I meditated again today - and again got that tingling on the side of my head. Later when I was telling Tony about it I got the image of Thomas putting his top hat on my head. Oh and Tony did a card pick which links into spring - which firs spookily well with the image of me being showered with apple blossom. What is going on I wonder?

Yesterday was iVERY interesting and rewarding - but very tiring. And I now feel rather guilty. Tonight I should be going to do some healing at a cancer support group in Solihull - and I can't face the drive. I have done the trip too and from Solihull every day apart from today so far this week. And last night my journey home was via Balsall Common - 5 miles in the opposite direction! Yet again its the driving thats tiring me. So I am NOT going - and I;'m afraid I am probably not going to go to the training tomorrow. I feel I have a choice - either the course - or Drakelow tunnells - and I know which one is more important. This doesn't fit very well with the precepts about being honest and hard working BUT I need to be honest and admit I overestimated my ability to manage everything this week. And I think I need to show myself some compassion. I know the story about the beggars who paid nothing for their healing not benefit from Usui's treatment isn't really true. - but I do feel there has to be a limit to the amount of 'free' work I do - because it DOES take it out of me. Maybe thats a sign I need to ground myself better. But there does have to be balance. "Giving and receiving' is a card I have picked more than once. I do need to learn to say 'no'. I also need to be honest about my limits. I had an interesting meditation today. I was walking along my normal path then turned off to the left and sat on a wooden bench with Thomas. We got showered with petals from an apple tree that shaded the bench. teh grass was very green and it was obviously spring time. I looked up at the sun - and got the impression of sunlight boring in through my third eye chakra. Then I became aware that both sides of my head were tingling as well as my third eye chakra. I tried to 'see' if anyone was holding my head - but couldn't. I have no idea what it means - but I am wondering if something has been unblocked . Blocks of various sorts have been on my mind lately. Draeklow could be VERY interesting

Yesterday I did a card pick for myself and got Solar Plexus Chakra - with a message all about taking control. It did fit rather well with how I was feeling. Yesterday I got the thought that I need to ask Raphael for hep with my weight and health issues. It something I have done before- with no specific result. But this time I got the thought about asking for him to remove the blocks in my mind that STOP me from losing weight and being healthy. I can't work out what the secondary gain is. So I decided to do picks from the Raphael deck for me this morning. One fell out - second opinion. The two I picked were 'Massage' which is all about recognising I deserve self treatments, and the 3 rd card was - almost inevitably ' Call upon Archangel Raphael. That was a bit of a wow - because as I was shuffling I thought that would be a logical card to pull. Second opinion stumped me a bit. I am being referred for a bladder and kidney ultrasound, but in my other blog I have just speculated about asking Claire to help me with some hypnotherapy. It only occurred to me as I was typing this entry that the second opinion COULD be from her - and having hypnotherapy is the kind of treatment I am being encouraged to accept by the Massage card. This is a classic case of blogging as meditation because these ideas are coming as I type. Wow!!!! Using the word 'logical' about card picks is a bit of an oxymoron - but it would be a logical card for Raphael to direct me to under these circumstances. I AM a logical person - and I long ago realised my that logical side is necessary for me healing skills. So I guess whoever or whatever is communicating with my subconscious when I pick cards knows it has to work with that side of me - which is why I got the 'logical' card about calling on Raphael. The ONLY time Raphael has appeared to ignore my requests is when I ask for my health issues. I have had had positive responses for NON health issues The logical reason for that to happen is because I have blocks that are stopping me from giving permission for my health issues to be sorted out. And clearly I am being told I need help to sort them out..

More an oddity than a wow - but I DO feel this is worth recording. This morning my tarot pick was King of Cups. I decided to try to meditate on it, and tried to 'meet' him . But in a poor attempt to meditate my thoughts were confused and I found myself thinking about Milton Erikson and wondering if I needed to become more confident with Eriksonian , because my current hypnotherapeutic approach hasn't worked well with the two patients I have seen so far at the hospice.

Imagine my amazement when the explanation about the card seemed VERY apt for someone who is a hypnotherapist - and inlcudes the word 'confused' .

In fact during the meditation I got the idea the king WAS Erikson.

I will go back to my Eriksonian notes and write myself an eriksonian induction .

