Hmmmm where do I go from here?

OK its time for the blog as meditation. I am just going to type and see what comes out. I am stuck - sort of. My meditations told me things would start moving for me in the spring. I realised that marrying Tony drew a line under the events since 2008 - with a strange symmetry since Tony proposed in 2007 after I Paul McKenna'd myself. And it was what I learned from the Paul McKenna book that set me off on the path of psychic development in the first place. So it all kind of fits......... But over the past few days I have kept getting the message that I am own worst enemy - and last night I went to the Angel Meditation group with Marie and got told something I have heard a lot before that I block my own development. I could BE clairvoyant/clairaudient if I just LET myself. But I don't believe half the things I do, and don't trust myself to interpret the information correctly. So lest take a calm look at what I have been learning about myself and work out how it fits together - and what I can do about it First thing is I lack confidence in myself and I need affirmation from others to believe in myself. Pam at work doesn't trust me - not personal as she doesn't trust anyone. But it drove me to have a major attack of the munchies. Cookies and a doughnut. Sabotaging my attempts to slim down and more importantly stay healthy. Second thing is I lack confidence in my abilities as a psychic. I need affirmation from others to convince me. I realised last night during the meditation that blocking my abilities - which others seem to feel could be so great - GIVES me affirmation. I tell them what I THINK I am, they tell me what I ACTUALLY am or could be if I stopped blocking myself. I get the affirmation I need that I AM psychic . If I DID develop would I get that affirmation? Third thing is why do I need affirmation from outside sources anyway ? Why do I lack the confidence to affirm MYSELF? That is simple - my self image is damaged. I just don;t SEE myself as slim. I just don't SEE myself as clairvoyant. And to cap it all I have a headache, neck muscles that feel like boards, and have my cystitis that isn't back again. And last night for the first time in ages my back started playing up - although thankfully that has gone away today. The headache is linked to work at the hospital. I had a corking headache on Tuesday. Sould I give up work there? OK I took a break ,got a phone call from a friend with some good news, cooked dinner and am just drinking my post meal coffee. The phone call heard me saying to Martyn 'the world is your oyster' I did 3 readings the other weekend - the all pulled 'The World' and I told all of them it meant the world was their oyster. I then got the idea that the same message was meant for me. repeating that phrase again to Martyn (and I didn't remember until after I said it) re-enforced that I am on the right path. That is something I CAN have confidence about.So I posted an 'up boys and at em' type of status - and my headache diminished. The muscles in my neck are still tight but just declaring 'Look out world Sally is coming' felt so GOOD. Tony meditated this afternoon after I reminded him he should meditate more regularly. It went well and he got some interesting images. But my attempt to meditate this morning did not go well. But I have meditated via this blog and clearly something has sneaked into my subconscious. OK I know I am on the right path. But like Tony I haven't been mediating as often as I should. Thats GOT to be the thing I need to focus on. I need to focus on developing as much as I can. I can meditate to give myself confidence. Now THERE"S a thought............