 11.00pm - having left home at 9.00 am to go to work/ I was knackered.

I didnt go to meditate until midnight - but I did meditate and try self healing. It was not the most succesful meditation I have done, but I did it. I found it very hard to clear my mind - but I tried.

I did get strong tingling in my hands and feet during the meditation. I felt something was going right even though I aws too tired and stressed to really focus. I felt something (someone) was listening to me and helping me.

Eureka

Just a very quick entry to record a real eureka moment. Sometimes I am so thick I scare myself.

I have been vaguely disappointed by the continuing niggling pains in my back. I have been placing my hands on my lower stomach concentrating the healing on my IBS and back. But Sue said the reki will go where it is needed.

What did I REALLY need at the moment? More energy to cope with what I need to do. What have been saying for the past two days? How I feel motivated and energised. As Homer Simpson would say Doh!!!!

For the recod my IBS is better and my back is much less troublesome than it was. Certainly I am coping with a more vigorous exercise routine including jogging without upsetting my back.

My self healing ritual

I work best in a structured framework. I need routine for important issues. So I have set times and places for my meditations. In the morning I ground myself, protect myself, and pray. I normally do tat downstairs as I am the only one up.

I do my self healing upstairs in the bedroom before I got to bed. Itake off all my jewelry, light a candle, burn some incense, turn out the light, turn on some suitable music then meditate and self heal for about 10 to 15 minutes. Once I have thanked my guide I go into a short time of prayer.

This is what works for me.

Tonights session went well - apart from one of the cats jumping on my lap part of the way through. Memo to self - must shut the door next time!

I seem to have much more tingling in my hands and feet than I have had before. I was also able to just play music and not listen to my home made guided meditation.

One non reiki thing I want to record is that I attempted again to send Penny to Edna.

Self healing report

I have just done my third independent self healing session. Now I have got into a routine its going much better.

I still haven't got the home made guided meditation track quite right - but the meditation and self healing session went OK.

I saw some red today - not much though. That could have been because I turned the light off and onlt had the candle as light. I can't turn off my rational brain! But I did sort of see some shapes. None as clear as when I saw the outline of a figure on Saturday but I felt something was trying to appear.

I didnt know what to expect when I started the self healing. I suppose I hoped I would see a sudden and obviosu improvment in my back or my IBS. Ib fact both are better - but still niggling at me.What I did NOT expect was to feel as energietc and motivated as I was this morning. I accidentally did nearly 40 minutes on the Wii fit this morning - and felt great. I havent used the wii fit for several days and normally just getting to 20 minutes would have been a triumph. I have also noticed I feel much calmer. I dont feel overwhelmed by Edna's problems - and I was a;so quite calm at work today even though it got fairly busy.

I also slept better last night than I had done for some days.

I am so convinced this is a result of the reiki that I was quite impatient to do tonights session. I have decided to do it before I go to bed - and decided NOT to rush upstairs and do it early in a fit of enthusiasm. Routine works for me.

Heres hoping I feel as good tomorrow as I did today

self healing Monday

I tried to create a guided meditation to helpme with this - and didnt succeed until after I had done the session. I'm not that good with technology sadly.

However I have done a self healing session. Nothing spectacular - but it felt better than my previous attempts. I light a candle and have incense burning. And this time I remembered to take off my jewelery - which I forgot before . I try to switch on my reiki by lighting a candle in my mind.

I felt the normal tingling in my hands and feet - and this time I was aware of tingling in the palms of my hands as well in the fingers. I am guessing that is a good sign.

I didnt feel or see anything special - but I did dimly see an eye - but nowhere as clear as it was during the attunement. And no colours either .

I can't really say I am aware of reiki flow. I cant really say I am aware of any huge improvemnt in my IBS but my back does feel better.

I am not really into a routine with self healing yet. I am still a little tense about keeping vanishing while Tony is up and around. I will probably relax and do better with my meditation when I am doing it in what I think of as 'my' time. I must add I have no reason to think Tony minds at all! I am just a real worry guts!

New thinking/

It says in the manual that after attunemnet some people find themselves thinking ina new way or with a new belief system.

This journal is to record my progress as I practice reiki so it seems appropraite to record here an insight I have gained today.

I went to see Edna today and came away feeling emotional - angry and upset. But I decided to try and listen to the voices and learn what they are trying to tell me.

I have come to the conclusion that I am going to learn something from this situation - something that I will able to use in some way in the future. Something that will redeem what seems to be a pointless tragedy

The secondary insight is that maybe if I think hard enough, I will find out I learned something from Alan's tragedy that can be useful.

