I feel really fed up this morning - and I am wondering if I need to make an entry in my other blog since a lot of the issues going round in my head are lifestyle related. But I decided to do some cards and picked one each from Raphael, Daily Guidance and Fairy decks

The message was quite cohesive

Acceptance - accepting that everything is going in the right direction is what is on the card - but when I pulled it I THOUGHT I read it was about acceptance of what is going on. Maybe that should also be acceptance of what HAS gone on i.e. my thyroid issues

Honouring your true feelings - because I still DON'T accept what has gone on

Innocence - and the text on the card includes the words 'Give us your feelings of heaviness'

Well heavy sums up how I feel this morning.

The message I take from these is that I have to honour the way I feel, learn from it, accept what has happened - and also accept myself as I am. That idea has literally juts come to me. Blogging as a form of meditation strikes again.

Today started well. I did a good 30 minutes on the wii fir, had a healthy breakfast and was feeling really upbeat and in control. Then I went to meet Margaret and Sheila at Feet Retreat and it all came crumbling down because they wouldn't treat me due to a small crack in the skin on one foot. This really upset me - almost certainly out of all proportion to the actual event.

However there is still one thing on the plus side. Today we are meeting the ownere of the SaS Co hair salon in Bournville. They are interested in both my reiki and Tony's oracle cards for their pamper parties and I am almost certanly going to book a room one day a week at their other salon to give reiki. I have even ordered a portable trartment table and rolling stool!!

I pulled some cards. I ended up pulling 8 tarot cards. Well to be honest I went for one and the other 7 came with it. WHAT a selection!

The Tower
9 of Cups
10 of Pentacles
Ace of Cups
King of Pentacles
8 of wands
8 of pentacles
Ace of Pentacles

Tower = change, 9 of Pentacles - the wish card, 10 of Pentacles - making something concrete for the future, Ace of Cups -well aces are always good. I presume in this case the relationship is between us and Sarah . King of Pentacles - need ambition and determination, 8 wands end to delays - fortune is on your side, 8 pentacles - new direction in career, Ace of Pentacles - invest energy and drive in a new business

2 8's in the selection and I drew 8 cards - and 8 is the number of regeneration

How many good omens can there BE for the meeting??

But I must NOT get complacent. It still needs work and and dedication. It will only happen if we put the time and energy into it

I didn't meditate last night. By the time I got to bed I was too tired. Today however I am up early and will have time to do my spiritual exercises before I go out.

Today the things on my mind are the meeting that I am having this morning with the beauty salon down the road about offering reiki to their clients, exercise, and healthy eating . I am meeting Magie later to go swimming. It will be the first time we have met since the holiday and the row over NOT meeting for a drink while we were both down in Cornwall My weight is out of control at the moment and I need to get BACK in control.

Yesterday I found myself wondering if my habit of throwing dried fruit on my breakfast was as healthy as it could be. It is probably quite high in calories. So this morning I decided to have fresh fruit with plain yoghurt. Yet again I pulled Detoxification from the Raphael deck. That feels like a supportive card for that decision.

Because of a tight schedule - Salon at 9, swimming at 10.30 - although I should walk to the salon I was toying with the idea of using the car just to make sure I am not late for swimming. I do feel the Environmental Awareness card I got from the Fairy deck is a nudge to make sure I walk.

I decided to pull a card from Daily Guidance from your Angels and got Innocence. Does this refer to the spat with Maggie?

Tarot gave me The Lovers - and card that indicates a choice or maybe a partner. Does this COULD this be a good omen for the meeting at the salon?

Or am I just reaching to make the cards fit what is going on?

Sometimes things just happen.

Thats how it feels today. I got an unexpected call from HMP Birmingham asking about my availability for work. It looks as if they have some dates for me in July. Suddenly I have enough work for the whole of July - having had NO offers while I was having my operation and treatment. I think I was on the wrong track before. I was thinking I needed to stop working as a pharmacist. I think what I needed to stop was WORRYING about how much work I would get.

I haven't mediated yet today although I have prayed and done my reiki principles. I got the idea that I should meditate tonight. Because of a trip to the doctor I didn't get round to my meditation etc until quite late in the day.

My cards are very interesting.

3 of Pentacles - again - from my Tarot deck

Awakening your true self and Honouring your true feelings from my Fairy deck

Jesus the Divine Healer and Forgiveness Heals from my Raphael deck

So the 3 of Pentacles is confirming the foundations are complete - but there is still more to do . No problem with that

The cards from the Fairy deck I think are telling me I need to be myself.

The Raphel cards have me thinking - and I think I need to meditate on then - whihc is probably why I got the idea about meditating later on. They could be confirming I am on the right path, that Jesus is with me in my healing work, but I think the healng is aimed at me - and I think I need to forgive someone but I am not sure who. Or it could be I need to ASK for forgiveness from someone - and I am not sure who.

