For some reason the idea of sitting upstairs and going through my usual routine this morning feels impossible. So I am using the 'blog as meditation' technique. OK lets start with the reiki principles. 'Do not worry' so what am I worried about that I shouldn't be? A number of things spring to mind. Health, money, Steve,work. But the main issue worrying me is can I continue to work as a pharmacist? Do I believe in the drugs I give out any more? I think the answer to that is a qualified yes. I am never going to advise anyone NOT to have chemo, or NOT to take pain killers, antibiotics etc...... the real life changing drugs. But I am fed up with the polypharmacy of the lifestyle drugs. Thinking about the majority of my pharmacy work, it is a lot of painkillers, and life enhancing procedures. Hip replacements , cataract surgery. So I can feel I am doing good at ROH and Little Aston. In a community pharmacy I wouldn't feel that way. 'Do not get angry' The only things I get angry about are when I feel passionate about something. Injustice is my driving force I think. And frustration when I I can't get my point across. Its no contest that pharmacy forums are the biggest source of frustration for me. That is easily solved - don't go on them. "Be honest and hard working' Apparently we all lie several times a day. Maybe today I ought to monitor myself carefully to find out when and why I do. Hard working - I like to think I am - but the pile of unsorted laundry says otherwise. At work I am hard working. 'Be humble and respectful' This can also be interpreted as being grateful. I sometimes think I am not respectful of other peoples views and ideas - but at other times I defer too much - it is easy for me to become a doormat. 'Be compassionate' Thats one I feel I don;t have a problem with. Maybe that means its the one I need to focus on? I am very discontent with my pharmacist role, frustrated because my reiki/hypnotherapy isn't developing. 'Frustrated' does it make me angry? I hadn't considered that before. I think it can make me angry with myself - which is probably the most futile of situations - and is against every reiki principle. It worries me, I haven't been honest about I feel, and is not showing myself compassion. 'Compassion' - it contains the word 'passion' - a word I used earlier when discussing anger. What is 'compassion'? Truly I hadn't seen this train of thought when I suggested I might need to focus on compassion - but I have now come to the same conclusion from a totally different route. Can I find 'compassion' within pharmacy? Am I meant to be still mainly working as a pharmacist? I know my scientific and spiritual sides are necessary for me. The word 'balance' just popped into my head. Clare mentioned 'balance' during my hypnotherapy session. is that the problem? Am I out of balance at the moment? If I am , what do I need to do to 'balance' things and what do I need to balance? Although I am now just finding questions I need to answer I do think this blog entry is helping me. i do seem to be getting somewhere. Do I need to really LIVE and understand the reiki principles before I can build up a practice? Now that IS an interesting thought.

Full of beans?

My card for today is beans and I can't find the deck to look at the interpretation. ut this morning I seem to be full of ideas which I feel probably fits with the meaning of the card. And I was acting on the ideas BEFORE I reminded myself what card I picked for today.

Tuesday 63 Earth Wednesday 6 Thunder Moon Time to follow up on the events of the last couple of days and how the cards fit - or don't. Yesterday (Tuesday) Clare came down and we went round the german market. Then she came back here - had a reading with Tony, and then did some hypnotherapy on me. She had a dreadful cold tho. Earth is feminine - and mother. It is all about life and nurturing. Well I had to look after Clare - and she helped me learn about myself. Earth is also about being the beginning point of shamanic journeys. Well that fits with the hypnotherapy session I had with her Today has been my regular day the hospice. I only ad one patient in the end - but I had a lot of people who asked me for my card when I mentioned the readings/mediumship side of Krystal Wolf. Thunder Moon says 'service to others is emphasised. So that fits.

Bear

That was the card I picked yesterday as part of the 7 day array. So Bear is seen as being Masculine and Fire. Fire again - fits with the wands of my reading on Saturday and my dreams the other night Bear is healing and intuitive, curious and reflective - well that sounds like me . 'By letting me lumber into your life today you are accepting the dynamic power of my medicine. ' Interesting as today I am going for an ultrasound on my bladder I meditated this morning for peace and calm. I walked through my forest and saw a daisy growing among the autumn leaves. I came to a place where the path split and I could chose to go to the temple, the castle or the cottage. I was directed to go to the temple where I just sat. The temple is the most peaceful and calm of my meditation places. I feel peaceful - and despite the upcoming ultrasound with its need for a full bladder (1 litre of fluid in the hour before the scan) I feel quite calm. I saw Archnagel Rahael in the temple. I think its a sign that he is with me today.

Cards for this week

OK I am trying something new. I have done a 7 card array from the Shaman Wisdom Cards deck . Each card represents guidance/wisdom etc for the week ahead. So the cards I pulled - starting for today are Sunday 24 Wolf Monday 21 Bear Tuesday 63 Earth Wednesday 6 Thunder Moon Thursday 33 Beans Friday 10 Long night moon Saturday 57 Jasper I will come back and amend this post each day and try to work out if the card has been apt or not. One thing I will say - The name of the Friday card is apt given that I am meant to be doing Creaky Friday night! Wolf is Masculine and Water - apt since I am a pisces. Wolf is a wise leader, he is loyal and loving. I think Tony needed to be all of those things as he sorted out his inner crisis. And of course he is the Wolf or Krystal Wolf. I guess that just shoes how intertwined we are as a couple and as healers. Wolf is a pathfinder and leads the way - well that fits with my reading . I am the leader in pulling KW along 'I am setting the stage for long term relationships in your life either in your career or you home' Wow - again that fits so well with the reading I had . And I do feel we turned a corner for KW and in our relationship over the past few days - with the crucial day being Sunday - when I drew the cards.

Crunch point?

I feel as if we have passed some kind of crunch point. In the space of about 48 hours Tony has gone from deciding to give up psychic work and trying to fire his guides, to applying to become one the Psychic TV team 0 psychics. 'Turbulent' describes it all quite well. He pulled out the psychic fair we were booked on - no big deal since it was deader than a dodo. I had one customer all day. But I asked the other reader for a reading and it was amazing. It was all about how Tony and I need to develop together. It started of with me as the princess of wands - and ended with me as The Priestess. Overnight I had weird dreams - with a recurring theme of fire. I was facing fire or escaping from fire. I tried to meditate on what they meant this morning. I got the idea that fire burns away deadwood and allows new growth. Thats very simplistic - but I do feel its significant given my first appearance in yesterdays reading as the Princess of wands - and fire is the symbol of wands signifying creativity. Not sure yet where I am going with this. But another thought has occurred to me. My communication with Tony hasn't been as good as it could me - so I am back to the importance of communication.

Listening to the universe

This morning I had an experience that definitely gets filed under 'interesting' I decided to meditate - something I haven't done in a focussed way for some time. So I set my intention as seeking advice and guidance. I 'decided' to go to the room Chris taught me about. It was dusty and dilapidated - but I was able to sweep the coffee table clean with one swipe. Thomas was there and told me I need to visit that room once a week. I got the idea I was very talented - and was reminded about the patients I am treating at the hospice who clearly benefit from my reiki. Before I left I imagined the window opening and a breeze sweeping all the dust away so the room was restored to its proper state. That last image was amazingly reminiscent of one of the images I was taught in my hypnotherapy course - a sort of mental spring clean to get rid of unwanted attitudes, thoughts etc. It was nice to be told I am talented.