For some reason the idea of sitting upstairs and going through my usual routine this morning feels impossible. So I am using the 'blog as meditation' technique. OK lets start with the reiki principles. 'Do not worry' so what am I worried about that I shouldn't be? A number of things spring to mind. Health, money, Steve,work. But the main issue worrying me is can I continue to work as a pharmacist? Do I believe in the drugs I give out any more? I think the answer to that is a qualified yes. I am never going to advise anyone NOT to have chemo, or NOT to take pain killers, antibiotics etc...... the real life changing drugs. But I am fed up with the polypharmacy of the lifestyle drugs. Thinking about the majority of my pharmacy work, it is a lot of painkillers, and life enhancing procedures. Hip replacements , cataract surgery. So I can feel I am doing good at ROH and Little Aston. In a community pharmacy I wouldn't feel that way. 'Do not get angry' The only things I get angry about are when I feel passionate about something. Injustice is my driving force I think. And frustration when I I can't get my point across. Its no contest that pharmacy forums are the biggest source of frustration for me. That is easily solved - don't go on them. "Be honest and hard working' Apparently we all lie several times a day. Maybe today I ought to monitor myself carefully to find out when and why I do. Hard working - I like to think I am - but the pile of unsorted laundry says otherwise. At work I am hard working. 'Be humble and respectful' This can also be interpreted as being grateful. I sometimes think I am not respectful of other peoples views and ideas - but at other times I defer too much - it is easy for me to become a doormat. 'Be compassionate' Thats one I feel I don;t have a problem with. Maybe that means its the one I need to focus on? I am very discontent with my pharmacist role, frustrated because my reiki/hypnotherapy isn't developing. 'Frustrated' does it make me angry? I hadn't considered that before. I think it can make me angry with myself - which is probably the most futile of situations - and is against every reiki principle. It worries me, I haven't been honest about I feel, and is not showing myself compassion. 'Compassion' - it contains the word 'passion' - a word I used earlier when discussing anger. What is 'compassion'? Truly I hadn't seen this train of thought when I suggested I might need to focus on compassion - but I have now come to the same conclusion from a totally different route. Can I find 'compassion' within pharmacy? Am I meant to be still mainly working as a pharmacist? I know my scientific and spiritual sides are necessary for me. The word 'balance' just popped into my head. Clare mentioned 'balance' during my hypnotherapy session. is that the problem? Am I out of balance at the moment? If I am , what do I need to do to 'balance' things and what do I need to balance? Although I am now just finding questions I need to answer I do think this blog entry is helping me. i do seem to be getting somewhere. Do I need to really LIVE and understand the reiki principles before I can build up a practice? Now that IS an interesting thought.