Finishing this phase of the story

OK so in the last 3 years I have moved from someone who was interested in the paranormal- but very sceptical - to being much less sceptical and wondering if I may have a psychic ability of some sort.

If I look back I can recall events from when I was a teenager when I felt I knew what was going to happen. I remember vividly an incident from the days as a Saturday girl at Boots. I was holding a jar of honey in my hand. I remember thinking' I wonder what sort of mess this would make if I dropped it' Next minute the jar was on the floor - and I did NOT deliberately drop it. There are non paranormal explanations - but a flash of foreknowledge IS one explanation. I also remember an event when someone we were xpecting did not turn up. I commented afterwards that I wasn't surprised that I had felt they were not going to turn up. That could just be hindsight or pessimism. But again it COULD have been psychic.

There is a lot of 'coulds ' and 'maybes' in the story so far. And I havent had much success when I have conciously tried to predict events.

A sceptic would look at the facts and correctly point out that I am claiming to have had forknowledge of events when I was young, but now am saying I have empathic ability. But maybe I still have the ability to nake predictions.

I remember doing a 'Mystic Mog' act at Steve's school fetes when he was at Juniot school. At the time I had a computerised 'I Ching' program. I would get the person to press the mouse key and bring up symbols - and I would give them a reading. I remember I foind it very easy to do, and sometimes the people I read for did say what I said made sense. I was in NO WAY pretending to be a reel fortune teller, It was clear it was all for fun, but maybe I was picking up something from them.

Just as I can rationalise that David Wells uses astrology charts as a tool to focus his predictive abilities, maybe I used the I Ching programme (or the dice in my recent experimemnts) to focus any ability I may have.

Why is all this so imprtant to me? Why am I currently investing money and time to find out if I have an ability?

It sounds trite to say I think I being 'called' to it - but that is exactly how I feel.

If it turns out I haven't got any ability will I be dissppinted? Yes. Will I think it has been a waste of time? No - becasue I know I have learned about myself during the past 3 years - and that information will always be useful

I have a mentir

Carolyn invited me to join a psychic social network site! So I did and I have now got a mentor. Like everything else that has happened to me arounf the whole psychic thing it was almost accidental. The moderator started a group for anyone who wanted training, so I posted something . I got a response from a lady called Lind in Canada who used the very descriptive phrase 'psychic vampires draining you of energy' That rang a bell, so I accepted her offer to mentor me and she has come through with excatly the right thing for me. Bretahing excercises twice a day 5 minutes each time. I know what I have to do and how long for.

I have also posted a link to this blog on the site. So I had better continue with the tale of how a depressed scientist ended up beleiving she may just have psychic ability.

I read Soraya's book and found I could rationalise the spells section as simply being a way of focussing on what you want. ;You get more of what you focus on' as Mr Mckenna would say. The psychic section of the book started with a section on the Chakra's. I could never get my head round the idea of chakra's and frankly it was ooe of those ideas I had always felt was on the nutty side of the paranormal. Even though David Wells - who I have always felt had great integrity - clearly beleived in chakra's I didn't. But I started looking for more information and turned to Wikepedia. The entry I fund contained a comment that some people beleived the chakra's related to hormone glands. Suddenly I was in familiar territory. I had no difficulty beleiving that imagination can affect the endocrine glands. So I decided to delve a little deeper into Soraya's book and learn about the chakra's. I had a 'eureka' moment when I learned that imagination happens in the crown chakra ( as opposed to visualisation happening in the 3 rd eye chakra) and that the crown chakra is the seat of spirituality.

It was all the imagining I did when working through CYLI7D that started me off on this path. It was through that I realised I had lost touch with the spiritual side.

At this point I gave up fighting and just sccepted that for whatever reason someone wanted me to go down this path.

Do I beleive in chakra's? No not really. But I can accept that others use that as their tool for getting in touch with whatever power is out there.

One of the things Carolyn said on Thursday was ' Where you the sort of child who always wanted explanations and wanted know how things worked' She said this was the impression she got from Dad. Well yes I was - and it seems I still am. Having fund a plausible explanation for how chakra's or tarot cards, or astrology could be used (basically all tools to focus the mind to the task you want to undertake) I find I can beleive in psychic powers - because I know how powerful the mind is, and I know we son't understand a tenth of what it can do.. And I now want to find out what MY mind can do if I train it the right way.

This is acceptable to my world view, even my reigious view becasue I do beleive in an ultimate power code named 'God' Although what God thinks of all the religious wars ging on I dread to think!

