I had an interesting spiritual 'workout' this morning. I drew a card from the Archangel Michael Deck and got Eternal Love - and a reminder that I am amble to give AND receive love.

Then I drew a tarot card to meditate on - and drew 'The Moon' I asked for a card for mediation rather than something relevant to me. In my meditation I saw myself walking in the card. I felt the water and it was war,. i touched the pillars and they were cold. I felt confused. I couldn't get close to the wolf.

When I looked in the book, one of the things it can indicate is 'confusion' But the other things that stood out for me is how the dog (which I hadn't even noticed because it blends into the background) and the wolf represent the conscious and unconscious mind. How apt is THAT for a hypnotherapist?

It also says that when the moon appears ina reading it may indicate the decisions should be deferred. I didnt think about that at the time - but as I was walking home, I realised work had been so dire I was considering whether I wanted to offer ROH ANY days in the new year. I realised the card was possibly also a warning against doing something in haste that I may regret. I don't NEED to decide yet - and shouldn't decide on the basis of one day however bad it was. I need to keep my options open. So I think that card was also for guidance as well as meditation

I had been feeling very down (a quick check on my other blog will show why) ) so I decided to give myself a mental kick up the backside and take positive action. I decided to make proper use of the meditation room. I stared off with a couple of card picks form the dekc sI have been carrying around (but not using)all week. St Micheal and my tarot deck.

Before I picked I actively tried to open up.

The St Michale card took by breath away. Be gentle with yourself" The prayer at the bottom of the card says

'Please guide me in treating myself with gentle nurturing love in everything I think speak and do. help me know that I deserve this compassion, I release any feelings of guilt to you so that I may experience lasting inner peace'

Why am I so troubled by the memories of Alan and Edna? because I feel guilty and feel I let them down. My head knows I am being ridiculous - but my heart and soul clearly don't

I had already had the idea that I should self treat this morning before I got into the meditation room. That card didn't change my mind. I At one point I had my hands near my head. I could feel the energy , but could clearly see in the mirror that my hands were not being touched by my hair - they were too far away. So I really CAN feel the energy I give during a treatment. Today that was very re-assuring.

At one point I had by hand near my throat - and it felt they way it does when there is something round my throat a bit too tight. My throat felt closed off. It stopped when I moved my hands away. It could have been psychosomatic tho. But I got the idea I needed to say something - but I'm not sure what................

I found myself meditating during the treatment - and I saw myself walking round the CKR symbol. Some time ago I had the insight that the straight lines and spiral represent to two sides of me - scientific and spiritual. Today I got a new insight. The right angle in the straight line represents the change in direction in my life. The spiral section represents the 'journey to the centre' The is a concept about spiritual growth in mid life. I am on a journey - and still have way to go yet.

I did a tarot card pick after the reiki and got 'Queen of swords' My immediate thought was 'single minded' reading the blurb I was told this queen represents someone who can rise above troubles (thats me alright!) but may be a bit aloof and distances herself from people' Now that ISN'T me - except I am reluctant to bother my family - or anyone close to me - with my problems. Maybe thats what I need to talk about.

Or maybe not - maybe I'm just chasing rainbows looking for a non existent crock of gold and all this is just pure rubbish....BUT we did get an email yesterday from Delilah who organised the psychic fair we did about a month ago. She wanted to let us know she had some positive feedback about our readings.

Why did I get the idea about 'single mined' I think i got it because I need to focus on getting my HPD diploma and and others things that I need to do to really HAVE a practice to do this stuff. I think its a reminder to me that I need to stay focussed.

A psychic kick up the backside if you like. Well I have received and understood the message

Two very interesting cards today. Ten of swords and from the Law of Attraction deck 'I can reach for a better thought" So I meditated on what thoughts and attitudes I need to change (or am changing?) and got the idea that I must stop self limiting thoughts. But the tarot card indicates this is a pivotal time to make the change - so why now? Maybe because I am on the brink of a new career as a hypnotherapist? With the thoughts I have had about working out of Little Aston since I have the connections there - and the fact that I may have another client from there . Plus the question from another friend about whether hypnotherapy can cure emetophobia it isn't an unreasonable assumption that I may well have the beginning of a client list.

