A lot has happened that I haven't recorded - but I want to record it as one entry with a beginning middle and end - and I don;t have the end yet. I hope to later if Tony has done the reading I asked for. In the meantime in a totally unrelated event (I think) I had one of my waking dreams. Why should I see a pair of eyes looking at me overlaid by japanese symbols?

There is something odd going on. I have been thinking a lot about my options to develop my side of of the business. I have even asked to be given a sign as to how I should take it forwards and whether I am meant to work up at the salon. Something made me pick a card form my Archangel Michael deck and go the card 'Options' The wording on the card is all about being thankful for and focussing on options available. So I decided to pull a tarot card and got 7 of cups - the daydream card which is all about options and choices. When two cards have the same message in that way there is clearly a message - but I don't understand it. So I decided to visit Thomas in the cottage. It was all green and ready for spring. Is that a sign everything will become clear in the spring?

its been a frustrating day today. I was up at the salon to promote my reiki up there. I did one 3 minutes demo on the juior. But interestingly the moment I started she said she could feel heat in her neck. It turns out she had a neck injury when she was a child. So reiki went where it was needed. the later I did a treatment on Anne one of my hospice patients. We alos had a remarkable conversation where she basically checked that I would be prepared to treat up right up to the end. To say I felt humbled is putting it mildly. I asked this morning for a sign that I am supposed to be working up at the salon - and if not then please could I have some hint about where I should be working or what I should be doing. I do feel I have had my role in reiki conformed today

Happy New Year

I feel guilty I haven't posted in this blog for a bit - but I have been doing some spiritual work. I did a meditation this morning. I picked the 7 of Pentacles and meditated on it. I went inside the figure on the card and felt that he was confident , comfortable in his own skin, and free to choose whatever he wanted. Work was hell today - and as I walked home I wondered if the card was a sign I may to hve to choose whether to stay working regularly as a pharmacist or not

I haven't done any serious spiritual work for a few days. Although I did do a wonderful meditation On Wednesday or Thursday when I saw Thomas in the cottage. It was decorated for Christmas with a HUGE old fashioned tree. I got the clear message tat Christmas is a time of renewal and I needed to relax and enjoy myself. And I have done. Iwas very chilled on Christmas eve and Christmas day. I didn't stress about the preparations, and the dinner was a triumph with nothing forgotten or burned. This morning I have meditated and tried to a reading about Steve's job prospects. the cards I got were fascinating 6 of swords, 3 of swords, 3 of wands, 9 of swords and King of wands. the feeling I got was that he is in for a rocky ride but things will work out in the end. And I got the number 9. Now there are 4 ways of making the number nine from the cards I got . I was wondering if 9 meant 9 weeks or 9 months before he got a job. If it is a time its 9 months. (4 ways of making 9 = number of weeks in a month) Now that could be about right if the teaching assistant thing is going to work out. But I think he is going to need some support for the next few months as he will either have no job - or unsatisfying jobs. I picked a card for me from Michael - and got explore your options. I meditated and saw the cottage with Thomas, jenny Jonas and Eli. I got the idea of the CKR symbol trying all my possible options together - and got the message the key my spiritual development.

Fire

I have had a lot of fiery images recently. All the wands in Moira's reading. The image of a burnt out landscape with new growth, and this morning I had one of my waking visions. I saw the same image three times, A baby being held by a stylized phoemix. I think all the fire is positive - but it does imply sudden and maybe painful change. But getting that image today is interesting. Steve has an interview today - and this morning Tony has his test reading for 886. I did a pick from my Michael deck and one card fell out. It was all about staying positive and the power of positive thought. I know I can tend to be negative. Today I am going to be as positive as I can be. Whatver the outcome of todays events I am sure great things are in store for our family

For some reason the idea of sitting upstairs and going through my usual routine this morning feels impossible. So I am using the 'blog as meditation' technique. OK lets start with the reiki principles. 'Do not worry' so what am I worried about that I shouldn't be? A number of things spring to mind. Health, money, Steve,work. But the main issue worrying me is can I continue to work as a pharmacist? Do I believe in the drugs I give out any more? I think the answer to that is a qualified yes. I am never going to advise anyone NOT to have chemo, or NOT to take pain killers, antibiotics etc...... the real life changing drugs. But I am fed up with the polypharmacy of the lifestyle drugs. Thinking about the majority of my pharmacy work, it is a lot of painkillers, and life enhancing procedures. Hip replacements , cataract surgery. So I can feel I am doing good at ROH and Little Aston. In a community pharmacy I wouldn't feel that way. 'Do not get angry' The only things I get angry about are when I feel passionate about something. Injustice is my driving force I think. And frustration when I I can't get my point across. Its no contest that pharmacy forums are the biggest source of frustration for me. That is easily solved - don't go on them. "Be honest and hard working' Apparently we all lie several times a day. Maybe today I ought to monitor myself carefully to find out when and why I do. Hard working - I like to think I am - but the pile of unsorted laundry says otherwise. At work I am hard working. 'Be humble and respectful' This can also be interpreted as being grateful. I sometimes think I am not respectful of other peoples views and ideas - but at other times I defer too much - it is easy for me to become a doormat. 'Be compassionate' Thats one I feel I don;t have a problem with. Maybe that means its the one I need to focus on? I am very discontent with my pharmacist role, frustrated because my reiki/hypnotherapy isn't developing. 'Frustrated' does it make me angry? I hadn't considered that before. I think it can make me angry with myself - which is probably the most futile of situations - and is against every reiki principle. It worries me, I haven't been honest about I feel, and is not showing myself compassion. 'Compassion' - it contains the word 'passion' - a word I used earlier when discussing anger. What is 'compassion'? Truly I hadn't seen this train of thought when I suggested I might need to focus on compassion - but I have now come to the same conclusion from a totally different route. Can I find 'compassion' within pharmacy? Am I meant to be still mainly working as a pharmacist? I know my scientific and spiritual sides are necessary for me. The word 'balance' just popped into my head. Clare mentioned 'balance' during my hypnotherapy session. is that the problem? Am I out of balance at the moment? If I am , what do I need to do to 'balance' things and what do I need to balance? Although I am now just finding questions I need to answer I do think this blog entry is helping me. i do seem to be getting somewhere. Do I need to really LIVE and understand the reiki principles before I can build up a practice? Now that IS an interesting thought.