This morning I feel very down - and frankly sorry for myself - which is probably the most unhelpful emotional state to be in. In fact I have been feeling down for some time now. I put it down to tiredness. I am now wondering if the tiredness was due to a developing thyroid problem. But I know spirituality is important for good mental health so this morning I decided to do a reading for me.

I used my Angel oracle card deck and my first impression when I saw the cards was that I had picked a couple of cards wrong. But as I looked at the meanings in the book I saw I hadn't. Whether it is psychic or psychological I have taken a very positive and helpful message from the cards. They were

Play, New partner, law of attraction, The ocean, Assertiveness.

My first thought was that I shouldn't have picked New Partner and The Ocean. (I am very happy with Tony and I live about as far away from the ocean as you can get in the UK) But when I looked at the deeper meanings I saw that new partner could mean I am going to meet someone by chance who may be able to help me in a business venture. Yesterday I noticed that the place doing the hypnotherapy course tomorrow also does reiki and found myself wondering if this could be another useful link for me. 'The Ocean' probably indicates the strong link I have to water anyway - but can also be advise to drink more water - which is something I have been concentrating on as part of my health routine for the past few days.

So the message I take from these cards is that I need to stop worrying and relax a bit. There may well be an opportunity for me with the college tomorrow. I need to focus o the positive (whichI am trying to do) I am right to focus in drinking more water, and I need to curb my tendency to get aggressive over bad situations. I am not sure what situation I need to assertive over but I suspect i will know it when I see it.

The other idea that springs to mind is that I want a holiday - which would enable me to play and get near the ocean. Maybe I need to get one booked. It is something I have been thinking about doing recently.

I am going to make time to meditate today. I left ot too late yesterday and I was too tired when I went to bed. So that may well be my next move today

Reconnecting with my spiritual side

I have been unconnected for a few weeks now. Tony had to have emergency surgery for appendicitis a couple of weeks ago. And then I disocoeverd in a lump in my. Well I saw it in the mirror and the thought that went across my mind was'I have a goitre - I must have a thyroid problem' Then I realised the lump was only on one side. However the doctor said it could still be my thyroid and I am currently waiting for the results of blood tests - and really hoping my initial reaction was a psychic one.

Tony's illness meant we had to pull out of Laura's course - and really anyhting spiritual has been put on the back burner. However I am making an effort to get back into meditation and using my cards and pendant.

Yesterday I went back to basics and did the Tony Stockwell spirit journey guided meditation. The cushions in the canoe were green and gold with reiki symbols. the candle falme was red, and the bird I saw was a blackbird. As this represents me, I guess this means I have made progress over the past year when I saw a seagull. This was the meditation wher I frst Thomas and got the gift of a rock whihc puzzled me so much for so long. This time I saw Peter as well as Thomas, but I couldn't see the gifts. I was trying too hard I think.

Today I haven't meditated yet - but will do se in a bit. I have however used my cards. The Healing with the fairies deck thre 2 cards out ( Inner Power and Laughter) and I picked 'Happily Ever After. I certainly need re-assurance about my inner power - and I sure could do with some laughter. I am very down - but this may be die to an underactive thyroid so I am hopeful there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hapily Ever After is a good omen that things WILL work out - both with our health issues and our spiritual work.

Blog hiatus

I havent done any blogging recently and I need to get back into the routine. But over the last couple of days I have been aware of the need to set myself goals and have a definite plan. This morning my FB status was about the week ahead being a blank canvass. Then I read a blog entry from one of my freinds who has not blogged for months and she was in a really bad place. That got me motivated to make an entry in 'Changing life and times' In the entry I said I needed to make another entry later to review where I am and where I am going.

In the spirit of 'lets get organised' I decided to do a daily card pick for the first time in days. I used my new angel deck - and picked 'Creative project' . I do regard my blog as being creative since I enjoy writing.

It was a very interesting card to get. I feel encouraged that I am on the right track and doing the right things

Growing confidence

Yesterday was a quite extraordinary day spiritually - and I was actually at work most of the day! I was out at Sutton Coldfield where I had done the readings before and I took a couple of decks with mainy so I could do picks for me if I had a quiet moment. But it worked out differenly. Both the people I read for before were there so I was able to find out what had happened since the readings. Rebecca was over the moon about how well her daughter was doing at school. The answer was very well. We discussed the effect of the reading and the chat and she said she felt as if she had had therapy after out talk.

I did another reading for her, gave my interpretation of the cards THEN asked what her question had been and she said ' You got it spot on'

I did another for Julie one with each deck (fairy and guides) and both came out with the same message. I am mor eimpressed with the fact that she took the message from the first deck as being accurate to My interpretation of the second was inevitably biased by the first reading.

Then in the evening we went to the 'Witch; Instead of sirtting there struggling I decided to go to my castle room and see who was in there, I saw an old woman dressed in black. Combined with other stuff that had come out someone immediately responded and said she thought she knew who it was. Then a bit later I saw a little girl skipping. Shaz was standing next to me and from the description she gave she was seeing the same little girl. Now that could be that we were seeing the same spirit OR that Shaz was close enough to pick up the image psychically in which case the little girl could have been a figment of my imagination. But even as a demonstration of psychic ability the fact that Shaz clearly WAS seeing the same thing as me is impressive .

