I had been feeling very down (a quick check on my other blog will show why) ) so I decided to give myself a mental kick up the backside and take positive action. I decided to make proper use of the meditation room. I stared off with a couple of card picks form the dekc sI have been carrying around (but not using)all week. St Micheal and my tarot deck.

Before I picked I actively tried to open up.

The St Michale card took by breath away. Be gentle with yourself" The prayer at the bottom of the card says

'Please guide me in treating myself with gentle nurturing love in everything I think speak and do. help me know that I deserve this compassion, I release any feelings of guilt to you so that I may experience lasting inner peace'

Why am I so troubled by the memories of Alan and Edna? because I feel guilty and feel I let them down. My head knows I am being ridiculous - but my heart and soul clearly don't

I had already had the idea that I should self treat this morning before I got into the meditation room. That card didn't change my mind. I At one point I had my hands near my head. I could feel the energy , but could clearly see in the mirror that my hands were not being touched by my hair - they were too far away. So I really CAN feel the energy I give during a treatment. Today that was very re-assuring.

At one point I had by hand near my throat - and it felt they way it does when there is something round my throat a bit too tight. My throat felt closed off. It stopped when I moved my hands away. It could have been psychosomatic tho. But I got the idea I needed to say something - but I'm not sure what................

I found myself meditating during the treatment - and I saw myself walking round the CKR symbol. Some time ago I had the insight that the straight lines and spiral represent to two sides of me - scientific and spiritual. Today I got a new insight. The right angle in the straight line represents the change in direction in my life. The spiral section represents the 'journey to the centre' The is a concept about spiritual growth in mid life. I am on a journey - and still have way to go yet.

I did a tarot card pick after the reiki and got 'Queen of swords' My immediate thought was 'single minded' reading the blurb I was told this queen represents someone who can rise above troubles (thats me alright!) but may be a bit aloof and distances herself from people' Now that ISN'T me - except I am reluctant to bother my family - or anyone close to me - with my problems. Maybe thats what I need to talk about.

Or maybe not - maybe I'm just chasing rainbows looking for a non existent crock of gold and all this is just pure rubbish....BUT we did get an email yesterday from Delilah who organised the psychic fair we did about a month ago. She wanted to let us know she had some positive feedback about our readings.

Why did I get the idea about 'single mined' I think i got it because I need to focus on getting my HPD diploma and and others things that I need to do to really HAVE a practice to do this stuff. I think its a reminder to me that I need to stay focussed.

A psychic kick up the backside if you like. Well I have received and understood the message