Images and metaphors

I can't remember if I recorded it on here but I had a waking vision the other day that gave me the image of a dove. I know I blogged on ere about the meditation that gave me the colour yellow and about the image of a butterfly.

The butterfly represents metamoprhosis, the dove intellectual and spiritual metamorphosis. Both apt for my current situation and plans.

This morning I did my card picks. The Tarot card was the 9 of cups (now is a good time for fulfilment of dreams if you work at it)

Then I picked 3 cards to try to get a combined message one each from Ask your guides, Angels and Fairies

I got rest - which is clearly what I need at the moment. Solar Plexus chakra - it is safe to take charge of your life in positive ways and Happy ever after - meaning obvious. The colour for the solar plexus chakra is yellow.

There does seem to be a coherent message coming through. And it is a good message.

Yellow

Yesterday I did the Eamonn Downy Sweet Surrender meditation. The colour I got clearly in the final part was 'yellow' and the image that came to my mind was of the sun giving light warmth to us. I felt this could be an analogy of me as a light worker, giving to those who need or want it.

Its a nice thought

I did random card picks today for the first time in some time. I only used my decks and I got the King of Wands, Law of Attraction, Boredom and raising your standards.

The message I get is that I need to become more like the 'can do' King of Wands. The other 3 cards in their very different ways all speak of changes in my life, dissatisfaction with my current life and of being led down a different path, surrounded by different people and living my dream. But unless I have the 'can do' attitude it won't happen.

On Friday when I left Solihull some of the girls had clubbed together and got me a small fob watch of the type nurses wear. It is in the shape of a butterfly. I forgot until I shuffled the cards today that the back of the fairy deck is a butterfly. Hmmmm coincidence?? Possibly, probably - but it is a nice omen.

A dove

I had a waking vision last night. Unusually it wasn't first thing in the morning but when I woke in the middle of the night. I still wonder if I really AM awake - but I am 99% sure I am. However even if I am asleep these are unusually vivid memorable dreams that I never had before I started actively developing my psychic abilities. And they still seemed to be linked with my being psychically active. In this case I have been meditating regularly.

The images were goldish on a muddy brownish background. Much more muted colours than I have seen before. The images were muddled but I know I saw a face. I also saw winged things including one that was a stylized dove in flight. I also saw symbols that I think were writing - but nothing I could decipher.

Memo to self keep a notebook by the bed so you can record these at the time. 6 hours later after some more sleep the memory is not as clear as it was.

What doe these mean? Is the dove a significant image?

An extraordinary meditation

OK deep breath time. Make of this what you will. I decided to do another card meditation but being a bit disorganised I ended up taking the tarot deck upstairs to pick the card. I put them on the floor by the chair. I went through my usual candle incense and symbols routine reallised I hadn't got my iPod and decided I would meditate in silence. I did my reiki principles and my prayers, then decided I would pick my tarot card. One card had fallen - I presume it was the top one, so I looked at and it was The Priestess (major arcana again!) However as it clearly had just fallen off the top I decided to check if it WAS my card for today by seeing if I got more of a buzz of it than the rest of the deck. I clearly did so I stuck with that card. She is the third of the major arcana (although not number 3 as the Fool is zero) and my birth number is 3 so I feel an affinity for The Priestess as well as The Empress the 'official' card number 3.

Fort some reason instead of seeing myself in my safe glade I decided to use the image of the candle flame and it became a door through which I stepped into utter blackness. I was aware of Thomas and Eli with me. I looked around and saw a light a long way away and we headed towards it. Then the Priestess was sitting there on her bench and I and I asked 'Who are you?" She replied 'I am you' so I sat on her bench for a short time. Then I got up and she sat back down and I decided I wasn't quite ready for that yet. She vanished and the three of us moved on towards the light again - which was still a long way away. Then Tony was there and he hugged me. We moved on towards the light again and I found myself repeating over and over again 'I am not afraid' Except I realised I was repeating that because I WAS afraid the potential power reiki and psychic abilities give me. Then we were traveling though an area where reiki was pouring down. So we stayed there for a bit and from the sudden thirst I developed I was channeling We left the reiki area and the light was still a long way away until I realised I need to use reiki regularlly to deal with my fear and lets be honest self hatred. Suddenly the light was right in front of and it was another door. I stepped through into my safe glade. I decide to self treat while I was still in the glade - not for long but when I could see the purple light rotating I decided to stop and leave the meditation.

