The self healing session was totally mediocre. I managed to meditate farily well despite Edna's situation. I didnt see anythign special. I didn't feelanything special = but I did have some interesting insights about the 5 principles.
I tried to apply thwm to my situation with Edna.
For today do not worry - that gives me a fairly clear message.
For tiday do not be angry - it would be easy to be angry with lots of people including Edna. But I need to turn the anger into a more positive emotion - and a force for change. Anger can be a good emotion if it is a catalyst for change and imrpovement. So I have contgacted the amu;ance PALS to find out why the ambulance took so long to get to Edna on Thursday. It wont chnage Edna's situation - but may improve things for another patient.
Honour your parents and teacher. I have realised Edna is teaching me a lot. How to lsiten effectively, how to put yourself in someone elses position, how frightening it is to have power over someone else. I knwo these are useful lessons. I am honouring her by trying ti be her advocate and her voice when others need to know what she wants and she can't express it.
Earn your living honestly. I must be honest in all my dealing s with Edna . I also need to get myself back to work as soon as possible.
Be garteful for all living creatures. That is a hard one. But havig worked out what I am gaining from this situation I can feel grateful I am learning these things
Monday, 7 September 2009
Self healing experiences
I haven't made a journal entry for a couple of days. I have done my self healing every day . As I do it just before I go to bed, te past couple of nights I have been too tired to do anything apart form fall into bed afterward.
I am convinced the reiki is helping me to cope with the situation I am in at the moment. being blunt I beleive Edna is dying. I feel tat from both my clinical knowledge, and my intuition. I am so tempted to use the dowing crystal to try and find out - but I feel that would be an abuse of whatever power moves the crystal. If I meant to know facts I will be told them. I also feel the crystal hasn't been given to me to use for selfish purposes. And I still have a degree of scepticism that the crytsal really works anyway. And if I didnt get a clear response my faith in myself and the journey I am on would be shattered - and at the moment it is what is keeping me going.
Nothing spectacular happened during either of self healing eseeionsI haven't yet made entries for. I am still mystified by why I 'saw' such brilliant colours during the attunment - but dont see colours now. I guess I am worried I am doing something wrong. But as I said in my last entry - anything worth achieving needs practice. And I am not giving up.
I have found myself thinking about the principles - ad how they can be applied in my situation. I am not worried - I am scared which is different. I am trying not to get angry - but I do sometimes get irritated with the systems at the hospital which make it so hard to get meaningful information. I am doing what I can to honour Edna by being there for her - whether se is aware of me or not. I am not earning a living at the moment - I have told work to take me off the rota for this week. But when I do work I always try to give my very very best. Showing gratitude for every living thing is a tough one. Can I really genuinely I feel gratitude for Edna? Or Alan?. This is where we get onto very dark territory. And this is probably what I need to explore and meditate on.
I am convinced the reiki is helping me to cope with the situation I am in at the moment. being blunt I beleive Edna is dying. I feel tat from both my clinical knowledge, and my intuition. I am so tempted to use the dowing crystal to try and find out - but I feel that would be an abuse of whatever power moves the crystal. If I meant to know facts I will be told them. I also feel the crystal hasn't been given to me to use for selfish purposes. And I still have a degree of scepticism that the crytsal really works anyway. And if I didnt get a clear response my faith in myself and the journey I am on would be shattered - and at the moment it is what is keeping me going.
Nothing spectacular happened during either of self healing eseeionsI haven't yet made entries for. I am still mystified by why I 'saw' such brilliant colours during the attunment - but dont see colours now. I guess I am worried I am doing something wrong. But as I said in my last entry - anything worth achieving needs practice. And I am not giving up.
I have found myself thinking about the principles - ad how they can be applied in my situation. I am not worried - I am scared which is different. I am trying not to get angry - but I do sometimes get irritated with the systems at the hospital which make it so hard to get meaningful information. I am doing what I can to honour Edna by being there for her - whether se is aware of me or not. I am not earning a living at the moment - I have told work to take me off the rota for this week. But when I do work I always try to give my very very best. Showing gratitude for every living thing is a tough one. Can I really genuinely I feel gratitude for Edna? Or Alan?. This is where we get onto very dark territory. And this is probably what I need to explore and meditate on.