Up to now I have been dabbling. Now I have some proper trainign planned. Will I be dissappointed if I dont discover the smae sort of ability as Claire is discovering on Psychic Acadamey ?(I am sure she is going to win) To be honest yes I will be. But I do beleive I can learn to use my mind more effectively , to connect to 'God' and its power to help people.

Does this count?

I'm not really sure but I'll put t down anyway - becasue if I get ots of these types of thing sit may indicate a trend.

One of the things Steve told me about Judy was that she had a previosu relationship whihc ended because hewas very manipulative. The thought that went through my mind was that it was possible Judy was the manipulative one - and she projected her problem on to him.

Yesterday having learned that the realtionship had broken Alanna (who was Steve's target until she said she preferred Scott!) told him that she had always felt Judy was manipulative.

Also he admitted that he DID see Judy as his 'one and only'. I am now wondering if I was also right when I felt that Judy had ended the realtionship because she wasn't ready to get serious - and Steve was govong clear signals he was.

I have booked myself AND Tony on the Hay Castle event. I am so pleased :-) I really want him to meet Carolyn and I want to meet Jeanagh.

Training

I am booked on a training day in Stourbridge on 9thj August

Carolyn

I went to see Carolyn yesterday after work. I had asked her for some advice via FB, and she suggested I go round. She didnt even charge me for her time.

It was fascinating. She asked me for some jewellery - and I gave her the ring Edna gave me. Se did psychometry on it. What she told me was accurate . Busy minds (probably both mine and Edna's) and I need to slow down.

I was hoping using that ring would give her a feel for Edna or a link to Doug . I am sure it was Doug she was seeing at Dudley Castle.

I dont think she intended to connect to the spirit world for me bu someone DID come through and it semmed to be Dad. the things she said related to growing tomatoes and chrysanthemums, and the value of gardening as relaxation. She mentioned his cough and chest, She mentioned that at 78 'it all fell apart' he died when he was 79. She asked if were planning any decorating. We are in the middle of a load of renovation and decorating. She mentioned some things that didnt make sense about a pocket watch he inhesrited from his dad, and a boy on bike. She also said Tony is very laid back - and that he should do more to help me in the kitchen - whihc is something I would appreciate and have asked him to do.

I asked Jane about the pocket watch but she said the only pocket watch she knows about is one that belonged Grandad. I presume she means Mum's dad. If it turns out she means Grandad Howe that WILL be amazing.

I wenmt to see Carolyn hoping to connect to Doug and try to get an inside track to Edna's mind. And Also some confirmation that I am doing the right things for Edna. I rpobably got the messages I needed to hear (slow down!!) And Carolyn did say it was probably impossible to get a good handle on what is going on in Edna's mind becasue ti is so busy. And it is true At one point Carolyn mentioned Edna coming out with a 'torrent of words' which is exactly what is like.

I really want Tony to meet Carolyn. I would love him to have a reading. If she doesn't go to Pendle Hill when we do, I wil make a formal appointment for us to see her.

It was interstimg that when talking about gardening Carolyn decribed it as very meditative . I told her later about my efforst at meditation attempting to unlock whatever psychic ability I may have.

I came away with a lot to think about. And I think some gardening will be on my agenda for the weekend.

Re-visiting my experiments

I did suggest to Edna that she avoids the common room because she wants to avoid conversations where her poor memory might become obvious. She denied it - but I still think I am right. I got regaled with tales of all the things she does in the common room - so I guess she has forgotten she hasn't been down for weeks.

I also took another look at my dice divination when I asked if Edna would go back to Fosters. I realised the one thing I hadnt looked at was the number I got from adding up the numbers. It came out at 4 - and the phrase 'major changes around the home' leaped out at me from the page of Soraya's book.

So I think the answer to my question is 'No she won't go back to Foster's'

In the middle of disaster

Things are pretty crappy at the moment (see other blogs) but yesterday I did feel my intuition had been sharpened a bit. I had 2 'eureka' moments yesterday when I felt I understood hidden messages behind things

I realised that Edna no longer goes to the common room because she doesn't want to talk to anyone because she so often gets lost in the middle of a sentence. She doesn't want to appear an idiot.

I realised that when Tony surprised me by starting work on staining the door it was his way of saying' I love you'

Their may not be much paranormal about these two , but I feel good that I had the insight to realise. I do feel positive I am right and that means something I have been doing is working.

Divination attempt

I tried dice divination last night. The question was 'Will Edna go back Fosters' I used d10's rather than d6's I felt using d6's skewed the results potetntialy since you would only have the numbers 1 -6. I also used 6 dice.

The results were meaningless - but I did feel a slight tingle in my fingertips while I was feeling the paper with the question on.

