Know thyself

I have no idea where this thought has come from, but I know and understand that self knowledge is the key to self development. I feel I need to put down on paper (well OK on the internet!!) what I truly know about myself. So here goes.............

I lack self confidence and this can sometimes make me act aggressively as I overcompensate.

Whenever I get and unexpected letter of phone call my initial response is always worry. I wonder what I have done wrong.

When I make a mistake I really REALLY beat myself up about it mentally.

When things go wrong I think and act as if the people affected will blame me - because I always think I could have done something differently /better to prevent the problem.

When I try something new I never think I will be any good at it.

I have difficulty letting go of an argument. I am always trying so hard to justify my viewpoint - especially if deep down I know the other person has a point.

OK so what are the positive things I can say about myself.

I am a good mother. I am so proud of the way Steve has turned out. And I am so proud of how our relationship has matured as he has matured.

I am a good pharmacist. I got told by accident on Friday that the hospital think very highly of me. It was mentioned by the agency in passing.

I am a good communicator.

I am a loyal friend

I am generous almost to the point of feeling exploited at times

I have just made a tarot pick asking about this blog post and got the 3 of swords. It is difficult to see how the meaning of that cards fits into this entry. The proper divinatory meaning is sorrow at the end of something but hope for the future. That could mean I am finally able to move beyond the sorrows of the last two years. But the two words that came into my mind were 'love' and 'thought' I think the love is the love my guides have for me. And I think the thought is the thought I need to put into knowing and understanding who I really am and what I am going to do.

The OU task I did earlier on the week was to write 10 statements beginning 'I am" and then reflect on what your thoughts about the statements were. It wasn't a coincidence I changed my mind about reading further in the book before I had finished my essay. It all fits.

I AM being prompted to e honest about myself . To really be honest about my strengths and weaknesses , to see how I can best and most successfully progress on this road.

There is no doubt my biggest weakness is my lack of belief in myself. Maybe the 'love' is the love I need to have for myself. Now there's an interesting thought.

I am being told to apply the 5 reiki principles to myself. I need to be honest, respectful and compassionate to myself as well as trying not to worry or get angry.

I need to meditate on this tomorrow.