Friday, 4 September 2009
21 days of self healing
I have discovered (I think) a more mundane reason for the 21 days self healing that is part of the training. Nothing to do with time spent on the mountain or cycling reki through your chakra's. It is a much more Mckenna'ish tennet of 'practice'
If you practice doing something often enough it becomes easier - and if it is part of your daily routine you eventually reach a tipping point where it is easier to do it than not do it.Inevitably at first you will make mistakes in what you are ding but the main thing is not to give up - keep focused on your goal.
I did my self healing last night (just didnt make the journal entry) The meditation was very difficult with my concerns about Edna and clearing my mind was almost impossible. In fact I couldn't totally clear my mind. But every time 'monkey brain' cut in and I found myself imagining the surgery and its possib;e consequences I took myself back to my 'safe place'
I spent about 1o minutes on the meditation and healing - and a further 5 in prayerful meditation after I had thanked my reiki guide (who I still haven't sensed, felt, or got a clue about a name for)
As I got the tingling in my hands and feet I presume I did something right.
I have been surprised by how calm I am over Edna's accident and current situation. I am 100% positive that the meditation disciplines I am practicing are being a huge help to me.
If you practice doing something often enough it becomes easier - and if it is part of your daily routine you eventually reach a tipping point where it is easier to do it than not do it.Inevitably at first you will make mistakes in what you are ding but the main thing is not to give up - keep focused on your goal.
I did my self healing last night (just didnt make the journal entry) The meditation was very difficult with my concerns about Edna and clearing my mind was almost impossible. In fact I couldn't totally clear my mind. But every time 'monkey brain' cut in and I found myself imagining the surgery and its possib;e consequences I took myself back to my 'safe place'
I spent about 1o minutes on the meditation and healing - and a further 5 in prayerful meditation after I had thanked my reiki guide (who I still haven't sensed, felt, or got a clue about a name for)
As I got the tingling in my hands and feet I presume I did something right.
I have been surprised by how calm I am over Edna's accident and current situation. I am 100% positive that the meditation disciplines I am practicing are being a huge help to me.
Thursday, 3 September 2009
Well I tried
I spent this evening at the hospital with Edna who it turns out has fractured her femur. I cant even begin to think through the ramifications of this yet. I got home just after 11.00pm - having left home at 9.00 am to go to work/ I was knackered.
I didnt go to meditate until midnight - but I did meditate and try self healing. It was not the most succesful meditation I have done, but I did it. I found it very hard to clear my mind - but I tried.
I did get strong tingling in my hands and feet during the meditation. I felt something was going right even though I aws too tired and stressed to really focus. I felt something (someone) was listening to me and helping me.
I didnt go to meditate until midnight - but I did meditate and try self healing. It was not the most succesful meditation I have done, but I did it. I found it very hard to clear my mind - but I tried.
I did get strong tingling in my hands and feet during the meditation. I felt something was going right even though I aws too tired and stressed to really focus. I felt something (someone) was listening to me and helping me.
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
Eureka
Just a very quick entry to record a real eureka moment. Sometimes I am so thick I scare myself.
I have been vaguely disappointed by the continuing niggling pains in my back. I have been placing my hands on my lower stomach concentrating the healing on my IBS and back. But Sue said the reki will go where it is needed.
What did I REALLY need at the moment? More energy to cope with what I need to do. What have been saying for the past two days? How I feel motivated and energised. As Homer Simpson would say Doh!!!!
For the recod my IBS is better and my back is much less troublesome than it was. Certainly I am coping with a more vigorous exercise routine including jogging without upsetting my back.
I have been vaguely disappointed by the continuing niggling pains in my back. I have been placing my hands on my lower stomach concentrating the healing on my IBS and back. But Sue said the reki will go where it is needed.