The numbers 1,2 and 6 are significant in the reading. It would have been a lousy White wolf roll - 3 1"s 2 2's and a 6 - it would have been a botch. Maybe thats the message I should take from it - that I got the method wrong?

Psychic twinge or pessimism

I have the feeling that Edna is going hit some sort of crisis on July 24th - the anniversary of Mum's death.

Tonight I will try some form of divination on the issue. I have also decided some divination may be helpful to resolve my dilemma about staying as a PAYE umbrella employee with JSA.

Later

This Sparkpeople healthy reflection came into my mailbox today. In the light of my intention above is there some message for me that it is about money and came today?

Money makes us do crazy things we never thought we would do. A great example of this is staying at a job you dislike or working outside the home when your heart is at home with your family. While money does provide opportunities and liberation from certain stresses in life, unhappiness has a greater price. Let money enrich an already abundant life, not define or run it. Can you reprioritize your life in a way that you are achieving both financial goals and also fulfilling your dreams? Live the kind of life that excites you to get out of bed in the morning, one of color and joy. If money comes, great. If not, rest assured, knowing that your life is not defined by what you make but what you already have. The best things in life are free!

Unable to focus

I have a situation with Edna where any psychic ability would be so useful - and I am unable to focus - and too busy/tired to practice focussing.

I think the unfamiliarity of meditation is what is confusing me. I have been able to pray - and as Soraya says prayer is a form of telepathic communication.

I am sure the key to unlocking psychic ability is faith. Faith in God/the universe and faith in yourself.

I am not giving up on my psychic quest. And I am appealing to the forces out there for help - because I really need it at the moment

A psychic challenge??

Without going into gory details Edna is in hospital (again) having had a fall and broken her leg. If ever there was a situation where some sort of psychic intuition or even better healing power would be useful this is it.

Helping Edna is the whole reason why I felt I was called to explore my psychic potential. It was always a possibility - even a probability that at some point she would do something like this.

If I do have any psychic powers then I need to use them to work out what she wants , what is best for her and if I can to help her recover from this.

I need to start some serious meditation .

Practice makes perfect

I have learned that maxim the hard way in other areas of my life. Certainly it took practice to do the visualisations that proved so helpful to me when I first encountered Paul McKenna's self help techniques. His techniques also taught me hte value of meditation and trance.

So when I picked up the first book I brought to try and consciously develop any psychic ability I may have, I felt very at home when almost the first thing he tells you to do is relax and visualise.

I found I couldnt relate to everything in the book tho. Some of the anecdotes he uses seemed too fantastic to be true. But one thing he mentioned I had heard before. Both William Hewitt and Pasul Mckenna mention the idea of visualizing parking spaces having worked for people they knew. So I decided to try it out for myself.

Parking at my current placement is a nightmare some days. So on this day I consciously meditated to get myself tuned in to .....whatever the source of the power is. (I will explain my spirituall beliefs later) Then all the way to work I kept imagining the space being available. I also kept repeating there WILL be a parking space for me. Imagine my surprise when as I was on the first half of the 'car park circuit' a car pulled out of a space in front of at just the right time for me to drive straight in.

It almost certainly was pure coincidence - but it certainly didn't discourage me in my ideas about psychic ability.

I found there was a lot in common between the ideas and techniques in William Hewitts book and the ideas and techniques that Paaul Mckenna had introduced me too. In fact one of the immediate post McKenna effects was a re-awakening of the spiritual side I had lost through years of depression.

So I felt what I was doing was an extension of the work I had already done.

The second book I read found me rather than me finding it.

I found a book called Spells and Psychic Powers lying around in the tea room at work. When I asked who it belonged to no-one knew - and someone suggested it had been accidentally left by the bookseller who visits the department. It should have been collected with the other samples. It wasnt. So no-one objected when I asked if I could borrow it (and no-one has asked for it back yet!) Some of the first words in the book are ' Perhaps you have been given this book - perhaps yu have been drawn to it. Either the way the magick has begun'

It felt as if someone meant me to have that book.

I tried healing Daniel again today. This time when I imagine mysekf holding him I put my arms in psotion as if I physically was holding a baby.

I heard from Jane to day. She said she thought about Mum - but not mch to my surprise she didnt give any indication she was aware of my thoughts.

In my next entry I will explain my spiritual beliefs

My psychic and paranormal journey

I guess this journey began when I first started working through 'Change your life in seven days' although this was NOT one of the changes I imagined. That was in July 2006.