I did 3 card picks this morning. Raphael gave me ' You are a healer' whihc was SO good to get at the start of my day at the hospice.

Fairies gave me 'detoxification' which was what I had already decided I needed to do today. Not a standard detox - but a real attempt to drink LOTS of water - which I do anyway at the hospice . Also keep my food intake simply healthy and as sugar free as possible. I slept badly yesterday and I am sure it was my unusually high chocolate/sugar intake yesterday that was to blame. (caked and biscuits brought in by other staff, a drug lunch, and the remains of the trick or treat bag- it was a lethal combination)

The I got Queen of Pentacles and that was the focus for my meditation. I saw myself sitting in front of her, and she wrapped her scarf - with the roses that mean love - round my neck. I got the message to love myself.

I had an interesting spiritual 'workout' this morning. I drew a card from the Archangel Michael Deck and got Eternal Love - and a reminder that I am amble to give AND receive love.

Then I drew a tarot card to meditate on - and drew 'The Moon' I asked for a card for mediation rather than something relevant to me. In my meditation I saw myself walking in the card. I felt the water and it was war,. i touched the pillars and they were cold. I felt confused. I couldn't get close to the wolf.

When I looked in the book, one of the things it can indicate is 'confusion' But the other things that stood out for me is how the dog (which I hadn't even noticed because it blends into the background) and the wolf represent the conscious and unconscious mind. How apt is THAT for a hypnotherapist?

It also says that when the moon appears ina reading it may indicate the decisions should be deferred. I didnt think about that at the time - but as I was walking home, I realised work had been so dire I was considering whether I wanted to offer ROH ANY days in the new year. I realised the card was possibly also a warning against doing something in haste that I may regret. I don't NEED to decide yet - and shouldn't decide on the basis of one day however bad it was. I need to keep my options open. So I think that card was also for guidance as well as meditation

I had been feeling very down (a quick check on my other blog will show why) ) so I decided to give myself a mental kick up the backside and take positive action. I decided to make proper use of the meditation room. I stared off with a couple of card picks form the dekc sI have been carrying around (but not using)all week. St Micheal and my tarot deck.

Before I picked I actively tried to open up.

The St Michale card took by breath away. Be gentle with yourself" The prayer at the bottom of the card says

'Please guide me in treating myself with gentle nurturing love in everything I think speak and do. help me know that I deserve this compassion, I release any feelings of guilt to you so that I may experience lasting inner peace'

Why am I so troubled by the memories of Alan and Edna? because I feel guilty and feel I let them down. My head knows I am being ridiculous - but my heart and soul clearly don't

I had already had the idea that I should self treat this morning before I got into the meditation room. That card didn't change my mind. I At one point I had my hands near my head. I could feel the energy , but could clearly see in the mirror that my hands were not being touched by my hair - they were too far away. So I really CAN feel the energy I give during a treatment. Today that was very re-assuring.

At one point I had by hand near my throat - and it felt they way it does when there is something round my throat a bit too tight. My throat felt closed off. It stopped when I moved my hands away. It could have been psychosomatic tho. But I got the idea I needed to say something - but I'm not sure what................

I found myself meditating during the treatment - and I saw myself walking round the CKR symbol. Some time ago I had the insight that the straight lines and spiral represent to two sides of me - scientific and spiritual. Today I got a new insight. The right angle in the straight line represents the change in direction in my life. The spiral section represents the 'journey to the centre' The is a concept about spiritual growth in mid life. I am on a journey - and still have way to go yet.

I did a tarot card pick after the reiki and got 'Queen of swords' My immediate thought was 'single minded' reading the blurb I was told this queen represents someone who can rise above troubles (thats me alright!) but may be a bit aloof and distances herself from people' Now that ISN'T me - except I am reluctant to bother my family - or anyone close to me - with my problems. Maybe thats what I need to talk about.

Or maybe not - maybe I'm just chasing rainbows looking for a non existent crock of gold and all this is just pure rubbish....BUT we did get an email yesterday from Delilah who organised the psychic fair we did about a month ago. She wanted to let us know she had some positive feedback about our readings.

Why did I get the idea about 'single mined' I think i got it because I need to focus on getting my HPD diploma and and others things that I need to do to really HAVE a practice to do this stuff. I think its a reminder to me that I need to stay focussed.

A psychic kick up the backside if you like. Well I have received and understood the message