Intuition working overtime?

I MUST mention the ridiculous situation I am in with my agency. They have requested my degree certificate. and I dont have a clue where it is. At the moment I dont have the energy to try and find it - although maybe the sorting out I will do to find it will be useful. I am so angry about it becasue it is a piece of bureaucratic nonsense. The only way to be registered with the RPSGB is to have passed a degree. Why the f**k do the agency need to see my degree certificate? I suppose I can understand why in one way - but it doesn't say a lot for their opinion of the Pharm Socs processes. Last nght my FP status ranted about this and said if they insisted I woull be happy to leave the agency and look for other work streams. The thought hadn't been in my mind before that - and it was a bit of bravado on my part. I am now wondering if there is a grain of truth in it and maybe at the time of HUGE change I am being given a sign that my time with the agency is over. Yesterday I also found myself wondering if my mobile contract was a waste now I no longer have to ring Edna or ring people on her behalf. The thought came to me that I may need it for business purposes. I saw myself ringing local community pharmacies to see if they want a locum. And that was before my FB rant. I need to think and meditate

I posted the above in CL&T - but as I typed I decided it also deserved a place here. I got manouvered into my carer postion with Edna and it led me almost directly down the path to reiki. I could be being manouvered away from the agency.

It seems odd this has happened just as I am setting up the company ,and just as I am free to look at other opportunities. I really DO need to meditate on this. I also feel I need for Tony's input on this so I will ask him to meditate as well and see if Sarah has any thoughts about our future.

Rational vs mystical

There is no doubt I have 2 distinct sides to me. Last night I didnt do a full on meditation but I listened to some nice music and just sta and thought about my 'spirit guides' I came to the conclusion I have 2 guide 'figures' because I have 2 sides to me. The rational practical side that keeps me working as a pharmacist because we need a roof over our heads and the mystical side that wants to throw it all up and work as a therapist in a patient facing role.

I think Thomas is a rational practical person. I connect him with railways (Thomas the tank engine??? and his top hat reminds me of the Fat Controller!!) or some other sort of engineering job. I have already said that I think Jenny was a healer of some sort.

My feeling that I need to be comfortable with who I am before I can move forward seems much more logical now. I think I NEED both sides of me to be successful in the path I am on. My thought that Thomas will only go into rooms on the left of the corridor and Jenny only into rooms on the right fits with that. It also makes me wonder what I might find in a room at the end of the corridor. I am aso wondering what I will find in the room Thomas took me too that I decided represented me as I am.

I was far too roired to meditate properly last night. I am excited about tonights meditation already! And yet again this blog has been a useful tool in my meditation.

A good meditation session

I woke feeling very positive this morning and having motivated myself to do some mundane stuff I decided I felt very motivated to try seriously with some meditation. So I did my normal gronding meditation and prayer session. The I decided to do the shorter of the Tony Stockwell spirit guide meditations.

I have realised that just because I dont find myself lost in picture perfect visions with amazing clarity it does NOT mean my meditation has failed. I am basically a rational person and I have realised that if the image seems right to me it is probably correct. So do I beleive that I have 2 guides named Jenny and Thomas? I am not sure. But what I am sure about is that my psyche can accept those names and images as acceptable symbols. So they are perfectly valid.

I saw the corridor Tony mentions very clearly. The room (which only Thomas went into) was on the left hand side of the corridor and was mediu size pure white with no furnishings. I decided it needed some decoration so I put up pictures of Edna and Alan. Why them?

Well I beleive that room is a symbol of who I am and they have played a huge part in making who I am today. I beleive I have to be fully aware of who I am before i can move forward. Essentially I have to beleive in myself before I can beleive in the new life that is beckoning to me as I explore my spiritual side.

Meditation doesn't HAVE to be mystical. It can be rational. Rational works for me. I trust it more.

Spirit guides

Last night I attempted to meditate just to communicate with my supposed 'spirit guides' I can't say it was a fantastic success. I was controlling it. I wasn't able to just let my mind wander free. I am hoping blogging will unlock a few more ideas.

I have come to the conclusion that Jenny is my reiki guide. The idea that she had worked in some sort of healing capacity in her life popped into my mind.

Thomas remains a mystery- as much of a mystery as the rock that was his gift to me. Jenny's gift of the protective cloak makes perfect sense. If I work as a healer I will need protection from negative energies generated by my clients. But a rock? It is a whiteish grey smooth rock rather egg shaped.

Maybe it is linked to the gull I saw? The gull is meant to represent how I appear in the 'spirit world' So what does the gull mean to me? Freedom I suppose. But any bird could represent that. What makes the gull special. The sound of the gull is one that evokes happy memories of childhood holidays for me. Gulls live at the borders. They are at home on sea and on land. I feel quite at home both in the scientific world of pharmacy and the spiritual world of reiki and the paranormal.

To be honest one idea has been hammering at my brain since I wrote the comment about the rock being egg shaped. The image of the egg is obvious - new life. My new life as I explore and use my psychic abilities. Tony's and my new life as we work together .