What I learned from that book , as well as lots of interesting things about myself, was how powerful a tool the mind is when used properly. I learned how to use visualisation to make myself feel better both mentally and physically and I was reminded very powerfully about the Redactors in Julian Mays 'Exiles' set of books -people who use psi powers to heal themselves and others. However it wasnt until January 2009 that I finally started on the journey built on those foundations.

In January I saw a ghost during a ghost hunt at York Railway museum. I had other interesting experiences there but seeing the ghost was the most compelling because I cannot debunk it.

I was part of group doing a vigil near the royal trains. We were as a group sitting near the middle of the 'platform' with trains both sides. My friend Jen decided to walk to one end where some of the group thought they could hear knocks. I decided to walk the other way -towards the way we had come in. I was the only person walking that way. I had not been asked to walk that way. In the distance I saw a figure and the words that went through my head were' Thats a rather freaky looking mannequin' I decided I didnt want to walk any further so turned and walked back to the droup. A few moments later we all left the area walking the way I had gone. It was duirng that walk that I frelaised there was no mannequin. At that point I freaked a bit.

This wasnt a 'corner of the eye' effect. It also wasnt a trick of the light becasuse the light was the same both times. Whatever I saw I saw it as 3 -D - and I was bale to dsescribe it as a woman in victorain dress. It was then I found out the train she was standing by was used by Queen Victoria. And no the figure was the queen!

If I was on Most Haunted I would be Kierasn. Sceptical looking for the non paranormal explanation. I have tried to debunk it and I can't.

I have seen mediums on the TV - and no fan of Most Haunted can really be totally sceptical about what mediums do. Unless it is all fixed or the people getting readins are all natural actors they are doing something. I have been to see mediums in person at the theatre and once in a spiritualist church. I alsway thought ' If I got a reading or a message I would have to beleive' but nothing happened - until I went on a ghost hunt at Dudley castle. The unt was intersting but nothing spectacular. Nothing that was conclusively paranormal. Then during the interval I watched the medium (Carolyn Lee) give an impromptu readin to Amy (from Dudley Castle staff) She came out with some amazing stuff that Amy confirmed 0 and her reactions made it plain she was staggerred by what Carolyn told her. No money chanhed hands, and it was obvious the readig would have happened with our without an audience. It was hard to beleive it was fixed. Then a few minutes later it was my turn. It was a clasic reading with Carolyn givng me an idea of who she was 'talking' to, but the information she came out with was impressive.

An easter connection - Alan's funeral was on maundy Thursday 2008
I feel as if I have a huge wirght on my shoulders - too right
I feel as if I have let my son down - again spot on
Not many mourners at the funeral true - well more than I expected if I'm honest by thatwas also true

But all that could have been intuited or lucky guesses. It was the next three facts that left me open mouthed

'You used to own a dog' true
'She was an alsation' - half true - but she looked liek a fluffy alsation
'She used to shake paws with her left paw' true

I know I hadn't told her or anyone else on the ghost hunt about Penny. The only two people I could think she might have been 'talking' to in the spirit world (Alan or Douglas) both had a link to Penny - it was almost as if that information had been offerred as proof of identity.

I cannot explain how she knew all that.

Also when I was chatting to Carolyn (after I had recovered from my shock!) we discussed the idea that everyone has the abiltity to be 'psychic' and that anyoen can be trained to use their ability.

As far as I know I have no psychic ability at all - but I do have a well developed empathy. I also have responsibility for Alan's Mother who has dementia. I decided if enpathy could be heightened, or even given a touch of telepathy it would be extremely useful. So I decided I was going to see if I could train my psychic side.

I have read books and intend to go on a course when I can find one. The reason I have strated this blog is to keep a record of my attempts to use any psychic ability and what the results were. I will talk in details about the books I have looked at later but for now I want to record my first two attempts top seriosuly use psychic ability

On Sunday I used dice divination to see if my feeling that my friend is seriosuly ill is correct. The question I asked was ; Will Andy longer than 1 year from today' Using the dice and numerology I certainyl didnt get any clear sign that I was wrong. And today from what Andy told me about his new medication I think his kidneys are very bad and I may be right.

This morning I tried to send a message of lov eand support to my sister. Today would have been my mothers 83 rd birthday - the frst birthday since she died and I now Jane will be thinking about Mum a lot. - and will probably be sad. I am hoping she got the message that I was thinking of her - although I have no idea if I can find out.

I also tired to help my baby godson Daniel who is ill. I just visualised him in my arms and tried to sue on him the sort of techniques I would sue on myself. I rang Rachel tongith and Daniel is ok - no worse than yesterday. te worry is that he has swine flu. He crayainyl wasnt worse than yesterday - and had slept a lot. Again I have no real way to know if I had any effect - but I still feel good for at least trying