Food for much thought and meditation

Reiki as part of my life

I keep 3 blogs. My first blog (changing life and times) is all about how I coped with the challenging events of last year. Life is still challenging so it is still going. Its main focus is my health and my struggle to lose weight. The second is about how things go with Edna. I started that so my first blog didnt become overwhelmed with Edna. My third blog (this one) was started because I wanted somewhere to record any psychic stuff. At times the three blogs cross over. Today is one of those days . I feel it worth posting the beggining of todays entry for 'changing life and times' here.

"I got frustrated and annoyed with myself yesterday when my reiki meditation didnt go well. With some help I worked out that a bit of me was angry that I was giving myself something else to do. Do I really have time to learn about reiki when I have to work, do things for Edna , want to spend quality time with those I love....................

The answer is reiki is all about good health and balance. It is SO much more than just the mystical laying on of hands to treat an illness. It is also all about the health of the practitioner. In a way I have been trying to carry out the 5 principals of Reiki for 3 years without realising it.

This blog has been about my health - both physical and mental - during challenging times. Times are still challenging. I have to go and see Edna today and already I can feel my stomach tying itself up in knots as I wonder what I will find when I get there.

I need to be healthy to cope with everything.'


It was a revelation how much of what I already did and thought fitted into reiki. Whether I ever practice as a reiki therapist is irrelevant. I need reiki in my life to stay healthy and cope with my responsibilities.

Its still quite early and I havent meditated yet. I will make an entry about that later

Improvment

I meditated and tried self healing for about 5 minutes before I came to bed tonight, I feel it went much better. I 'saw' more colours during my meditation this time and it felt as if it went better.

I will re-read the manual again and make sure I have it al straight in my mind what I should be doing. Hopefully tomorrow will be a lot better.

First attempt at self healing

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised or downhearted to report that my first attempt at self healing was quite unspectacular. Nothing really happened. I certainly didn't see or feel anything abnormal apart from the normal tingling in my hands and feet.

If you could do it brilliantly at the first attempt, you wouldn't need to keep practising

I do feel quite emotional which could be the result of the meditation - or just my disappointment at what feels like a lack of success.

It is so tough to meditate without guidance. I have tried to find a way to make my own track - but can't and that annoys me as well.

But 'For today do not be angry' Getting annoyed wont help me.

I forgot to take off my jewelery. I forgot to visualize a switch to turn the reiki on. I will have another go this evening and see if the meditation goes any better

Premonition?

I've just remembered something that happened yesterday. Shortly after Sue said she had been told when Edna might die, we discussed whether I would REALLY want to know. I said it would depend on the time involved ' .........but if it was only 2 months I would at least know I could cope with that'

I picked 2 months out thin air - I thought. But its a funny time period to chose so I am recording it as a possible premonition and hoping I am wrong.

The reiki way of life

I have read through the manual again - not worrying too much about the history of how we got to where we are (or where I am?) with Reiki. So different practitioners have adapted and expanded on their practice. Big deal Conventional medicine does that all the time and no-one would try to throw doubt on conventional medicine as a result. But I can easily see conventional practitioners using that as a means to cast doubt on reiki.

One of my pharmacy colleages made what I thought was a scpetical comment about reiki to my FB status where I mentioned going for reiki training. I replied diplomatically and his rseponse was a great surprise. ' Cochrane says it works - I was encouraging you' Cochrane is the bible of evidenced based medicine that all conventional practitioners rely on. He also posted the link to review shat showed a positive effect of reiki and other hands on techniques in arthritic pain. And the moral to that tale is I must NOT assume all my colleagues have closed minds. It was also good to see some scientific backing for reiki. I must ackowledge the needs of my rational sceptical scientific mind.

I think what spoke most clearly to me from the manual was the expanded section on the 5 principals of reiki. So much of what I read there I could relate to my McKenna training. It all fits and thats why it all feels so right.

I havent meditated or done any self healing today yet. I did try last night but I got twitchy again and I decided (rightly ot wrongly) that trying self healing last night after such an intensive day wasn't the right thing to do.

However what I have done is prepare a space where I can meditate properly maybe with incense or an oil burner to add ambience. The oil burner is dual purpose as I presume the tea light flame would. as act as a candle. The tidying up was HIGHLY therapeutic ( life laundry??) as well as being good exercise.

I intend to meditate properly later today.

I didnt sleep well last night mainly because I spent te night chasing TC (our cat) round the bed because he seemed totally unable to leave me alone and insited on sitting on me however many times I pushed him off. As a result I woke with pains in my back. Not my normal back pain - this was deep in my muscles. I did wonder if it could be healing reaction - but its more likely it was just thanks to an obstinate cat. He was far more obstinate than he has been. Whether that is the sort of change Sue suggested I might see in the cats behavior round me I don't know. Felix (our other cat) is as standoffish with me as he always been as far as I can see.