At one point ,I dont remember when , I thought about Colin and realised he looked a little like the new vicar at St Mary's. Now if I find his name is Colin I will be VERY amazed.

It was the kind of meditation that I really need to think about a lot. But one message I did clearly get was that I need to embrace darkness and silence. Last night my bedside radio was playing up so when I woke up at 2.15 I didnt keep the radio on. I slept like a log the rest of the night.

I can't wait for the next investigation when I intend to try a lone vigil in the dark and total silence. I will try channeling reiki and see what I get. After all the glass at the Witch did say I worked with spirit by channeling reiki. If that opens up my psychic eyes and ears who know what I could see or hear.

The Hierophant

I meditated today - having missed a lot days lately and I do feel the worse for it. I decided to do a card meditation and ended up with Hierophant. To me the card represents a teacher imparting knowledge and I found myself asking 'Who is my Hierophant? I got the answer Tony. The meaning in the book is that the card represents the desire for spiritual progress. Well that is something I do want to do. The idea that Tony can help me is logical because he has progressed further with his psychic development than I have. But this isnt just about PSYCHIC progress its about SPIRITUAL progress and I suspect I need to look deeper for the meaning.

I did some self healing - not for long but I felt I needed something.

Today I am going down to meet Jane Diane and Anne for our second Taylor Day. I am apprehensive as I always am when a family visit is imminent. I feel I ought to take my crystals with me as I am wondering if I am going to give reiki to someone during the day. That would be nice.

Here's hping its a good day

Wheel of Fortune

I have been lax in my meditations for a few days. I have too tired mentally and physically to meditate fruitfully. This morning got myself organsed and have managed a meditation this morning. I decided to do a random tarot pick and meditate on that card. I got the wheel of fortune.

The figure in the middle is Fortune - and wears purple - the colour of wisdom and of the crown chakra. The man at the bottom wears grey - presumably depicitng how he feels but the other three figures are all colourful. yellow is the common colour - solar plexus chakra? Ib fact the figure on the top is wearing yellow (gold?) and white - the alternative colours for the crown chakra. The ascending figure is predominantly green (heart chakra) while the figure on the way down is mainly red. While I can see that you need heart to climb up I dont immediately see why the sacral chakra should be linked to the descent. Maybe I am wrong in linking the colours to the chakras - or maybe I need to learn more about chakras.

It would be easy to say the fortune is random that it is a cycle. But I know that you can change your own fortune. I think how you deal with changing fortune determines how long it takes for the cycle to complete.

Why did I get this card today? Obviously I am on the wheel. But where am I? Is my instinctive response linking the colours to the chakra's the real message? A sign that I need to focus on my spiritual exercises to improve my fortune?

It is possible. I know I feel working as a pharmacist is literally soul destroying. And I did the whole soul destroyed thing years ago and and am NOT going back. Its a good a message as any.

The meaning in the book is that my circumstances are changing - well thats apt and true. It also speaks about control and lack of control. Its all about how you use the opportunities you get given.

The meaning of the images in the book is blind fortune (wearing the colour of wisdom) and the four phases of life we are all subject to. Strife poverty good fortune and opportunity.

I intend to make the most of my opportunites. Is South Bank and opportunity I need to take?

seances

Over the past 2 days I have been at some very different seances using physical mediumship with some widely differing results.

On Thursday we went to the senace at the Witch - partly to see if Isabelle would come through again which would have been truly awesome. She didnt. However what did happen was very interesting. The medium leading us (Kelly) was trying to communicate with someone she beleived was the mother of one of the other people round the table. Kathleen was clearly NOT taking everything Kelly was saying and looked puzzled. I got a name -Rosemary - whihc it turns out was her sister's name. Then a little later I asked if her mother's name was Mary and her face lit up like a belisha beacon. I felt humbled to get such a response for saying something so simple. We also did a oija board session which was interesting especially as Claire Green appeared to come through with a message for her family. But I remain sceptical about messages obtained this way and feel we have a real dilemma about what is anything to say to anyone.

Then later in the cellar Tony chanelled again and it was weird looking at him. I knew Tony was sitting stil - but I coudl see him rocking slightly and shifting his hands. And the person he chanelled was very nervous. yet again the story Tony got was corroborated by Karl and Shaz as one they had before.

I left feeling exhilerated and with a real feeling of progress in my own abilities and the feeling we really had encounted something paranormal.