What did I REALLY need at the moment? More energy to cope with what I need to do. What have been saying for the past two days? How I feel motivated and energised. As Homer Simpson would say Doh!!!!
For the recod my IBS is better and my back is much less troublesome than it was. Certainly I am coping with a more vigorous exercise routine including jogging without upsetting my back.
My self healing ritual
I work best in a structured framework. I need routine for important issues. So I have set times and places for my meditations. In the morning I ground myself, protect myself, and pray. I normally do tat downstairs as I am the only one up.
I do my self healing upstairs in the bedroom before I got to bed. Itake off all my jewelry, light a candle, burn some incense, turn out the light, turn on some suitable music then meditate and self heal for about 10 to 15 minutes. Once I have thanked my guide I go into a short time of prayer.
This is what works for me.
Tonights session went well - apart from one of the cats jumping on my lap part of the way through. Memo to self - must shut the door next time!
I seem to have much more tingling in my hands and feet than I have had before. I was also able to just play music and not listen to my home made guided meditation.
One non reiki thing I want to record is that I attempted again to send Penny to Edna.
I do my self healing upstairs in the bedroom before I got to bed. Itake off all my jewelry, light a candle, burn some incense, turn out the light, turn on some suitable music then meditate and self heal for about 10 to 15 minutes. Once I have thanked my guide I go into a short time of prayer.
This is what works for me.
Tonights session went well - apart from one of the cats jumping on my lap part of the way through. Memo to self - must shut the door next time!
I seem to have much more tingling in my hands and feet than I have had before. I was also able to just play music and not listen to my home made guided meditation.
One non reiki thing I want to record is that I attempted again to send Penny to Edna.
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
Self healing report
I have just done my third independent self healing session. Now I have got into a routine its going much better.
I still haven't got the home made guided meditation track quite right - but the meditation and self healing session went OK.
I saw some red today - not much though. That could have been because I turned the light off and onlt had the candle as light. I can't turn off my rational brain! But I did sort of see some shapes. None as clear as when I saw the outline of a figure on Saturday but I felt something was trying to appear.
I didnt know what to expect when I started the self healing. I suppose I hoped I would see a sudden and obviosu improvment in my back or my IBS. Ib fact both are better - but still niggling at me.What I did NOT expect was to feel as energietc and motivated as I was this morning. I accidentally did nearly 40 minutes on the Wii fit this morning - and felt great. I havent used the wii fit for several days and normally just getting to 20 minutes would have been a triumph. I have also noticed I feel much calmer. I dont feel overwhelmed by Edna's problems - and I was a;so quite calm at work today even though it got fairly busy.
I also slept better last night than I had done for some days.
I am so convinced this is a result of the reiki that I was quite impatient to do tonights session. I have decided to do it before I go to bed - and decided NOT to rush upstairs and do it early in a fit of enthusiasm. Routine works for me.
Heres hoping I feel as good tomorrow as I did today
I still haven't got the home made guided meditation track quite right - but the meditation and self healing session went OK.
I saw some red today - not much though. That could have been because I turned the light off and onlt had the candle as light. I can't turn off my rational brain! But I did sort of see some shapes. None as clear as when I saw the outline of a figure on Saturday but I felt something was trying to appear.
I didnt know what to expect when I started the self healing. I suppose I hoped I would see a sudden and obviosu improvment in my back or my IBS. Ib fact both are better - but still niggling at me.What I did NOT expect was to feel as energietc and motivated as I was this morning. I accidentally did nearly 40 minutes on the Wii fit this morning - and felt great. I havent used the wii fit for several days and normally just getting to 20 minutes would have been a triumph. I have also noticed I feel much calmer. I dont feel overwhelmed by Edna's problems - and I was a;so quite calm at work today even though it got fairly busy.
I also slept better last night than I had done for some days.
I am so convinced this is a result of the reiki that I was quite impatient to do tonights session. I have decided to do it before I go to bed - and decided NOT to rush upstairs and do it early in a fit of enthusiasm. Routine works for me.
Heres hoping I feel as good tomorrow as I did today
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