I will make an entry about my meditation and self healing session later.

Reiki Training

Oh my god what can I say. I hardly know where to start. This really has been another 'eureka' moment like seeing the ghost in York and the dowsing crystal in Stourbridge. I went expecting (fearing?) nothing would happen . This was exactly how I was when I went to both York and Stourbridge. And yet again I have been proved SPECTACULARLY wrong.

It was only in retrospect as I thought through the events of the day that I realised quite how spectacular it was. I didnt expect to see colours when I meditated. I didnt KNOW people often saw colours. But I know what I saw - and I know I wasn't consciously manipulating what I 'saw' .

The behaviour of the dowsing crystal when we were talking to 'John' was also amazing. It wasn't so mch what I learned - but the strength of the response compared to when we 'dowsed' Edna.

And that brief glimpse of that female figure as I started the self healing meditation was utterly unexpected. Having failed all day to sense spirit or see anything other than the abstract when I was meditating, why did I suddenly see that outline? And try as I might I was unable to recreate it . So I am as certain as I could be I didnt 'create' it consciously the first time.

So having said how amazing it was I had better rceord more factually what happened before I forget.

Ther session started with a grounding meditation. I found this quite easy thanks to all the practice I have had.

Then we started working through the manual Sue had prepared for me. Although the history of Reiki and the different types of reiki probably are not going to be that relevant to the use I make of it, the discussion it generated gave me helpful insights into a number of things - including my feelings bout Alan, sibling rivalry, and why I want to learn reiki anyway. I could relate concepts and ideas in the manual to stuff I had done using Paul Mckenna's books, philosophical ideas discussed with Masoud when I was learning about the B'ahai, my pharmacy knowledge and training....................so much made sense. And it made it feel right to be where I was doing what I was doing. It was an affirmation that I am doing the right thing. Not confirmation - affirmation.

During this w eended up discussing Edna - no surprise- and Sue got some information from her spirit guide that Edna is getting ready to cross over. She even got told when it might happen - but didn't tell me. At Sue's suggestion I 'dowsed' her Chakra's to find out if they were open or closed and whether they were clean or blocked. I did it with my dowsing crystal and my eyes closed so I culd picture Edna. That meant I couldn't see what the crystal was doing. Sue also asked me to say what I thought of each chakra based on instinct. I wasn't too brilliant at that. Basically this dowsing gave us the information that her chakra's are closed apart from her crown and base chakra's. And they are not really open. The dowsing confirmed what I already knew or guessed -w hich is that Edna is more or less willing herself to die. This isn't really news - but it says a lot that this hasn't been contradicted by anything we found out today.

The sceptic in me says I am reading what I want to see into the information I was given. But it feels like more than that.

The next thing on the agenda was for Sue to attune me. She split it into two parts - for which I was very thankful. I would not fancy doing the whole thing in one.

The first attunment alomost reduced me to giggles when Sue blew on me - but that very quickly subsided and I strated to feel VERY emotional. I was seeing lost of purple , then purple with bright blue specks, then I saw waves f colour - and finally colour moving and changing that I suddenly realised look an eye slowly blinking.

I hadn't expected to see anything particular during the meditation - and I was shocked when Sue described what i had seen -a nd when I read that people often see colours.


Physically I felt quite intense tingling in my hands a feet - much more intense than I normally get. I am kind of used to the fact that this is my signal that meditation is going well and/or that spirit is with me.

The second half of the attunement was even more intense than the first but less emotional. The phsical symptoms were greater and the colours less intense but it was still a very draining process. Sue's question as I cam out of the meditation was 'Do you feel as if yu have gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson' the answer was 'yes'

Just at the end of the meditation when Sue was asking me to try and see my reiki guide or get a name for them the name 'John' popped into my mind.

We tried to find out who this was using the dowsing crystal. The responses I got were MUCH stronger than when I was dowsing Edna's chakra's. He isn't my reiki guidem he isn't to help me - bt he is something to do with Tony (whose full name is Anthony John) I asked about that when I rememebred the only 'John' I knew was him. This could be a signal that Tony is going to be helping me in some way - maybe with his mediumship if he chooses to develop it. I so hope he does.


We ended the session with my first self healing session. This is when I saw the outline figure of a woman. Apart from that it was mainly abstract colours again although this time I was aware of little holes of blackness - almst black holes sucking colour away.

Physically this was very intrense. At times I felt muscle twitches and I jumped several times. I only spent about 7 minutes meditating - but physically that was more than enough.

The next step is to do self healing for the next 21 days. I am looking forward to it and will record what happens in this blog.

It is only 9.15 - but I feel ready for bed. I didnt expect the day to be so tiring.