Fast frward 24 hours and we went to the Falstaff's experience. We had been told this was really actoive and that we needed to have our protection up. So I was ready for anything. There were 16 of us in the group . After the lit walk round, and the walk round with the medium we were able to do some lone vigils. Nothing really mind blowing came through. certainly nothing that fitted with anything verifiable.

Then we were spilt into 2 groups. Our group included a group of 4 all newbies one of whom was ultra sceptical who seemd to have gone to the karl Beattie school of ghost hunting. Tom Morley (the medium) led us in 'human dowsing - the 'yes/no' technique I learned at Paul McKenna's workshop. The theory in the paranormal as that in that state a spirit can enter your aura and affect you by making you sway and move and even by raising your arms. Not much to my surprise since I have felt wobbly in ordinary seances I was quite affected by this as was Tony. When Tom was debriefing us the ultra secptical man said it looked as if we were responding to hypnosis. Since I know how close guided meditation is to hypnosis I can see what he meant . I am not sure whether wjat I did was 'spirit' led or' me' led.

Then we moved to be led by Alison to do a oiuja board session. The other gorup got really good results but we didn't. We could get moevment but all our questions got the answer no. Then the sceptical guy said he thought I was pushing the planchet. So I stepped out - and actually left the group early to go back to the base for some fresh air. The room felt really flat - and to be honest I was upset. I know I wasn't conciously pushing the planchet - but I did wonder if I had been subconsciously pushing it.

When everyone else came back for a break mr sceptic and is 2 companions left the event - and I found out Alsion and Tom were both annoyed about this groups attitude and Alison was very annoyed that I had been accused of faking the planchet.

The last session we did as a group in the seance room )an area where I had felt activity during the medium walk round) and as a group we got energy gooing and got some very interesting things to happen - including a big heavy table moving quite a lot. The glass was also VERY active.

So did the group of sceptics actually damp down the energy and prevent things from happening? Was that why we kept getting 'no' on the ouija board? And is there a psychological reason why the remaining 12 of us - all open minded at the least - could get more activity?

The contrast between the two events - and even the two halves of the same event - is amazing and has me wondering more about the psychological aspects of investigation. I am not going to lie and say the attitude of that sceptic didn't spoil Falstaff's for me. It did. Falstaff's was not the exciting place I thought it would me. But I would like to go back and see if its better another night. But I am going to see if it is possible to verify the existence of a Hubert K (King? Knighton?) with 6 children aho died in 1664 at the age of 43 - who was the person who came through when the glass really got going in the seance room at the end.

But in the end does it matter if an investigation goes pearshaped? Having found I did reiki one of the participants asked where I practiced and I think would have booked an appointment if she lived anywhere local to me. My reiki is still very real.

Another 5 card reading

I used the Fairy deck this morning and did a 5 card reading.

Magic of nature, make music, follow your dreams, new location, moving forward fearlessly.

It still feels a positive message - and all of them are repeaters that I have picked more than once when I was doing daily single card picks.

Vigil at the Whispering Witch

This turned out to be a very memorable evening. Except to my intense frustration and annoyance I managed to fall asleep at a crucial time. That really soured the whole evening for me I'm afraid. A combination of anger at myself plus a huge amount of sour grapes because Tony and everyone else was sensing things left right a centre when it finally kicked off left me in a very bad mood.

I feel so patronised when other people keep telling me I just need to practice , I just need to trust my instincts. I KNOW I need to practice - but that inevitably means I am in the company of people who do eveyything I want to do with seemingly no effort at all. I know they are not patronising me - just giving me good advice - but it is very frustrating and leads inevitably to a loss of confidence in my ability to do things - which then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Last night was very unusual. Tony and I started off together in the seance room - but it seemed very flat. Tony did sense something possibly sitting on his lap. A bit later Karl told us they get a dog upstairs and a cat downstairs in the cellar. Then we went down to the cellar with Lisa and Patrick. And Karl joined us a bit later. I got the name David - which turned out to be the name of Lisa's guide that she had just met. I also got the name Michael -who i thought was being mischievous and waiting and watching to see if he could cause trouble later. While Karl was with us he said he could see something round me - a sort of white aura. I wondered if he was seeing what Lisa saw on Tuesday. But it does interest me that he didnt see anything round anyone else.

