An extraordinary meditation

OK deep breath time. Make of this what you will. I decided to do another card meditation but being a bit disorganised I ended up taking the tarot deck upstairs to pick the card. I put them on the floor by the chair. I went through my usual candle incense and symbols routine reallised I hadn't got my iPod and decided I would meditate in silence. I did my reiki principles and my prayers, then decided I would pick my tarot card. One card had fallen - I presume it was the top one, so I looked at and it was The Priestess (major arcana again!) However as it clearly had just fallen off the top I decided to check if it WAS my card for today by seeing if I got more of a buzz of it than the rest of the deck. I clearly did so I stuck with that card. She is the third of the major arcana (although not number 3 as the Fool is zero) and my birth number is 3 so I feel an affinity for The Priestess as well as The Empress the 'official' card number 3.

Fort some reason instead of seeing myself in my safe glade I decided to use the image of the candle flame and it became a door through which I stepped into utter blackness. I was aware of Thomas and Eli with me. I looked around and saw a light a long way away and we headed towards it. Then the Priestess was sitting there on her bench and I and I asked 'Who are you?" She replied 'I am you' so I sat on her bench for a short time. Then I got up and she sat back down and I decided I wasn't quite ready for that yet. She vanished and the three of us moved on towards the light again - which was still a long way away. Then Tony was there and he hugged me. We moved on towards the light again and I found myself repeating over and over again 'I am not afraid' Except I realised I was repeating that because I WAS afraid the potential power reiki and psychic abilities give me. Then we were traveling though an area where reiki was pouring down. So we stayed there for a bit and from the sudden thirst I developed I was channeling We left the reiki area and the light was still a long way away until I realised I need to use reiki regularlly to deal with my fear and lets be honest self hatred. Suddenly the light was right in front of and it was another door. I stepped through into my safe glade. I decide to self treat while I was still in the glade - not for long but when I could see the purple light rotating I decided to stop and leave the meditation.

At one point ,I dont remember when , I thought about Colin and realised he looked a little like the new vicar at St Mary's. Now if I find his name is Colin I will be VERY amazed.

It was the kind of meditation that I really need to think about a lot. But one message I did clearly get was that I need to embrace darkness and silence. Last night my bedside radio was playing up so when I woke up at 2.15 I didnt keep the radio on. I slept like a log the rest of the night.

I can't wait for the next investigation when I intend to try a lone vigil in the dark and total silence. I will try channeling reiki and see what I get. After all the glass at the Witch did say I worked with spirit by channeling reiki. If that opens up my psychic eyes and ears who know what I could see or hear.