But why do I see it as a rock? Maybe because its going to be tough going to open my psychic abilities. But also the rock is tough and can be used to crack things if used in the right way. Maybe I am being given a tool to help me unlock my abilities.

I think I now know why I have been guided to blog so much. Blogging opens up my mind. In a way it is part of the meditation process for me. What a fusion of science and spirituality! The world wide web as a meditation tool. OK I could do it just using a word processor package - but I know I wouldn't do it as regularly. there is something about blogging that really appeals to me.

Next step is to work out how to use the rock I have been given.

Meditation to meet my spirit guide?

I decided to use Tony Stockwell's rack tonight for my meditation. Anthony has used it quite a lot and I thought I would give it a try.

The canoe was bright yellow with red cushions. I couldn't see ay patterns on the cushions.

The flame on the candle in the cave was red. I have no idea what this means that I need - but according to Mr S the colour the flame changes to is the colour I need.

To my surprise when the meditation got to the point where I met my guide, he was a man in a top hat. The name 'Thomas' popped into my mind. He was wearing a top hat and my feeling was that he was victorian. I seem to have a thing about Victorians because Jenny is also victorian. So do I have 2 guides? Or is one of them my reiki guide and the other my normal spirit guide? Or am I subconciously remembering Upstairs Downtairs and pciking Thomas becasue it fits with Anthony's guide who he beleives is called Sarah?

The gift Thomas gave me was a rock. Go figure what THAT means. It was a very smooth large whiteish grey rock - sort of egg shaped. All this is very different to the meditation in Stourbridge. I am confused

All of the above could be just me and my imagination.

The one thing I AM sure about is the bird that appare tly represents me as I am now. I saw a sea gull.

I need a book to look up the meaning s of all these images and see if I can make sense of them.

Do I REALLY believe I have a spirit guide? I am still not sure - but I am not ruling it out as a possibility

Self Healing again

I was feeling totally awful this afternoon. I was tired and stressed because I had lost an important set of keys which I knew were in the house somewhere.

I decided I needed to do a self healing session. So I went upstairs and decided I would go the whole hog light a candle, burn incense and do a reasonable meditation. So I closed the curtains and in so doing I kicked a bag that was in the way - and heard the welcome rattle of my keys in the bottom of the bag (which was full of stuff I had retrieved from Edna's flat)

I had a succesful meditation and self healing. I saw colours as I was channeling reiki. Mainly red and purple. I felt very tingly and had some muscle twitching in my legs. I felt much better once I finished the session

Free to continue my journey?

This is my first entry in this blog since Edna died - and the first since we went on the workshop at Hay Castle.

I think I now know the sigificance on Psalm 23. Edna died the following day. 'Yea tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death'

The workshop was awesome. I realised that I pick up on emotions. Quite early on we were doing a walk round ourside and everyone else (including Tony) was picking up on things - and I wasn't .I felt so frustrated I could have cried. then I thought about it logically and realised I wasn't THAT stupod so announced I was picking up sadness from somewhere.

Then a bit later on we moved into a room in the castle, I was qorried becasue I couldn't see Tony and wasn't sure he was there. I was feeling agitated. It was only later the penny dropped that the sensitives in that rom were reporting that whatever was in there was very agitated.

So am I empathic? I think I may be.

Also from nowhere I got the name James. A bit later on another person picked up the same name. On cjecking the history I foind there WAS a James closely involved with the building.

Part of the workshop was an energy attunement (a bit like a reiki attunement) This morning I woke early and tried to get back to sleep. When I closed my eyes I started seeing thigns similar to my 'jungle' visions. But this time it was kind of like a skull pattern overlaid by a moving orange patern (flames???) This time I KNOW 100% I was awake. I opened my eyes checked the time closed my eyes again and conciosuly tried NOT to see the same thing again - and saw the same thing again.

I think it must be something to do with the energy (EAP??) that we all got.

I got another impromptu reading from Carolyn during a break. Edna (apparently) came through basically to say Thank you and she knew she had been a thorn in my side and could be a bit diffcult. She aso said she got very frustrated (which I knew) and mentioned problems with her watch and dentures not fitting as some of evidence. She aso said she hadn't yet found Alan but knew he was nearby. I can be sceptical and say most of what I heard was what I wanted to hear and that Carolyn picked up on it becasue of what she already knew from me, and guessed from my body language. Based on what I learned on the workshop I have a theory about mediums possibly picking thoughts from the client as energy . In essence the client hears what they want to hear/expect to hear. Mind you that means telepathy is real which is still pretty mind blowing. But I neither wanted nor expected to hear Edna was finding Alan. I was hoping his brother or her husband might get mentioned. So was Carolyn talking to Edna? I dont know. I believe Carolyn believes she was talking to Edna.

Edna's death has released me from a huge commitment. I now have tims (and hopefully more energy) to see where I can go with this psychic exloration. It feels as if having been forced on to the path, I am now committed to it so no longer need to be forced.

The journey goes on. And it is more exiting now because I have a fellow traveller in Tony.