synchronous meditation

Last night we went to a workshop at a small business in Oldbury called 3 KIndred Spirits. It was a very god evening . We did a meditation, discussed crystals, discussed reiki and generally did all sorts of 'circle' type things. Coming so soon after Tony was told we needed to find or make a circle this is helpful.

During our meditations both Tony and I thought we were given something on a chain to go round our neck. Tony saw a celtic cross. I thought mine was a stone of some sort - but to be honest the only clear ting was the chain. That is the second time that we ave have shared ideas when we have meditated at the same time.

There is a good chance that Lisa - who organised last nights event - will decide to hold a monthly circle to which we will be invited.

Laura is also running a 6 week psychic develpment course/circle starting on October 11th. Although this is a MOnday and means the game will have to be re-arranged/put on hold we are going. Laura 'manages mediums and gets them out there' She is JUST what Tony needs I think.

I learned more about crystals yesterday both at the workshop and in some research I did during the day. I have learned tha bloodstone is my birthstone - and I ended up getting a piece of raw bloodstone. I also understand about my 'rock' crystal . It is a moonstone and signifies among other things new beginnings. I finally realise WHY Thomas gave me a rock when I first saw him. During the meditation last night I felt Thomas was pleased I had finally got the message.

I still have major problems tho. Lisa was trying to teach me to see aura's - and did partially succeed. She sat me in front of a mirror and said she wnated me to see myself as the beautiful person she saw me as. Of course that is NOT how I see myself at all.

I really don't know how to break through this barrier of poor self image and the inevitable lack of faith in myself that follows. If I don't my reiki will get nowhere. I am hoping that if the volunteering at the hospice works out and that I start giving reiki on a regular basis that will help me get over this hurdle.

Its all very well for me to say that I have no-one giving me positive feedback - that is still true and is a real part of the problem - but I shouldn't NEED anyone to give me positive feedback. I should be getting it from my thoughts and actions.

I still see myself as a fat unsuccessful lump. I have seen myself that way for most of my life. re-enforced by critical family, a violent and abusive ex, and an alcoholic ex, I have never really felt I was worth anything. Its strange that at a time when suddenly psychically things seem to be moving to some sort of major step forward, I am being forced to confront the issue that I was trying to resolve when I read CYLI7D - which was the book that got me started on this journey.

Something is going on - and I just hope is as pivotal as I would like it to be. I also hope I can understand and use whatever is going on. I am sure I am being given messages by who or whatever is 'out there' I hope I can receive the message they are trying to give.