I am SO much more confident with the cards now - and as a result of my readings at Sutton Coldfield we may well get a party booking in the new year. The technique of going into my castle room to see spirit is one I will try again. I got results. Maybe next time I will get images and messages combined that someone understands THEN I will feel I am making HUGE progress. I know Karl and Shaz were impressed with me last night - because I heard them talking. karl aos posted it in his FB status for all to see

Sometimes spirit speaks so clearly

I have always had problems trusting my instincts and the information I get from spirit. Today showed me just how much I can trust both

Sue suggested I go down to work with her on a friend of hers to help 'kick start' my reiki practice.I meditated yesterday and meditated again this morning before I went down. I got 3 ideas. One was that problems were mainly emotional . But I also saw a walking stick and an inhaler. I had previously had the idea of chest problems but discounted it. So I THOUGHT the inhaler image was coming from me.

After my meditation I got the idea to pull some cards to help ,e find out something more about Sue's friend. I have NEVER done this before. But I pulled some cards and made a note of them. They seemed to support the idea that the clients problems were largely emotional. I then decided to check whether I should any crystals (yes) I decided I would check which crystals later - but decided to check if the malachite crystal would be needed. I got a massive positive response. I looked it up in the crystal bible and the words that jumped out at me were that when placed on the solar plexus chakra malachite can facilitate deep emotional healing.

When I got to Sue's she was just doing a reading for a friend of hers and she asked me if I would pick a deck I felt drawn to and see what I got. My cards agreed with Sue's reading of the situation. At this point I told her about the cards I had drawn earlier.I decided they could be for this friend rather than the one having the reiki. When we put those into the mix they fitted very well. Sue said it was still possible the cards might apply to the friend coming for healing.

Because I had my crystals Sue left the healing to me. The malachite crystal went on her solar plexus chakra. I did most of the healing from the head. It tund out she had a problem her foot that Sue had sorted out. That explained the walking stick. I asked if the problem had been in her right foot. She said it had been in her left foot - but that since the left foot had improved she was now noticing problems in her right foot. It also turned out she did have intermittent chest pains - non explained but probably stress realted. But she has just given up smoking . When I asked if she was just going cols turkey or using any form of NRT, she said she had been using a nicotine inhaler.

ALL the images and ideas I got were verified. I got no incorrect information and no important health problems were missed.

I was awestruck by the accuracy of the information I deduced BEFORE I EVEN MET HER. The capitals are because I must have been getting the information mediumistically (Is that a word?) i.e from spirit rather than psychically

This counts a huge WOW moment

Finally heading on the right path?

Well we are now back from our very enjoyable holiday in Scotland and I have made it plain to the agencies that I am not interested in long term full time bookings. I am now trying to develop a reiki practice. Tomorrow I am going to help Sue with one of her reiki clients. Today Tony has done a card reading for a friend of ours. I find it hopeful that Tony got this request at the same time that I am finally free to concentrate on reiki.

Another interesting fact is that I have got another short term pharmacy booking - at the Woodlands which is walking distance for me. I have been told I don't need to worry about money that it will be there when I need it. If Woodlands need me for ad hoc cover as well as Little Aston that could be all I need to keep me ticking over financially so I can concentrate on reiki.

I meditated today and I think I can count it as one of my more successful sessions. For one thing I lost track of time. I thought it had only been 15 minutes or so. It actually lasted well over 30 minutes. I think I 'listened' to all the tracks on the album. It was on track 10 when I finished and I started on track 1.

I was mainly meditating for guidance for tomorrow. I went through woods and my safe glade and ended up at my temple of dreams. Thomas was in the glade. Jenny and Jonas were kneeling in the front pew of the temple and I knelt next to them. On the windows I saw Christ - but I was also aware Ariel was there.

I didn't get any major insights. My thoughts tended to drift and I fond myself thinking about the decluttering we need to do in Steve's old room. But as I want to use this room as a sacred space - and maybe as a room to receive clients in for readings maybe my thoughts were drifting to some purpose.

I didnt get any dramatic insights about tomorrow but I did get the thought that I would get more when I meditate tomorrow before I go.

During the meditation - while I was in the temple- it felt as if someone was playing with or stroking my hair. I also felt a breeze. I got the idea it might have been Jenny - but then I got the picture of Christ with his hands on my head.

This has reinforced a feeling I got some time ago that christianity is the best framework for my spiritual work. Or maybe a better way to put it is that I shouldn't turn my back on my upbringing and my faith. In a way the change in perception that started when I first learned about the Bah'ai has laid the foundation for this flexibility. The Church of England might not approve of my doctrinal shift - but I dont care what the Church of England thinks.

I realised that the butterfly image and the yellow colour are combined in my fairy deck. I slept with it under my pillow last night. This was recommended as a means of attuning it to your aura. Since I am still not sure where I stand on auras it may sound silly that I took the advice. But I have slept with crystals under pillow before . My view is it isn't going hurt. And since I have realised the oracle cards could well be a tool a use as my practice develops I want to make sure I can use them properly.

My random pick ( it fell out during the shuffle) from the fairy deck this morning was inner power, 'Heaven needs lightworkers ,including you, to realize and utilize their power'