An amazing day

Today I was doing my volunteering at the hospice. I only did 3 treatments but they were all amazing. My first patient was incredibly spiritual, using cards (archangel raphael cards!) and meditation cds - although he said he was having problems meditating since coming into the hospice. His father's girlfriend had given him spiritual healing in the past, and during the treatment he started rummaging around in his bag for a crystal he suddenly felt an urge to hold. Because he was so open I was able to be more openly spiritual than I normally am. He reacted when I started treating his throat, and at the end of the treatment I decided he was so open to things psychic that I could risk telling him that I felt he had something that he needed to tell someone - and that it was important he did so. I wasn't totally on the mark - but he did say he needed to talk to the police about something and that it would help to clear someone's name - but at the moment he couldn't talk to the police.

My second patient was a home treatment (first of many I hope) She was pragmatic, not religous but spiritual in her own way. She ended up in tears at one point - and personally I think she got more benefit from the talking than form the reiki - but that is still part of my healing work.

My third patient was an out patient who had had reaiki before but over a year ago. During the treatment I sensed more energy going into her right leg than her left so at the end of the session I asked if she was having problems with her leg and she said it had started aching. Based on her medical history I suggested it was probably nothing but that to be on the safe side she should mention it to her GP. During the treatment I also found myself usign a very unusual hand positon - one hand on either side of her lower abdomen. It turns out she is seeing a gynaecologist with a view to having a hysterectomy.

I always find it very humbling when I pick up things during a treatment like that.

Both the patients I treated at the hopsice want treatmentsts next week

Building a new life

I have had my operation, I have had my radio-iodine treatment, and we have been away on holiday. So now I am at the start of a new era in my life - and hopefully I can move on with things. Trouble is I am unsure what to focus on. Up till now I have always felt my spiritual work was something to do in my spare time. I was focussing on finding enough pharmacy work to keep me going financially while I dabbled in reiki and hypnotherapy. But I am no longer sure that is the best way. My meditation yesterday gave me the idea that keeping on with pharmacy is keeping me on the autumn side of the path.

Yesterday I did a tarot reading for myself asking for a reading if I stopped working as a pharmacist. I also asked Tony to do a reading using his goddess cards asking the same question. Both seemed positive - and the cards that Tony got indicated I needed to keep up with this blog (Tony I hope you are reading this!!!)

I decided to pull some cards for guidance - and decided to turn the tv off and put some nice music on while I did the cards. I used three decks. Raphael, Fairy and Tarot

One card fell out of the Raphael deck so I took that as my pick - and it was 'exercise' As I gad already done 30 minutes on the wii-fit this morning I took that as endorsement of my decision that I need to exercise more. In fact before I got up this morning I found myself thinking about going for a walk in the park. So I am guessing I had those thoughts in response to some gentle spiritual prompting

The Fairy deck gave me 'Make Music' That I am taking as endorsement of my decision to play some music. I bought a new CD called 'sound massage' while we were on holiday and that is what I am playing as I type this. I also wonder if I am being told to use music more with my healing.

My tarot cards were

The Devil
3 of Wands
3 or Pentacles

So something has come to an iniital completion - but thee is more to do. I don;t find that frustrating - I just want to be sure I am doing the right things. And that does feel like a reasonable description of how I feel at the moment.

Wands is creativity - and that backs up one of the cards Tony got during my reading yesterday. Pentacles is finances - and certainly finance is a critical factor in my decisions. Financially do I NEED to continue working as a pharmacist? But it is The Devil that has me fascinated. What am I repressing? What do I need to explore about my inner self? Is it telling me working as a pharmacist is repressing my spiritual work?

I need to meditate on that.

Later

I have meditated on that card. I found myself flying and able to see how all the 'places' I use in my meditations fit together. Basically the path runs from my 'safe glade' to my 'castle room' then branches one way goes to my 'moroccan house' and the other goes to my 'temple of dreams' I got the idea that my dreams are key to my role as a healer. I also got the idea that I am repressing my dreamer side and that this could be hindering my work as a healer. The Moroccan house is where I often see my reiki guide and where I tend to get my best info on patients - this is why I feel it represents my work as a healer.

So is my practical side - the one that feels I need to keep working as a pharmacist - actually hindering my healer side?

One of the cards Tony pulled for me yesterday was about taking risks. Is that the risk I have to take?

I had an amazing half hour of prayer meditation and reiki self healing this morning. In my meditation this time I went on to the autumn side of the path. Penny was there with me - then suddenly the fire elemental I saw yesterday was there and all the leaves were burning up - in fact the whole landscape burned up - tore a whole in the view and through it I could see my temple of dreams.

I went in - and the image on the stained glass window was of Christ standing with his arms open welcoming me. The pews were full. Normally I walk up to the front but something kept me at the back and I decided to do some reiki self healing. My thoughts kept wandering during the reiki - but when I had finished I went back to the temple and I was still standing at the back. I turned and walked out - with the clear idea that all that was waiting for me in the temple will still be there for me once I am over my treatment. But I know my creativity will be needed in some way. I just have to work out how