A second attack by the lurgy has meant my spiritual exercises have been nil - but today I intend to correct that. My meditation on Thursday was interesting tho. I was in my glade and Jonas was there. he lead me over to the bench and I got the idea 'You need to take things easy' Later that day I realised I was fighting round 2 with the lurgy and ended up leaving work at lunchtime, and didn't go to work on Friday either. It was only AFTER I got home on Thursday that I remembered my meditation and thought ' Wow - how strange is that?' Did I subconsciously remember the image and decide I 'needed' to be ill to be able to rest? I don't think my work ethic is that poor - but I can't rule it out. But feeling poorly and my early departure DID give me the opening to say to Emmeline - I can't do 4 days a week - end of message.

I have discussed in my other blog what this means for me in practical terms. What does it mean spiritually? I won't be so tired I won't have the energy for meditation and my exercises and that has GOT to be good.

Today I tried to watch and understand some of the Kaballah course I signed up for. I didn't get on very well. But I have had it re-enforced that it is about spiritual development - just like reiki. I was confused by the idea that permission is needed from above to reveal certain wisdom to others. At first that didn't make any sense - but then I thought that if it is about development - the journey to find that wisdom is part of development - so I guess it does. But even the basic stuff is talking about Sefirot and other things I don't understand. So where does this leave me and my quest to understand the Tree of Life? I'm not sure. Maybe its all just a distraction. I need to meditate on it - which is probably what a Rav would suggest I would do ....................

One thing I will say - they are not interested in making any money from the course. Its free and the books are downloadable as free pdfs. OWL charge 40.00 to join - although I think their Kaballah stuff can be downloaded free. I must check that out again. But is David Wells and the OWL a Kaballist that Rav Leitman would approve of ? Hmmmmm

Ok. This morning I got back into the routine of doing my spiritual exercises early. And I decided to use a card pick as part of them. I intended to pick just one card - but ended up picking five - and all I can say is WOW

In order I picked The Hierophant, Strength, Knight of Pentacles, 6 of Pentacles and The World.

As I said WOW. SO many relevant images and ideas. A desire for spiritual development, inner resources available. slow and steady progress, giving and receiving - and completion of something major.

So much of that fits in with Kabbalah ideas - but also with what feels right about where I am at the moment. And with what I am doing. It even fits if read as a horseshoe spread.

As I said .....WOW

I had a good day yesterday. I meditated and used the cards for the first time in a week. I didn't meditate properly - but I did pull 'meditation' as one of my cards. So today I am going to try a proper meditation.

Last night we ended up The Witch at short notice - and it was a VERY interesting evening. Tony saw stuff (something he has been wanting to do for ages) And I ended up giving a message to Emma. She was in contact with her uncle, who had already said he wanted her to talk to his aunt. I sudden;y got the word 'light hearted' come into my head. So I said'; He was a very light hearted person' and Emma said 'yes' I then pieced together everything she had already said' and said' he wants you to tell your aunt he is OK, and that he os OK with the fact that she has just re-married' (Emma had said her aunt had just married last week) I then just went with what I 'felt' was right and said he still loved his wife, but he had had to go and he was pleased she was carrying on with her life..

Now did I get that intuitively from what she had already said? Was I telling her what I THOUGHT her aunt would want to hear? I don't know - but I AM sure that was the message her uncle wanted to get across.

At the end of the evening Karl said people often make the mistake of trying too hard and thats me OK. But what I HAVE realised is just because I don't 'see' or 'hear' things doesn't mean I am NOT getting messages. I have been reading a life coaching book about 'meta models' and I have realised I am a kinaesthetic person. I 'feel' things. So is a great shock that psychically that is how I work? After all I came into psychic development to enhance my intuition - or how I 'feel' things from other people. I have to remember that and trust that when I do get the words or feelings in the right circumstances. And I think the key is recognising the right circumstances.

But for paranormal activity last night was a blast - including myself Emma and Rachel getting names on the ouija board that Carl could relate to that we could not know. Also Karl gave Emma a message about the front wheel on her car not knowing that she has had a recurring problem with the tyre on that wheel. And the table upstairs was moving in an amazing way, while the portal in the cellar was very active.

I have been feeling decidedly 'meh' for a couple of days, so I decided to do some self healing this morning. It was an interesting experience. IAt one point I had my eyes open, and could see my reflection in the mirror. I didn't look like me. It was as if someone else face was impressed on mine. Jenny?

And later on I had my hands on my abdomen - but I could feel reiki going into my head. It started off of one side so I asked Jenny if it was her to move it to the other side ....and it did.

When I first started channeling I had my hands by my head. I could feel the energy leaving my hands - and as normal wondered if it was just my hair tickling my hand - then I realised my hands were well away form my hair.

I felt REALLY thirsty as I was channeling.

All in all it was an interesting experience.