We took a break then and when resumed Tony and I found ourselves in the seance room again with Kelly and Ashley. I got two names Maurice which I mentioned and Marion which I didn't because I decide I had a fixation with names beginning M having got Michael earlier. Also as I know a Marion I decided it wasn't coming from outside

I was experiencing strange things at this point. I saw the colours I normally see when I am channeling reiki . And I was very tired. I also tried to actively bring Eli forward to ask him to help me get information I could. I have no idea what happened. I have no memory of falling alseep but when I became aware of what was going on again (and I have no memory of waking up) it turned out Tony and Kelly had done a lost soul rescue on a woman called Marion. When Tony was talking to Karl and Shaz later it turns out this story in connection with a woman was the same as one they had got before - but they didn't get a name. The story was a complex one to do with a baby and a suicide. But I know Tony has no knowledge of the story before so it could not have been him imagining he got the details. I could see he was totally blown away by the fact the Karl and Shaz had had the same story before from a different source.

Karl then got interested in Tony and asked if he had ever channelled. Tony said no but I reminded him he had (the Roman solider at Dudley Castle) Karl Shaz, kelly and Ashley then sat round the seance table all holding hands to help Tony channel a spirit. I sat out - mainly out of pique if I am honest. I was so upset at falling asleep and missing the rescue. I was also in full blown 'I am useless at this psychic stuff' mode

Anyway I stayed and listend while Tony did channel a woman called Isabella. Eventually Karl and the otjhers broke the circle and stopped giving Tony energy and he carried on channelling. Obviously we have no way to confirm any of the information he got about the woman and her family. But at one point he was asking where she lived when she DIDN'T live in the bullding where the Witch is. She gave Tony a location of a street a couple of streets away and he got a name that he interpreted as station street. My thought was that Alcester had no station so wouldn't have a station street. However it turns out if does have a station road a couple of streets over in the direction Isbaella indicated. And there is no way Tony could have known that. We didn't drive down or past it on our way to the Witch.

If I saw someone else doing that I would suspect them of making it up. I know Tony wasn't and he can't really remember any of what he said . So he is doing SOMETHING.

The information he got was that she worked there when it was a butcher, she had two sons, her husband died at the Somme. She didn't go down in the cellar when she worked there. She didn't go donw in the cellar now. She was aware of other spirits in the building and knew William was in the cellar. (I know they have identified a William as being a spirit in the cellar - I don't think Tony was aware of that though) The session ended with her agreeing to appear at the regular seance next Thursday and do something for them if they bring her a flower. Time will tell. I would be interested to go to the seance on Thursday to find out.

I meditated this morning - difficult when you are dealing with the feelings I have at the moment but I did manage it. I was trying to dins out if I did just fall asleep or if something more mysterious was going on. I don't know that I got an answer . I was in the room at the castle and I decided to go out of the other door and got blinded by bright sunlight. I was scared to go out there. That is probably a significant insight.

Crystals

The logical scientist in me wants to right off a lot of the mystic things I read about crystals as nonsense. The psychic healer side of me wants to believe. The result is I have an open mind. Lat Tuesday I learned a few more things about crystals and was advised to keep my piece of malachite sparate. I have done so since then. This morning I decided I needed to cleanse my crystals - especially as I was given no indication I needed to carry any. So I put all my crystals except the malachitein a large glass bowl . The malachite was put in a lowly plastic container. I did CKR over both containers and then decided to reiki both containers one with each hand. To my amazement I got a very different buzz off the lowly plastic bowl with the malachite in. Almost the feeling I get when I am healing somone and am pulling stuff out which I need to shake off.

Hmmmmm food for thought

cards

I decided to use my Fairy deck and ask for a reading for the next couple of weeks. I just shuffled the deck and took the first 5 cards off the top. I got

Follow your dreams
Make music
Making new friends
Miracle healing
Higher consciousness.

HC has come out the last three times I have used the deck. Twice a single pick and now as part of what looks like a VERY optimistic reading.



Higher consciousness is a 'validation that my recent thoughts feelings dreams and aspirations are coming from spirit. '

New friends after last night is very hopeful.

another meditation

This morning I decided to do my recitation of the reiki principals and the lords prayer actually IN the meditation. I took myself to the safe glade and I 'heard' 5 of my guides recite one reiki principal each. Then I 'herad' them in unison recite the Lords Prayer. then I saw 'Christ' in the glade and I knelt at his feet as I made my intercessions. I saw light come out of his hands as I named the people I was pryaing for.

It was quite an experience.

