Hmmmm where do I go from here?

OK its time for the blog as meditation. I am just going to type and see what comes out. I am stuck - sort of. My meditations told me things would start moving for me in the spring. I realised that marrying Tony drew a line under the events since 2008 - with a strange symmetry since Tony proposed in 2007 after I Paul McKenna'd myself. And it was what I learned from the Paul McKenna book that set me off on the path of psychic development in the first place. So it all kind of fits......... But over the past few days I have kept getting the message that I am own worst enemy - and last night I went to the Angel Meditation group with Marie and got told something I have heard a lot before that I block my own development. I could BE clairvoyant/clairaudient if I just LET myself. But I don't believe half the things I do, and don't trust myself to interpret the information correctly. So lest take a calm look at what I have been learning about myself and work out how it fits together - and what I can do about it First thing is I lack confidence in myself and I need affirmation from others to believe in myself. Pam at work doesn't trust me - not personal as she doesn't trust anyone. But it drove me to have a major attack of the munchies. Cookies and a doughnut. Sabotaging my attempts to slim down and more importantly stay healthy. Second thing is I lack confidence in my abilities as a psychic. I need affirmation from others to convince me. I realised last night during the meditation that blocking my abilities - which others seem to feel could be so great - GIVES me affirmation. I tell them what I THINK I am, they tell me what I ACTUALLY am or could be if I stopped blocking myself. I get the affirmation I need that I AM psychic . If I DID develop would I get that affirmation? Third thing is why do I need affirmation from outside sources anyway ? Why do I lack the confidence to affirm MYSELF? That is simple - my self image is damaged. I just don;t SEE myself as slim. I just don't SEE myself as clairvoyant. And to cap it all I have a headache, neck muscles that feel like boards, and have my cystitis that isn't back again. And last night for the first time in ages my back started playing up - although thankfully that has gone away today. The headache is linked to work at the hospital. I had a corking headache on Tuesday. Sould I give up work there? OK I took a break ,got a phone call from a friend with some good news, cooked dinner and am just drinking my post meal coffee. The phone call heard me saying to Martyn 'the world is your oyster' I did 3 readings the other weekend - the all pulled 'The World' and I told all of them it meant the world was their oyster. I then got the idea that the same message was meant for me. repeating that phrase again to Martyn (and I didn't remember until after I said it) re-enforced that I am on the right path. That is something I CAN have confidence about.So I posted an 'up boys and at em' type of status - and my headache diminished. The muscles in my neck are still tight but just declaring 'Look out world Sally is coming' felt so GOOD. Tony meditated this afternoon after I reminded him he should meditate more regularly. It went well and he got some interesting images. But my attempt to meditate this morning did not go well. But I have meditated via this blog and clearly something has sneaked into my subconscious. OK I know I am on the right path. But like Tony I haven't been mediating as often as I should. Thats GOT to be the thing I need to focus on. I need to focus on developing as much as I can. I can meditate to give myself confidence. Now THERE"S a thought............

Needing a spiritual kick

I am sure if I took the time to meditate I would get an image of Thomas kicking me. I do feel I have let things slide. But I purchased two meditation CD's from Spiritus during the investigation and I AM going to use them over the weekend, However I haven;t just been standing still. I have started trying to use reiki symbols in daily life. There was a discussion on a FB group about things like using DKM in the shower and SHK on your pillow when you go to bed. I have tried DKM in the shower to energise myself - and actually I am feeling more positive if not more energetic. I keep forgetting SHK on my pillow. I still feel frustrated by my lack of progress both spiritually and in developing the business. But I have had several pointers to changes in the spring. I think I need to keep and going, but be patient

I have been away on holiday - and to be honest a bit too bust to do much blogging here but I must record yesterdays interesting meditation. It was my first for over a week. I decided to ask for a card to mediate on and got the 7 of cups - a card I know well. But for some reason my attention was drawn to the hooded figure in the centre and I realised I didn't know what or who that was. I checked the book and found it was my true self. So I decided to go to my cottage to ask to see my true self. I entered and saw a full length mirror covered in a sheet held by Thomas and Jenny. When they dropped it I saw me in jeans a jumper looking very ordinary - but slimmer. And I realised that I have find my true self. I am me, as I am , as I am meant to be with no need to apologise to anyone for who or what I am. I have found my true self with this mix f skills and talents and work. I am me and have no need to apologise to anyone for what I am. I now also realise this means I can stop being defensive with people who I may think are critical - probably on very little evidence. I can be happy in my own skin And I have just looked bacj through my blog. Check out my entry on 13/1/12...............

A lot has happened that I haven't recorded - but I want to record it as one entry with a beginning middle and end - and I don;t have the end yet. I hope to later if Tony has done the reading I asked for. In the meantime in a totally unrelated event (I think) I had one of my waking dreams. Why should I see a pair of eyes looking at me overlaid by japanese symbols?

There is something odd going on. I have been thinking a lot about my options to develop my side of of the business. I have even asked to be given a sign as to how I should take it forwards and whether I am meant to work up at the salon. Something made me pick a card form my Archangel Michael deck and go the card 'Options' The wording on the card is all about being thankful for and focussing on options available. So I decided to pull a tarot card and got 7 of cups - the daydream card which is all about options and choices. When two cards have the same message in that way there is clearly a message - but I don't understand it. So I decided to visit Thomas in the cottage. It was all green and ready for spring. Is that a sign everything will become clear in the spring?

its been a frustrating day today. I was up at the salon to promote my reiki up there. I did one 3 minutes demo on the juior. But interestingly the moment I started she said she could feel heat in her neck. It turns out she had a neck injury when she was a child. So reiki went where it was needed. the later I did a treatment on Anne one of my hospice patients. We alos had a remarkable conversation where she basically checked that I would be prepared to treat up right up to the end. To say I felt humbled is putting it mildly. I asked this morning for a sign that I am supposed to be working up at the salon - and if not then please could I have some hint about where I should be working or what I should be doing. I do feel I have had my role in reiki conformed today

Happy New Year

I feel guilty I haven't posted in this blog for a bit - but I have been doing some spiritual work. I did a meditation this morning. I picked the 7 of Pentacles and meditated on it. I went inside the figure on the card and felt that he was confident , comfortable in his own skin, and free to choose whatever he wanted. Work was hell today - and as I walked home I wondered if the card was a sign I may to hve to choose whether to stay working regularly as a pharmacist or not