We went to The Witch last night. Apart from feeling as if someone poked me in the back, nothing much happened for me. Tony had an interesting time tho. He ended up chanelling someone and getting loads of information that can be checked up on. On the way home e discussed the possibility that none of it was correct - and why that would be. I guess last night had me thinking about what 'spirit' is. Certainly my sceptical side was well to the fore.

I did give some reiki last night as well. One of the guests has sever osteoarthritis in her right knee. Tracy ( who has trained with Sue) tried giving some reiki into the knee and said it wouldn't go in. I decided to help her and the energy flow was nil - until I did CKR over her knee and drew the symbol several times. THEN I could feel something going in. She has been told she needs knee replacement and I am guessing thats why the energy wouldn't in at first. Repair isn't possible and thats what reiki mainly does.

I am using the blog as meditation tool this morning. I feel very unfocussed. I am not sure what to do. I am having hair extensions put in today and I am not sure if it os going to be a disastrous waste of 40,00, or a huge boost to my self esteem that will enable me to move forward with the changes I think I need to make.

My self esteem DOES need a boost. I always feel a bit down after an evening when everyone else has 'seen' and heard' things from spirit, and I feel blind and deaf. Reminding myself we all have out different talents doesn't help. Part of me WANTS to give a message from a departed loved one to someone who really needs to hear it. Part of me feels that the healing I do is nowhere near as glamorous as traditional mediumship. Why does that matter?

Is it because I feel I am settling for second best? as if that is all I DESERVE to be able to do? Its certainly typical of my thinking. Thats why I settled for such bad relationships in the past. And to be honest there is still part of my that feels I don't deserve Tony - but now I also know he is lucky to have me - something I can never remember feeling in my other relationships.

So I do recognise I have a lot to offer. So is my frustration born of envy, or because I am not fulfilling my full potential. Will doing my level three help unlock my potential? Probably not. The only person who can expand my potential is me by practicing.

But I do need to be sure I am practicing the right things. So I need to ask spirit what my next move should be for development.

I used my Angel guidance deck and pulled 5 cards. I am not sure what the message is. I got

Ground yourself - always good advice
Giving and receiving - I do find it difficult to receive.
Play - maybe as sign I need to relax a bit about it all. Don;t over think things as Sue would say
Perfect timing - so it is the right time for reiki three and the other changes I need to make
Be honest with yourself. I want to have more mediumship ability - so I need to practice.