I also did some more research on sodalite and discovered it is is supposed to be good for changing fixed ideas and mindsets so new ideas and mindsets can be adopted. Strange that I get a sodalite at a time I relise how my mindset needs altering

synchronous meditation

Last night we went to a workshop at a small business in Oldbury called 3 KIndred Spirits. It was a very god evening . We did a meditation, discussed crystals, discussed reiki and generally did all sorts of 'circle' type things. Coming so soon after Tony was told we needed to find or make a circle this is helpful.

During our meditations both Tony and I thought we were given something on a chain to go round our neck. Tony saw a celtic cross. I thought mine was a stone of some sort - but to be honest the only clear ting was the chain. That is the second time that we ave have shared ideas when we have meditated at the same time.

There is a good chance that Lisa - who organised last nights event - will decide to hold a monthly circle to which we will be invited.

Laura is also running a 6 week psychic develpment course/circle starting on October 11th. Although this is a MOnday and means the game will have to be re-arranged/put on hold we are going. Laura 'manages mediums and gets them out there' She is JUST what Tony needs I think.

I learned more about crystals yesterday both at the workshop and in some research I did during the day. I have learned tha bloodstone is my birthstone - and I ended up getting a piece of raw bloodstone. I also understand about my 'rock' crystal . It is a moonstone and signifies among other things new beginnings. I finally realise WHY Thomas gave me a rock when I first saw him. During the meditation last night I felt Thomas was pleased I had finally got the message.

I still have major problems tho. Lisa was trying to teach me to see aura's - and did partially succeed. She sat me in front of a mirror and said she wnated me to see myself as the beautiful person she saw me as. Of course that is NOT how I see myself at all.

I really don't know how to break through this barrier of poor self image and the inevitable lack of faith in myself that follows. If I don't my reiki will get nowhere. I am hoping that if the volunteering at the hospice works out and that I start giving reiki on a regular basis that will help me get over this hurdle.

Its all very well for me to say that I have no-one giving me positive feedback - that is still true and is a real part of the problem - but I shouldn't NEED anyone to give me positive feedback. I should be getting it from my thoughts and actions.

I still see myself as a fat unsuccessful lump. I have seen myself that way for most of my life. re-enforced by critical family, a violent and abusive ex, and an alcoholic ex, I have never really felt I was worth anything. Its strange that at a time when suddenly psychically things seem to be moving to some sort of major step forward, I am being forced to confront the issue that I was trying to resolve when I read CYLI7D - which was the book that got me started on this journey.

Something is going on - and I just hope is as pivotal as I would like it to be. I also hope I can understand and use whatever is going on. I am sure I am being given messages by who or whatever is 'out there' I hope I can receive the message they are trying to give.

meditation link?

This morning I decided to meditate. I had just had a drink with Tony and left him in bed telling him I was going to meditate.

I debated about my intentions and toyed with the idea of either finding out more about Colin or my ascended master and finally just decided to set my intention as finding some inner peace.It took me some time to settle and I found myself thinking about reiki regulatory issues and then about pharmacy regulatory issues before I finally got grounded and found myself in the the Temple of Dreams. I could hear the clunk as the latch on the door behind me and could feel the coolness and stillness in the air as I walked towards the alter. Colin was there. I got the idea that my drifting thoughts before were relevant that I needed to think about those issues. The stained glass windows showed an egg on the left hand one, Jonas and Jenny in the central window and Ariel in the right hand window. I got the idea that I need to actively call on Ariel to help me.

I left to walk out and saw my ascended master waling towards me. I got the idea he will meet me where I am. I dont ave to go and find him.

I came out of the meditation soon after seeing him.

I went back inot Tony's room to find im just coming out of his OWN meditation. We ended almost at the same time. He had seen a tibetan monk that he had seen a couple of times before. This time he got a name (Master Chen) and he mentioned he thinks this is HIS ascended master. After I walked in he suddenly grabbed his notepad and started writing things - basically a load of runes/heiroglyphs that came through . It was weird seeing him so focussed and neither of us have any idea what the runes mean. But why would he write them if he hadn't 'seen' them?

We also ad an interesting discussion ( 3 way me him and his guides) about circles and joining or starting one. Gill and Darren got suggested. Also he got some frustration about Gill and Darren NOT doing what they should be doing with their gifts. I am not sure we can do anything about that - but we will try.

At one point Tony got a message to tell me to talk direct not through him. He thinks it came from Master Chen. I tried but couldn't

I am fascinated by so many things to do with this. But mainly why our meditations ended at the same time . I had no idea Tony was meditating and he had no idea when mine would end. Why did we both think we saw ascended masters?

What do the runes mean??? Can we find out?